MyNews24 is a user-generated section of The stories here come from users.

Comments: 12
Article views: 432
Latest Badges:

View all KittyPinknBling's badges.

Me vs. Culture

30 November 2012, 13:05

Can anyone define culture for me please? What is it? Who is it? Does anyone have his name? It must be a man, I’m sure of it. I rate he’s old, has a pot belly of note, walks around topless, and because I am who I am, I figure he’s black and Zulu. Bab’ Culture sits on my right shoulder and on my left sits Reality, laughing her arse off because she can’t believe the lengths I will go to to negotiate with Bab’ Culture. Not to get anyone excited and all motivated to lose weight and buy an outfit or anything; but I have recently started planning my wedding (recent is relative considering that it’s been 2 years). What I’m finding difficult is not so much the venue and décor but the realization that even when I label my special day as a ‘white wedding’ I still have Bab’ Culture sitting on my shoulder screaming his head off at me. “It’s not how WE do it!” he says.

It starts with deciding the number of guests. For white people it’s simple. Cousin Patty is a cousin twice removed and hasn’t called in six months, so she gets the chop. For me… or rather us, it’s a little more complicated. Cousin Patheka is a cousin twice removed, I haven’t seen her since I was 5 but because her grandmother, who loved my mother, let my aunt stay with them for a week when she was in University and the police had kicked them of campus (Forte Hare…that’s where all the educated blacks went in those days), and killed a chicken for her when she went back to school; Cousin Patheka is a shoo-in for an invite! Seriously?! And so after numerous hours of scratching names off and adding some, I’m left with a list of 200 guests who will all go out of their way to come to my wedding, because, yes you guessed it: Bab’ Culture insists that I pay for all travel and accommodation- “we can’t invite people and expect them to pay for themselves, It’s not how WE do it!” he roars in my ear. I swear; Jane at the office made every single one of her guests pay for their own return flights and accommodation to Australia when she got married. Then we get to the food- heaven have mercy because this is what is going to take me to my grave! I can’t serve fish (Bab’ Culture says it doesn’t count as meat); no pork because 5 of the 200 hundred guests are Shembe. We can’t have beef; my dad has gout (at this point Reality is rolling all over my shoulder in hysterics because we’re eliminating WHOLE foods to accommodate 6 people). So chicken or lamb it is. If memory serves me well, Jane served muscles and oysters even though her sister and a brides maid had a shell fish allergy…I’m just saying. At this point this is where we stand: 200 guests, 150 from out of town, they need accommodation and travel money and on the menu for this auspicious occasion is chicken and lamb. Now the colors, I simply can’t have my orange and fuchsia because fuchsia is not masculine, “Why don’t I try brown” says Bab’ Culture? Okay, so that’s 200 guests, 150 out-of-towners who need transport and accommodation, lamb and chicken are on the menu and a brown motif on my day. I can live with that; “but what about the booze” asks Bab’ Culture slowly stroking his belly. Reality momentarily pauses her fit of laughter because she knows and I know that there’s NO WAY Glen Fiddich and Jonnie Walker Black Label could have been written about in our history books. Bab’ Culture takes this moment of uncertainty to clarify that Malume James (there’s always one) drinks like a fish and seeing as how I’m expecting him to leave his home for a week, I might as well be accommodating to ALL his needs. Can’t argue with that logic now can I? I’m also reminded that I should use the family priest because he’s always said how well I’d turn out. Let’s ignore the fact that he calls me by my mother’s name because he’s simply too old to remember mine, oh and that I haven’t been to church in almost 6 years (like the frequency of my visits to the gym, I think this might affect my Vitality age). So with food, décor, guest numbers and the booze sorted, I think I’m out the woods. Nope, not yet. My dress color comes into question: I can’t wear white because I have a child, how about a nice brown to match my décor? Okay, so I’ll look like a big ol’ turd on my wedding day, fine, at least I get a wedding. ..And a nice hat or something because my husband’s family might not allow women to show their hair- a turd with a hat…nice. At this point I think I’m better off choosing a date to sit at home and get drunk off my 1.5liter Four Cousins wine, thinking about the wedding that almost was…no sharing with Bab’ Culture!

This brings me back to my initial question, who or what is culture? From where I sit; culture is you, your friends, your parents, and your family. It’s a culmination of ideas - some which have not changed with time - but most are flexible depending on the situation and who benefits the most. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking anyone’s beliefs or anything; but I think that in this day and age we should slowly start moving away from doing things for the sake of doing things…even if it is for ‘culture’.


Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

Read News24’s Comments Policy publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
The consciousness of free will

The group or herd mentality is then established to corral individuals into enclosures and prisons of their own making. Read more...

58 comments 519 views
Submitted by
Tattoos are for idiots

The first thought that came to me was to ask the gent how long he had to spend in prison to get so many tattoos. Read more...

11 comments 486 views
Submitted by
Eric Rimmer
Oscar Pistorius - Guilty of What?

One cannot have two defences. The onus here is on the defence to prove either case beyond “reasonable doubt”. Read more...

11 comments 684 views
Submitted by
South African Genie and the Magic...

The ANC thought that they had the magic lamp when Mandela was leading. And I think they were right... But where is his lamp? Read more...

5 comments 401 views
Submitted by
A spot of Blemish and Dirty Bum.....

Maybe the 2 week break will help some people with the reality of matters. " I called out, Reeva, Reeva !" sob sob... Ja buddy, That's not what Gerry says..  Read more...

10 comments 544 views
Submitted by
Terrylin Backpackers
The Colour of Your Vote

"Now I am so confused that I have the blues," moaned Melissa. "I don't think I will ever vote at all." Read more...

0 comments 1 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Escape winter, head to Mauritius

Escape winter by spending 7 nights in Mauritius' tropical bliss from R13 215 per person sharing. Includes return flights, airport transfers and accommodation. Book now! - shop online today

Get many eggs in one basket!

Gaming bundles: 2 Super Hits games for R99, 3 Disney games for R99 and more + exclusive accessory bundles only available on While stocks last. Shop now!

25% off bestselling books!

The Real Meal Revolution by Tim Noakes, Jeffrey Archer’s Be Careful What You Wish for, Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frank and many more titles. Shop now!

Up to 25% off electronics

Buy top electronics and save up to 25%. Such as’s 1# selling product the gobii eReader, Patriot X Porter flash drive, Asus Nexus 7” 3G tablet, Samsung Galaxy SIII, Lenovo G580 Notebook and many more. Shop now!

DStv HD PVR Decoder now R949

The DStv HD PVR Decoder has further revolutionised the television experience with lifelike viewing, sharper images, more vibrant colours and precision picture quality. Now R949, save R550. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 30% off appliances & homeware

Save up to 30% on appliances and homeware this Easter! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now.

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25



E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

Digital Media & Marketing Association
© 2014 All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.