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Losing my faith.

18 April 2013, 09:00
Its extremely difficult to write this considering my deeply religious background but reality has finally set in and i simply can not continue to deny it no matter how hard i try.

So i have been a Wesleyan Methodist my entire life following my parents and siblings into Christianity. However, over the last 16 months, all my doubts and questions about the bible and religion at large have become overwhelming to the extent that i can no longer believe any of it. My logic dictates that i seek satisfactory answers about everything i have been taught. I have sought counsel and advice from as many church leaders in South Africa, Canada, England as i could but i keep getting the same nonsensical responses to basic questions.

My own research and learning has lead me to the realization that i was forced into something that i really would never have wanted had i been given the choice. Frightened to death as child about how the god of the bible would get me if i didn't just believe and obey. The thought that i wasted 25 years on this foolishness makes me sick to my stomach. It sickens me even more that the majority of my black brothers and sisters are so deeply caught in this stuff that the mere questioning of their beloved faith elicits a violent response.

I'm not sure how black Christians can reconcile 'black' culture and traditions with Christianity.How does anyone not see a problem with the fact that bibles only arrived in this country in the 1700s? And how does anyone reconcile morality with the god of the old testament? A god that punishes you for eternity for committing finite crimes? That's love? I know that question wont make any sense to most since reading the bible is not top of peoples priorities. I am however thankful that i read it in full several times and discovered just how crazy it is. What terrifies me is what i see around me. Both the crazy level of intolerance against non believers and the fear in little brothers eyes.Fear dressed up as piety.

I see him asking the same questions i was asking and i see the fear in his eyes when he is threatened with eternal torment for even asking. I'm terrified that he will lose friends like i did. That some of his family will reject him just like they did me.At 12 years old I just don't know if he is that strong.Life is immeasurably happier, more valuable and more precious since this nonsense has been removed from my life and i know that if he chooses the same route, it will be the same for him as well but i just cant stand to watch the emotional battle that my quiet little bro has to endure. Religion is damaging on so many levels its just unbelievable. I decided not to set logic aside for blind faith and am happy for it.

I have found incredibly intelligent and engaging atheists and agnostics to replace all the intolerant and bigoted christians who now see me as the devil herself. I learn so much more on a daily basis that i would previously have shut my eyes to.i can only hope that society as a whole will move towards a place where education and reason are respected more than a book put together by bunch of woman hating perverts.
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