PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 5
Article views: 1715
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Meet the “New” GEPF

03 September 2012, 11:13

I have just read the Government Employees Pension Fund’s (GEPF) quarterly newsletter for pensioners. Let me share some of the contents of this preposterous publication with you.

In the opening address the Acting Principal Officer, John Olifant, states: ‘“As part of our branding exercise and in tandem with the Board of Trustees’ vision, “To be a role model for pension funds worldwide,” I am pleased to inform you that the GEPF now boasts a new corporate identity (look and feel.)”’

True to form – in line with the government’s senseless policy of changing names and symbols – the logo has been changed. The old logo used to be the Coat of Arms. (You know the one: two nude Bushman with their *knobkerries exposed, and the motto: !ke e: /xarra //ke, which, in the Khoisan language means: “Why flash a spear? Real men flash a Knobkerrie!”)

The new GEPF logo consists of three (vaguely) human figures. They seem to be throwing litter to the four winds – or trying to catch the pieces of an exploding green condom. In South Africa – where littering and condoms are national symbols – this is fitting. However, John Olifant explains:

“The structure of the logo is portrayed as a tree. The tree in the new logo is not specific to any species, thereby enhancing the universal appeal of the design for a broad spectrum of the population in the **public service.”

(Mr Olifant, are you not perhaps confusing “tree” with “boom?” A tree is something you climb, or sit under. Boom is that green stuff you’ve been smoking. There’s a difference, I tell you!)

But that’s not all!

Olifant then waxes lyrical: “The colours ***(burnt orange, olive green, sandstone, medium slate and dark slate) are warm, inviting, accommodating and majestic.”

What??? This is a logo for PENSIONERS, Mr Olifant! Some of these old farts can hardly see their shoes – let alone distinguish the colours of a tiny little logo.

My questions regarding the new logo are these:

How much did this exercise in futility cost?

Who designed the logo?

Who received the tender?

How does the new logo benefit the pensioners?

Who killed cock Robin?

Moving on:

The Frequently Asked Question (FAQs) in the newsletter goes something like this:

Q: If I die, how are my benefits (pronounced: Benny feets) distributed to my beneficiaries (Benny fisheries)?

A: When you die, you are in fact, dead – meaning that you’ve stopped your contributions and will no longer be able to collect your monthly pension under the tree of warm, inviting, accommodating and majestic colours. A once-off lump sum will be divided between your nine wives, fifteen spouses, numerous life partners, concubines, various skelmpies, and your sixty-five children. This, however, will only be done if you personally submit the Nomination of Beneficiaries form (WP1002) on the day of your death. Should you die more than once, the pension will automatically be divided equally between whoever is left behind and those who are not. If you die within five years of retiring, you can claim your monthly pension payments for the five-year period of your passing away. For instance, if you retired two years ago and were receiving R4 000 when you died, you can still claim three years’ worth of pension payments. This would work out to R12 500. In legal terms, this is known as the Marikana manoeuvre. Likewise, if the cops shoot you one year before you are supposed to die, we would pay you for four years – as if you were still alive. Right! Does that answer your question?

Q: What is an eligible child?

A: An eligible child is someone who is under the age of forty (like the members of Malema’s Youth League); or a learner in Grade 3, who is under the age of twenty nine; or any member of the ruling ANC-government’s family, irrespective of age.

Q: What are “unclaimed benefits?”

 A: These are simply benefits, which the government will claim, when you’re not looking.

Etc, etc, etc.

Don’t you think that the old pensioners deserve a better deal than to be given a worthless LOGO at the end of their working lives? I certainly do.

*knobkerries – male procreation mechanisms

**public service – lazy, incompetent, overpaid, corrupt officials

***burnt orange, olive green, sandstone, medium slate and dark slate – all the colours of diarrhoea?

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
5 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Kelvin Esiasa167
Xenophobia: A demon In SA which m...

Xenophobia has dented the beauty of South Africa. The increasing emergence of xenophobia as social policy and practice in the face of presumed state acquiescence will only lead SA backwards. Read more...

1 comments 29 views
Submitted by
Carla Botha
A burning land

You tie an innocent person’s hands and feet with rope, you put an old black car tire around his body. You pour petrol over this still-alive person and you light a match.  Read more...

20 comments 848 views
Submitted by
Zwelithini Mxhego
Lets unite under the banner of lo...

Maybe I have kept quite for far too long. You know, Nelson Mandela has come and he had declared "let us forgive, but let us not forget".  Read more...

2 comments 221 views
Submitted by
Chris Khanye
SA is rendered lawless and ungove...

It was at the 73rd Anniversary of the ANC on 8 January 1985, where Oliver Tambo made a call to the national executive committee of the ANC congress - Render South Africa ungovernable! Read more...

11 comments 1160 views
Xenophobia and SA's reputation

The damage and dent that it is causing to the reputation of South Africa as a democracy can not be measured in any kind of financial terms. Read more...

11 comments 523 views
Submitted by
Iden Yu Mn
There is no Spoon

Phobias are very very rare in groups and are normally isolated experiences, not experienced or shared as a group. Read more...

11 comments 219 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.