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Letter for Santa Zuma

13 February 2013, 07:19

Dear Santa Zuma

It is that time of year again, where you come to address any present issues. Last year, I never received my presents. Are you sure you have the right address or were it that I was a naughty boy last year for stealing a few millions out of the treasury for the compound home with a bunker in my home town. Since you left my present list out last year, I will give it again. I want a government that provides proper services to the people on time, without delays or excuses; a Gautrain or decent public transport that reaches near home and can take me to and from university every day; a youth wage subsidy; real freedom of speech; no e-tolls as the freeways has a free in it; a box of chocolates and flowers for each of the wives on valentine’s day; less unemployment; reduced Eskom tariffs; a free breakfast sponsored by Eskom, Telkom or Transnet with free SABC coverage; cheaper petrol and food; a quality education where a pass is 40% and not 30%; school textbooks delivered on time; less government interference in all sectors; scrapping BEE; academic freedom; sanctions on North Korea, Iran and Syria; stopping crime and corruption; and the implementation of the death penalty.

P.S. I will be on a look out for you on the big screen so please do not disappoint me.

Yours Sincerely, Not!

Nkosi Tshabalala
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