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Irukandji
 
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Irukandji is baaad!!!

30 June 2014, 07:26

This is the start of a new era! The dawn of a new day! I have changed my avatar! And this is not just a case of “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” No. It gets worse...

From the comments to many of my so-called “articles,” it is clear that some people want me to write only charming, delicate, tasteful little tales of joy and delight – and not to mar the sensitivities of those poor sods who are thin-skinned and easily upset. In other words: the politically correct (PC) pissies and the sissies.

Maybe I should bend over backwards and listen to them?

“But I won’t. I won’t. The hell I won’t.” John Wayne, McLintock (1963.)

Here’s why:

I firmly believe that your avatar should represent who and what you are. Not like that gutter-sniping, short-tottied fool, who call himself *Chase Cameron. He uses a photo of a REAL man as an avatar because he suffers from penis-envy.

An avatar should be more like that of ProJusticio – a handsome man who represents the voice of reason and wisdom in these troubled times. (Read http://www.news24.com/MyNews24/Are-you-full-of-CRAP-20140627)

Let me tell you about my avatar, the Irukandji, and why I’ve chosen it:

Irukandji are small and extremely venomous jellyfish. They are able to fire their stingers into their victim, causing symptoms collectively known as Irukandji syndrome. Their size is roughly a cubic centimeter (1 cm³).

Irukandji syndrome is produced by a small amount of venom and induces excruciating muscle cramps in the anus, severe stomach pain from laughter, spitting of coffee onto keyboards, an increase in heart rate and blood pressure – and in some cases – nausea, anger, vomiting, headaches, and psychological phenomena such as the feeling of impending doom.

There is no known treatment for the Irukandji syndrome. These minuscule creatures simply wipe their tiny little backsides (known as anuses, or anii,) on the reactions, feelings, and emotions of thin-skinned pissies and sissies.

Nowadays people have become so oversensitive about everything. Step on a worm, and within minutes the Worm Protection Activists will be protesting outside your home or business.

Kill a fly, and the Ancient Arab Fly Alliance will have your test tickets for breakfast.

Blow your nose in public, and the Association of Emerging Snot Conservators will kick your butt.

Torture and kill a dog in the most inhumane way possible, and the Chinese Epicurean Society of Dog Meat Lovers will be there in a flash, to make a meal of the carcass.

Feed a Communion **wafer to your dog, and that old fart with the white dress from the Catholic Church, will doom you to Everlasting Hell. (And the SPCA will haul your arse to court on a cruelty to animal charge.)

Call a white person the K-word, and you will be sent to Weskoppies for an extensive mental health evaluation.

Call a black person the K-word and ... “jou naam is gat.”

We all pretend to be PC. It is nothing but a sham, I tell you. I believe in honesty – if something offends you, or if you don’t agree with someone – say so, dammit! If people offend or insult you: “stuur hulle in hulle se moere in!” You’ll feel all the better for it, and it will clear the air.

I, the great Irukandji, pledge NEVER to bow to peer pressure. Why? Because most of my peers (read: white old farts) have passed away till they died from it.

And I, the venomous Irukandji, shall NEVER bow to those who attempt to change my thick-skinned, ***windgat behaviour.

Irukandji might be small creatures, but they’re tough – meddle with them at your own peril. Treat them with respect, and they become your dearest of friends.

I leave you with these words:

“Well, son, since you haven’t learned to respect your elders, it’s time you learned to respect your betters.” John Wayne, Big Jake (1971)

The Duke was talking about Irukandji...

*Chase Cameron – https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100005902818519

**Advert from our sponsor: Get your wafers from The Holy Wafers Supply Company. For churches who prefer the wafer of unleavened bread – made from weed, flour, salt, and holy water – for use in the Communion service, these plain round wafers measure 1¼” across (slightly larger than a quarter) and come packaged in cellophane tubes. A box contains enough wafers to serve a 1000 idiots.

***windgat – a sophisticated, refined, cultured person

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

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