PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Totally Disillusioned
 
Comments: 15
Article views: 2466
 
 
Latest Badges:


 
View all Totally Disillusioned's badges.
 

Making Money and Whoopee at 60......

14 January 2014, 19:24

The following is not a true story as told by my sister’s, teacher’s, boyfriend’s uncle, called UNCLE, and the characters are fictional to protect the neighbours. It started with the familiar N24 post:

““By Maddishell Onlyinthebackyard: “I get your point Peter....but was totally upset as John said. I could not believe it that my aunt’s boyfriends’, sister’s, adopted babysitter’s chief chef could make $65 per hour on a laptop. He/she got an almost new purple spotted Honda 7.62 Big Ballpointpen Subaru for just $1.56 after 72 Mayan cycles” See ...www.Ureallybelevthscrap007.com.”“

(Well I have news for these scammers. The friendly local neighbourhood hijackers got a brand new pitch black Toyota Fortuner for just 4.78 minute’s work at the robot around the corner. So why advertise and annoy the crap out of us valiant knights of the keyboard, hell-bent on destruction of the closest Atheist, Zionist, Christianist, DAist, EFFist or ANCist?)

To get back to UNCLE’s story, as told in the 1st person:

“Some nights ago my better half, (by a substantial amount more than half, she being better than me), and myself were having a chat and laugh about getting old. Well, to tell the truth, it was subsequent to re-reading Ram’s article on the phenomenon of human methane production and the introduction of said gas into the atmosphere. (Be it filtered or not by some form of woven clothing)

So it came to past that I then showed her, (the wife, not Ram’ MiL), Irukandji’s Horrorscope, (my printed version), and continued sampling red fermented grapes in somewhat unwise quantities. Later we were confronted by Maddishell Onlyinthebackyard telling us about her expertise in joining some family/friends/acquaintances/far removed enemies and the Politburo on a laptop, whilst making money at a rate that would shame any Arms Deal negotiator. The sales pitch from the said individual and the images conjured up, led us to some hysterical giggling and then shortly afterwards to, (theatrical cough), shall we say somewhat rather more subtle suggestions of a 4-21 nature?

We, then at a stage of reckless mind and feckless will by mutual consent, decided to take the young entrepreneurial Maddishell Onlyinthebackyard at her word. Literally. At peril of losing the fervour of the moment, please permit me to interrupt myself. I knew my wife was consenting, as she was flat on the ground laughing like a demented hyena while clapping her hands and making Venda type of noises. I, an ardent student of courtesy and the finer nuances of respect gleaned from a recent N24 article, took her actions as an invitation to a feast that promised to shame Caligula. (Correctly interpreted this time –thank Goodness).

Where to find a spare laptop? After some searching an old Mecer was pulled out of the Drawer of Gehenna, and consecrated to be sacrificed in the interest of science, research, matrimonial bliss and unwavering adherence to the manual of making out on a laptop; while being paid. (One should slip in here a side note that the thought as to who would be doing the paying did not enter our minds at that stage. We were on a higher charka, thus placing us well above such earthly and mundane materialistic considerations).

More bulk, (due genetics please note), and certainly of age, than Mad-in-the-Backyard, but we did our best. Graced by the sounds of the New London Philharmonic at full Madonna open air concert volume while China’s largest fireworks factory was burning down, Monty Python’s transportation of animal passion on the milk stained floor was but an entree, Lancaster and Kerr on the beach were a moment in eternity, DiCaprio and Winslet doing seagull imitations were amateurs, Romeo’s whatshername would have jumped off the balcony. No, this was The Hulk and Superwoman teamed and featuring at the Apollo. (Why do you think the bloody roof fell in?)

The laptop certainly did add a certain element of bemusement to the matter. In fact, next morning the faint but definite inverse ASDFG and half an H were still to be seen on some bits of anatomy. Alas, the screen did not survive. All this however, was but an insignificant price to pay to establish that there are no financial advantages of bringing a laptop to the marriage bed. That is if you discard the humour and the tattooing effect of the keyboard. But then, we were in it for fun and love, not to pull a Pamela-Anderson-hopefully-we-can-sue-for-the-royalties.

All sufficient proof that Ms. Maddishell Onlyinthebackyard is running a scam, and that making love at 60 even if old and overweight, is exactly like it was at 25. With one small exception.

Getting up afterwards is UGLY.........”

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
15 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Linamandla Mpolase
Womanize history, the present and...

This piece aims to understand Women’s Day through a woman born under democracy and the powerful role that women played previously.. Read more...

5 comments 149 views
Submitted by
Siphokuhle Dludla
Africans are yet to free their mi...

It is without doubt that black South Africans are physically free, which means they can move from one place to another without unnecessarily encountering any institutional inhibition to their freedom of movement.  Read more...

44 comments 707 views
Submitted by
Gail Shorkend
Family mother, brother and sister

There is nothing like family and there's a special bond that one cannot take away. My Mom was involved in a accident - a freak accident. Read more...

9 comments 447 views
Submitted by
Thulani Ngwenya
Proudly ANC. VIVA!

We need to be reminded of what the ANC is doing NOW for our people, not where it took us from. Read more...

48 comments 1824 views
Submitted by
Phumlani M. UMajozi
South Africans, education is key

Education is the only way we can defeat poverty over the long-term. Read more...

7 comments 241 views
Submitted by
Kirsten Ashman Halcrow
An elaborate architecture that is...

Qualification fraud is on the rise and it has been exposed in the media with a number of recent high profile South Africans who have been caught faking their qualifications.  Read more...

2 comments 924 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.