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Just come out of the closet

31 January 2012, 15:43

Our Face Book sites have hosted raging debates about homosexuality, referred to as so called “Gay and Lesbian rights”. Even Zeinab Badawi and our Constitutional Court Judge Cameron were at it on BBC’s “Hard Talk” recently. The concern here is the emotional rhetoric in the anti gay camp that is so righteous, so condemnatory, as to constitute hateful speech. It is all too clear that just having to consider the issue induces a huge raft of extremely negative emotions in members of this camp. Why?

It is necessary to first set out what informs my own stance. As a human being, I find it unimaginable that I could have sex with another man. My mind simply cannot wrap itself around the thing. Even if you put a gun to my head I will not do it.

That is why I have concluded that homosexuality is not a matter of choice. Nature has determined the issue for some of us. For nearly all of us nature has determined whether or not we are hetero or homo. There are a few exceptions, as when some become gay on account of experience, as with prisoners or being a victim of pedophilia. However, for the vast majority it is not a matter of choice.

For that reason I am precluded from ascribing any sort of blame. Something that is completely natural cannot attract blame and/or condemnation.  It follows that there can be no basis whatsoever for discriminating against Gays and Lesbians. They are entitled to be fully accepted for who and what they are, just as I am. It is that simple.

In my book(1), published last year, I recount an incident at school when I had to disarm a lad who had gone beserk, and was trying to stab anyone in reach, with a dagger. I succeeded, at the expense of having the dagger penetrate my right foot, permanently severing a tendon of one of my toes. At the time no one was able to deduce the reason for the lad’s behaviour. 

This emerged many years later, when it was revealed that he was now living as “the wife” of a White male. At school he had been acting out terrible inner pain and hurt at finding himself with sexuality that, at the time, was completely unknown to all of us. He felt that he was a misfit; a freak, with acceptance out of the question. I only learnt of homosexuality after I left school, at age 22.

Psychologist will confirm that the behaviour, exhibited by this lad, is not at all surprising. People act out their inner pain and hurts. They will lash out, often with extreme aggression.  They will target those whom they perceive as being unsympathetic to what they are feeling deep inside. Unable to deal with their own demons, they resort to aggression in word and deed. There is a most illuminating book, titled the Primal Scream, on this subject.

So if you are experiencing an emotive response to the question put about gay and lesbian rights, it may well be a warning bell. If you find that your response is condemnatory, you may need to take note. If it is hateful, you really need to sit up and investigate why?

And remember, that to hold to a stance that someone else MUST be discriminated against, simply for being who and what they are, is inherently persecutory and hateful. It is hateful and persecutory to seek to deny others freedoms that you accord yourself. No question!

You need to look within yourself. Get help. See a psychologist. Get counseling. You may find that your emotional intelligence is being driven by deep seated suppression of your own sexuality. You may be acting out the hurt and pain you are feeling, like the poor lad at my school. You may be angry and resentful about the fact that an unsympathetic world, including your own family, has prevented you from being who and what you are.

Just come out of the closet.  The real world is now much more accepting and understanding. You will be welcomed and accorded the love and respect you need as a human being. You will realize that all the Biblical texts against homosexuality are comprehensible trumped by the central message by the Man from Jerusalem that = “Love thy neighbour as thyself, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

Come out of the closet. The truth will set you free.

(1) The Other - without fear, favour or prejudice. Book site is -

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