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Bergie & Charles
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Let's start Paint the Spear Day

31 August 2012, 08:13
In a nation that institutes public holidays and mindless celebratory events as easily as we do, we’ve decided to add one more to our yearly calendar.

First it was Brett Murray, now artist Ayanda Mabulu has crafted his own portrait of “UmWilly Wam” and looks set to stir a mild southeaster of his own down in Cape Town.  No doubt the ANCYL could care less this time around and won’t be attempting to make the AVA Gallery ungovernable.

With Draw Mohammed Day so last season, we’d like to suggest that South African’s embrace our new, Paint the Spear Day, starting 28th August 2013 – it’s family fun, in an age-restriction-pending sort of way.

Bergie says:

If we have any more public holidays in South Africa we will not have to work, which would make us all perfectly eligible for government.  As long as the holiday is on a Tuesday, which means we can take Monday off as well, then I am all for it.

For what it’s worth, the ANCYL did in fact try this week to make the Cape ungovernable, but when they discovered an empty city they went home. They should have known we don’t get out of bed before noon down here.

I personally prefer body painting to boring old canvas, and in this way life would imitate art. Considering that our president loves to have his ego and ‘meneer’ stroked so often, perhaps he could lead the priapic way and have one of his many wives do the body brushwork? He can always shower afterwards.

Julius could gain a bit of stage time too, and hopefully if the kid has been circumcised by now, Winnie could paint his micro-phallus as a bullet.

Charles says:

While our tattered democracy hangs by a thread, we still have the slightest of chances to express ourselves and enjoy what’s left of our right to freedom of speech (If you’re reading this article in 2013, just send us a Facebook message and we’ll gladly explain what freedom of speech was).

As we paint, let’s do with pride and conviction, stroking our spears to perfection.  Just be sure to capture the flattering essence correctly - no needles, scalpels or pocket knives allowed.  In fact, anything smaller than your garden variety dagger will have you thrown into the Boeremag holding cells fast than you can say “treason”.

And who knows?  Perhaps this day will launch of string of reality TV hits; shows like, Survivor Zumaville, SA’s got phallus or Spear Factor.   I can see it now; three cock-sure judges shafting contestants who dare take a stab at painting the ultimate assegai – now that’s sure to have presidential-wife-hopefuls screaming for more.  ‘Fantastic TV’, they’ll cry.  ‘The full package’, they’ll say.  Personally I think it’s all a load of bollocks.

But what do you guys think?  All in favour of starting, Paint the Spear Day, say ‘UmWilly Wa-a-a-am!”

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