Dear Pastor Daniel
I was so happy to learn that you've instructed your congregation to eat grass in order to become closer to God. Although I am sure that you were misunderstood and meant the kind of grass certain people usually smoke. I have, and God came so close I almost burnt His hand with the end of my spliff when He reached out to me. In time I'm sure I would have gotten even closer, but my dealer got arrested.
In any event, I have a business opportunity for you. I have recently procured a government tender by fronting my gardening service with BEE individuals. We have secured a contract to maintain certain parks in the area. Rather than spend a fortune on top of the range lawnmowers and weed eaters, I wonder if your flock could not be of assistance.
If I provide the location and lawn, would your congregation be partial to having a nibble on government land? I also have a few golf courses I service and I believe, (at least by how fussy they are about their grass), that it is the Michelin star of lawn cuisine. I will of course give you a percentage of my income, knowing that you will spend it on the poor and needy, and not on a spanking new Merc.
There are just a few things I would like to clear with you first. Do your flock eat weeds? (It’s just that sometimes these pests pop up every now and then)
I saw on TV that they were eating grass in a rather disorderly manner, with some lying down and chewing and others going at it like there was no tomorrow. Could you train them? If they all started eating in a straight line, at the same pace, we could soon be getting tenders all over the country.
Please take my proposition seriously Pastor. I went outside before I wrote this and had a nibble of my neighbour’s grass (I don’t have any of my own) and I too saw the light. After the motorcycle had passed, I knew that you were onto something. Such foresight and ingenuity can only come from a higher power. I look forward to our days of graze. Today, grass, tomorrow….. The possibilities are endless!