LOVE AND MARRIAGE ACROSS COLOUR AND CULTURE
Some years back while I was still a high school pupil, I faced what I thought was a step forward because of its rareness amongst our people, but today I’ve grown up to regret it as it has resurrected to haunt me like a ghost. My brother and his white girlfriend got along nicely, enjoying their love and life at their flats in the city where they had very little background issues to produce as their life there leaned against no culture, in other words, they only lived for themselves. Now with marriage you don’t just come and tell your parents that; ’you know what mom and dad, I got married last month’. I don’t know why it is like that because you are actually doing it for yourself. What do you need parents for? Why is it not like buying a pair of sunglasses which you don’t need anyone’s approval? But you know what?: he struggled for months to convince our parents that his lady was the right person, you know what I mean?, my brother had to prove to them that the lady was the only one for him under the sun. It was a tough and tedious job for him and so many relatives were called in to make their mark, to try dissuading him, a totally unnecessary task.
Then a wedding was planned and took place at our church followed by lunch at home. The bride’s family was equally unhappy about the marriage and only two members attended the ceremony. That was a white wedding with a lot of Blacks cultural interferences here and there. I sat there looking at my handsome brother in a stunning black suit and her bride in a white wedding gown and I wondered why all wedding gowns I had ever seen are only white? In front of them, there were a small boy and girl holding baskets full of flowers if I saw that well and I again asked myself what were they for? Just out of the door of the church, our priest made them to face to the east and showered them with granules and shiny little pieces of coloured paper which I also could not interpret.
In the afternoon just after lunch the MC announced that the bride and the groom were to change into traditional gear. When they emerged at the door people clapped hands at their beautiful traditional gear that disappointed me like a withering flower because it was exactly that of Nigerians with matching Muslim like caps on their heads. Why, I asked myself, is my brother now Nigerian or Muslim or maybe his lady? Don’t we have traditional gears for the Mapedi? It got better in my heart as every time I attend a white wedding by Blacks, tradition time is Nigerian, why? Why the wedding has to be white? I mean the dominant member in any marriage and wedding is the male now did my brother choose the white wedding to please his lady? Do you know that the guests and everybody at the ceremony amounted to 99,99% Blacks and the procession itself was only 0,5% white which leaves me with the question, are we trying to confuse ourselves, are we fooling ourselves, are we tired of being black? I wonder why, because we go about proudly saying black is beautiful, but when and where, because it does not reflect in practice? Misleading us!!
N.B. 1. If we remove lobola and laws around marriages then only LOVE remains because we are very much legalizing and politicizing Love.
2. We don’t need police, officials, doctors and all the money consuming elements in love because it ends up beyond love but become contractual business.
3. In love circles you don’t need assistance, keep parents out of love and marriage, it’s yours not theirs, they are not even beneficiaries so what do they want in a situation in which they bring about confusion so often.
By: Modiba Kadi