Preliminary Implementation Plan to restore Apartheid in all its Glory.
–Top Secret -For immediate execution.
Dated April 27, 2014.
By direct order of the President.
Part 1 of 98 588 420 065 347 parts.
Estimated date of completion: 6755AJ
a) Immediate tender for the supply of 21 438 park benches (triple seaters), complete with Non Whites Only signage. Each bench should have 1x DNA Analysis Scope with free swab dispenser. Must be Police friendly, with Wood Encased Graphite Cylinder Apparatus (1x sharpening device attached with 23.48cm metal chain), as backup.
b) Printing and distribution of 45 713 916 Identification Booklets with ID Holder’s permanent address, race, tribe, age, gender, occupation, place of occupation, photograph and fingerprints. Data to be sourced from the National Population Register, National Gun register and Traffic archives (Arto).
c) Design and building of 629 additional jails with high level security systems. Cameras, drones, laser lights, machine guns, light cannon (water and otherwise), sirens and additional wardens. No provision needed for high levels of record keeping.
d) Immediate arrangements for removal of people of dark colour from Parliament. Individuals will be identified by popular vote.
e) Ditto for people of non-white colour from DA. Individuals will be identified by me.
f) Vacancies for both Parliament and DA will be filled from within the white population only. Qualifications and skills not required. They will grow into the jobs as time goes.
g) Forced removals of all non-whites from traditional white suburbs. [63 702x DNA Analysis Scopes spec’d as per above, included in unlimited budget].
h) Budget to identify actual colour of majority of residents in suburbs established after 1994. -As required.
j) Budget to repay existing bonds of non-whites as it is anticipated that houses will stand empty even after most whites have acquired two of each.
k) Budget for support of housing market collapse.
l) Transfer of 4 6076 492 white people to designated jobs where required to execute plan, and fill senior position previously held by black people.
m) Expansion of Denel/Armscor operations, by 2 000% for the urgent manufacturing of CS, Tazers, Lazers, Razors, Guns, Ammunition, Uniforms, Whips, Batons, Cuffs,
Dildos, Latex suits and Blindfolds.
n) Budget for immediate occupation of Nkandla. Includes purchasing of new lounge suits, dining room furniture, new linen, beds, cutlery, crockery, stocking of safest wine cellar in the world and converting soccer field to Astroturf rugby field.
Phase 1a to be implemented after above changes. See Plan1a under separate cover.
Letter to the President
From the Desks of the Central Reserve bank, Dept of Statistics, Treasury, Ministries of Interior, Exterior, Political Strategies, Trade and Industries and Lindiwe Mazibuko (tea girl).
We respectfully need to point out the following:
1) Your plan will bankrupt the state within 3 weeks, and turn the world against us. They will also not buy a single bar of any metal nor sell us a drop of oil. (Except Syria and maybe Gaza.)
2) Additional funds will have to be sourced by donations from the top 1 258 637 black millionaires.
3) You propose to fill 8 654 912 jobs with 4 6076 492 whites (the total white population), while we have only +/- 600 000 whites unemployed anyhow.
4) We anticipate that the black population will need an Army to control them, but we do not have an Army, Navy of Air Force.
5) They –the peaceful black protesters -will be joined by 91.844391% of the white population, plus 2 Saffas just returned and 38 642 people of uncertain colour.
6) The traditional white suburbs do not exist anymore. Well not as we knew it.
7) We cannot quite establish who is what colour as we have no guidelines. (We anticipate your future insistence on a Tri-Cameral parliament, with special dispensation for certain nationalities)
8) You have forgotten instructions re additional printing presses for the ID Books as well as the Post Office infra structure to deliver said books. (BTW. Do not peek into the Population Register –Doesn’t look good.)
9) The Nkandla thing we can do.
10) The constitution compels us to vote every 4 years. It’s going to take us 4 years for the Nkandla thing and the park benches alone. By then we will be voted out.
11) As of tomorrow you will get no tea. Lindiwe resigned. (So do we).
Yours (not so) respectfully,
PS. The parks need to be cleaned from weeds, tik bulbs, used knives, dog poo, broken bottles and the odd cannabis plant etc. first before we can put the benches in.....