PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Charles Dumbwin
 
Comments: 70
Article views: 1006
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Charles Dumbwin's badges.
 

Instant Universe – Just add...

20 June 2012, 21:57
If you were one of those kids in school who took a little too much pleasure in dissecting frogs or blowing stuff up in science class, then the following recipe might interest you: 

How to create your own universe.

Ingredients:

1 x 10kg Box of Nothing (also known as the eternally-elusive stuff called Dark Matter)

15 x Billions of Years

1 x Bag of Invoke-Supernatural Fairy Dust

1 x Handful of Unexplainable Randomness

1 x Can of Primordial Soup

1 x Tumble dryer (yes, a freakin tumble dryer)

Method:

First, through Box of Nothing into tumble dryer and set to max speed, max heat.  No, not lukewarm you wuss, I’m talking the-Devil’s-private-stash-of-Hellish-Habanero hot. 

Add 1/3 of Unexplainable Randomness and a few Billions of Years and stand back.  Wait.  W-a-a-a-a-a-it...  ???  Throw another pinch of Unexplainable Randomness for good measure.  Still nothing?  Silly me, forget to add pinch of Invoke-Supernatural Fairy Dust.  Now wait, not sure how long.  This could take a while, go fetch a good book.

When the cataclysmic, random, cosmic explosion eventually occurs, your rapidly expanding universe of nothingness is starting to form.  Now, throw in a few more Billions of Years, another 1/3 of Unexplainable Randomness and a generous helping of Invoke-Supernatural Fairy Dust.  Where’s the tumble dryer?  Don’t worry about it.  It’s orbiting a black hole somewhere around Omega-quadrant’s Supernova. 

At this point, you should see this universal monstrosity of disastrous chaos, magically begin to organise itself into planets, moons, starts, galaxies, etc.  Throw in a few more Billions of Years if it’s taking too long.

Now, pick a planet.  Earth is good cause it’s perfectly situated around the Sun for life to exist.  Go on, pick Earth.  Do it!  Okay then, open can of Primordial Soup and throw at Earth, just hurl it in there. 

Add more Billions of Years, the last 1/3 of Unexplainable Randomness, and an even bigger helping of Invoke-Supernatural Fairy Dust and go get that book again. 

After who knows how long, your first miraculous micro-organisms should magically appear, and after that harrowing tumble dryer experience, they’ll be very keen to start breeding asap to ensure their species’ survival.  Throw in another portion of Billions of Years, and the amorous amoebas will magically grow limbs and will jump out the soup and onto dry land.  At this point the little critters look like fresh turds with hands, don’t tease them.

Throw in any and all remaining ingredients and the turds will evolve into a number of different, highly complex species.  Human beings come much later (you might wish to terminate your project before their arrival cause they’ll just mess everything up).

Now take your experiment to your science teacher and let her sing your praises.

Oh yes, if she questions the legitimacy of your claims, just call it science and she’ll believe you.

** PS – I promised an atheist troll that I would NOT USE ANY SCIENCE when I explained everything in my next (this) article.  I think I’ve achieved that.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
70 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Craig Pedersen
The man who destroyed the police

I shall mourn the passing of an institution that once served with pride and dignity. Read more...

41 comments 9940 views
Submitted by
Al Lovejoy
The View From the Scrapyard

I am gainfully employed in the Waste, Recycling and Scrap-metal Industry. Or, as the title implies – I work in a scrapyard.  Read more...

12 comments 1480 views
Submitted by
Nenzi Nens
Look at yourself, not the foreign...

There are foreigners in countries all over the world, legal and illegal. No citizen has a right to get those foreigners out of the country, only authorities. Read more...

0 comments 208 views
Submitted by
CatCrazy
Pet Ownership - Dear Godless Heat...

People’s ignorance at their pets requirements, and the responsibility involved has becomes evidently clear in this country. Read more...

25 comments 438 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Save up to 40% on outdoor accessories!

Tents, sleeping, day packs and more. While stocks last. Shop now!

Month End Madness Sale!

Save up to 60% on across a wide range of goods from books to electronics, DVDs and many more. Sale end 31 January 2015. Shop now!

Valentine’s Day gifts – 14 Feb!

Gifts to spoil him and her. While stocks last. Shop now!

30% off fragrances

Get 30% off fragrances for him and her. While stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 30% off All Textbooks

Save up to 30% off an extensive range of prescribed textbooks for all major universities and FET colleges. Shop Now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.