PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 13
Article views: 1170
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Love 2 Meet U 2

04 February 2014, 20:27

On the hallowed homepage of News24, there is a section which is the English equivalent of the Afrikaans: *Hoekie vir Eensames. It is called: Love 2 Meet. I decided to go undercover and join this club and find out what makes it tick.

Now, don’t get me wrong. This is pure research. I’m happily married – but I would like to know what my options are – just in case my lovely wife suddenly decides to drop me like a cold **vetkoek.

This is what I found:

First, you have to register and create a profile. So I said that I was Eric the Viking: Athletic, Very Attractive, English, I speak Arabic and Hindi. I’m a Heavy Drinker and Heavy Smoker; my Religion is Sikh; I’m Self-employed, and Wealthy.

But that’s not all; I completed the rest of the questionnaire thus:

Why should you get to know Eric the Viking?

The greatest thing that can happen to you, is meeting me! You don’t know what you’re missing without me in your life.”

He (Eric) describes his deal match thus:

My ideal match should be clever, a good cook, know how to maintain and service a tractor, be able to plow, plant, and harvest mielies, and so on…”

Eric’s Physical Characteristics:

Body hair: Hairy chest only

Disabilities: I struggle with mobility; I have chronic illness; I have a mental condition

Ruled by: The genitals

Personality Traits: Naïve

Music: Gospel/Religious

Favourite Colour: Pink

Valued Qualities: Celibacy; Humility

Interests: Knitting; Yoga

Pace of Life: Stressed

Take Drugs: Addicted

Family Closeness: I don’t speak to my family

Animals: I like them Well Done

Honesty: Extremely

And so on, and so on…

There are three categories on the Love 2 Meet and Eat website:

a. Men, b. Women, and, c. Search for Men and Women between the ages of 18 and 100 years. (Jeez! Imagine going on a date with a horny 99-year-old goose or randy 100-year-old old geezer!)

But that’s not important right now. What is important is that I entered ALL three categories – just to increase my chances of finding someone who I would Love 2 Meet and Eat.

I submitted my registered profile and sat back – like a fisherman – waiting with bated breath for a bite on my bait…

Well let me tell you something: I didn’t sit back for long! My g-mail started ringing off the hook! Love 2 Eaters from all over the country have taken a bite of my bated bait! Hundreds of them! (Their spelling is not really up to scratch, but who cares?). Here are just some examples of the replies I got from the category: Women between 18 and 100 years old. They give their reasons why Eric would Love 2 Eat them:

“cause im fun and I don't need a insecure person I just wanna be luved and taken care of…”

“I like people an i like to have fun with them an i like to go to movies with my friends enjoying been together have so drinks together…”

“I'm beautiful,very loving,fun and God loving, I'm a hard worker, I love traveling, good life and very giving…”

“Life has given my lemons and I learn if u add sugar with u will get lemon juice I no to take the bad and see the lesson in it…”

“Very gentle n caring lot of luv to give to the right person plain jane luv goin out n enjoy walks on da beach luv to b spoilt…”

“Hmmmm well I could feed you alota crap that I know you would like to hear ,but im not going to ... make an efford to get to know me, just msg ?Doesn't matter, then …”judge for yourself honey!:-)

“I'm honest truthful loving caring and always make the best of bad situations. Let's see if you are a genius: oh eit for eit seben faef tree too too for? What's the answer. Anyway im also told that...”

Oh, woe! What a disappointment! Not what I hoped for at all! What is wrong with these people? Bloody chancers, all of them!

I specifically specified in very precise words in my requiremental terms and conditions, and Teas and Seas, that my ideal match should: “…know how to maintain and service a tractor, be able to plow, plant, and harvest mielies, and so on…”

Not one of the candidates from Meat and Eat is suitably qualified. And yet they have the audacity and impudence to apply for this position!

And. It would seem as if most of them just want to have love and fun.

Well, ladies, let me tell you something: While you’re looking for love and fun, the tractor is still broken, and my farm is going to wrack and ruin and flotsam and jetsam!

There’ll be nothing left of this farm by the time Julius comes to take it back…

*Hoekie vir Eensames – Corner for Ugly People

**vetkoek – an obese girlfriend  

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
13 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Lyndsy Gopaul
The struggle of a single mother

To choose the life of being a single mum is the hardest job and the biggest sacrifice a woman can make. Read more...

0 comments 1867 views
Submitted by
Hennie
Clamour for farmland will sink us...

The ANC government’s pre-occupation with the redistribution of land has taken its eye totally off the ball. Read more...

0 comments 513 views
Submitted by
Mlibazisi Jeffrey
Rise of Trump, nationalism and po...

The placing of people on a political, religious and ideological spectrum has resulted in the rise of "absolute positioning". Read more...

0 comments 177 views
Submitted by
Victor van Heerden
Jacob Zuma statue - Don’t cry for...

Therefore the epitaph at the bottom of this magnificent statue will read: Please forgive me, but don’t cry for me South Africa - even though I have failed you all - signed President Jacob Zuma. Read more...

0 comments 459 views
Submitted by
Michael Mondli Hlophe
Kasi Mlungu saga very confusing

Some people have been very positive about the young white woman that has very close ties to a township and its residents. Some have been negative about her making money off our African cultures Read more...

0 comments 739 views
Submitted by
Odell Coetzee228
The Dark Horse: Brian Molefe

While every South African could predict how the economy and the world would respond to news of a new finance minister, there is one thing about Zuma we must never forget – he is a political survivor. Read more...

0 comments 886 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2017 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.