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Danie Baard
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MangaBananaAirlines standing fares

05 February 2014, 20:30

In these times where everything goes up, including the cost of beer, holidays in France and bread, it was so great to learn that SA is finally going the way the rest of Africa has gone with airfares and airline seating.

At the end of the day, having stood around endless and needless hours as a young ‘cadette’ and standing the same hours in queues paying bills at Telkom (actually – paying bills anywhere in SA), I always thought: why can’t I just stand from Jo’burg to Durban in a plane? If it safes me R200, its R200 I did not have yesterday, right? Or something like that.

Having had the privilege to fly with TAAG (Angola airlines – ‘Think Again About Going’) a few times in Angola, I can tell you first hand that this really brings down airfares and is not such a strange way to travel.  ‘Only place in the world where I ever saw a goat walk past me in ‘Business’ Class while his owner held 2 chickens in the back of plane by their necks while hanging on for dear life with the other hand. True story.

One of some 100 ‘standing passengers on this flight. And 200 chickens, 120 bags of maize meal, 3 goats, 14 ducks, a red-eyed dog that clearly had some hyena blood in him and I think a small horse (I may be lying about the horse). 

Point is – thanks to all these standing passengers, I paid only R70 for my one-way ticket.

Standing seats should actually be more expensive if you think of it, as most airline seats are in any case designed by dwarfs and Elves in some very twisted form of vindication against all of humanity (and you thought they were cute, right?). 

I think they do this because the Americans are destroying the planet through Global Warming and someone made Justin Bieber popular. Asholes.

And aircraft toilets are an especially twisted form of punishment. If you’re claustrophobic – best to wee in your pants.  Last time I visited one, I had neck pain in my knees for days.

In fact: No flight these days for me is completed without a 2 hour visit to the physiotherapist afterwards to reclaim what is left of my back and knees.

Being a frequent flyer I can tell you I am signing up for the standing seats for sure! And the free chicken soup it goes with. 

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