Abner and Buford wus asettin’ down by th’ crick, an’ it wus too hot for a body t’ even thank! The flies wun’t buzzin’ peaceful like, they wus mighty annoyin, climbin’ all over their faces and jes’ ticklin’ like crazy. It wus jes too goldurn hot! Even the fish had more sense than t’come up fer a bite. The water wus too warm there near th’ top, so they stayed right down near th’ bottom.
There wus a rustlin’ soun’ in th’ bushes behin’ them and here come Hiram, but not wearin’ his city clothes no more. He got hisself a straw hat an’ a nice pair o’ overalls, but he wus wearin’ shoes, cause college make your feet real sof’.
‘Min’ ifn I join you boys?’ he asked, real friendly like. That wus one thang ya hadda say ‘bout Hiram. He didn’ git hisself airs an’ graces cause he wen’ to college, no sirree!
‘What you fellers jawin’ ‘bout?’ he asked.
‘Ain’t nothin’ ta jaw ‘bout, it bein’ so hot an all,’ said Abner. ‘It’s gittin’ so a body cain’t even thank straight. Even the fish ain’t bitin’: got more sense than usn’s, that’s fer shore.’
‘When you goin’ back ta college?’ asked Buford.
‘Don’ know as how I’m goin’ back,’ said Hiram.
‘Why’s that?’
‘Them city folk got thereselves some strange ideas, and I ain’t sure I wanna be in that there snakepit, with all them furren ideas.’
‘Whut sorta furren ideas,’ asked Abner. He had hisself some book larnin’, he wanted t’git more, specially fum someone with a college degree.
‘They got thereselve this idea called ‘abiogenesis'.’
‘Ain’t that fum the Bible?’ asked Buford.
‘No, Buford. Genesis is th’ firs’ book of the Bible, but abiogenesis means life wusn’t created or nothin’. It jes’ happened.’
‘How in tarnation could a body think that?’
‘Well, some a these perfessors and sech, they say it ain’t necessary for God to make anythin’, cause there ain’t no God!’
Buford, who had big eyes already fum all the poppin’ they did, looked like they wus gonna pop clear outa his haid. ‘Whut kinda damnfool gonna say there ain’t no God?!’
‘The kinda damnfool who b’lieves in eevolution, Buford,’ said Abner.
‘Th’ problem with evolution is Irreducible Complexity,’ said Hiram.
Well, Buford’s eyes popped some more. ‘Tarnation Hiram! Ya shore got some mighty impressive jawbreakers there! Ya soun’ like that preacher fella with his big words. What in hell does it mean?’
‘It means, Buford, that thangs so complex couldna come fum thangs less complex. Thank ‘bout it: ifn ya take a whole passel a wheels and gears an’ springs, and throw them t’gether, dya think ya’ll gonna git a watch?’
Abner shook his haid. ‘Now thet’s jes plain dumb! That whut they sayin’?’
Hiram shook his haid. ‘Not really, but whut they’re sayin’ is almos’ as dumb. They’re sayin’ life began all by itself, that you don’t need no God for life t’ happen. That’s abiogenesis.’
Buford was scratchin’ his haid till it was bald. ‘How do these fellers say life began?’
‘They say the universe began with the Big Bang.’
Buford was even more puzzled now, an’ for him that was real hard. ‘What in tarnation is the Big Bang?’
Abner rolled his eyes. ‘I a’ready done tol’ you about the Cambrian Explosion. Blew the dinosaurs t’ itty bitty bits all the way t’ China.’
‘That ain’t zackly right, Abner,’ said Hiram. ‘About fourteen billion years ago, there wus this tiny lil thang called the singularity, and it blew up with an a’mighty bang, and created the universe.’
‘That true? ' asked Buford.
‘I reckon so,’ said Hiram. ‘Leastways, that’s whut th’ evidence suggests.’
‘Then whut wus God doin’ all this time?’ asked Abner, who a’ways wanted to learn more, so he could look smart.
‘I thank, and lotsa folks agree wi’ me, that God made the universe usin’ the Big Bang.’
‘Does it say so in the Bible?’ asked Buford.
‘No sirree, but don’t you be forgettin’, the Bible ain’t no science book; it’s a book of faith. See, these folks thank they’re so clever, but they’ll thank of anythang ifn they can take God outn the picture.’
Buford, he wus mighty puzzled. ‘Why in tarnation would they do that?’
‘Cause then they kin live any ol’ way they like, and not worry about God. The way they thank, ifn they don’t b’lieve in God, it means He ain’t real. Like a little child puttin’ his hands over his eyes, and thankin’ ya cain’t see him.’
‘An’ you say these people are eddicated?’ asked Buford.
‘Tha’s right. But it don’t mean they ain’t dumb.’
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