I don’t know about you, but I am completely Oscared out. As a matter of fact, I was already Oscared out on the 15th of this month. I’ve stopped reading anything about this sad incident. But, for those of you who cannot get enough of a toilet story, read on.
Sometimes the media comes up with a truly remarkable story – something so bizarre and wacky, it begs belief. This is one of them.
The headline reads: *“China looks to flush flies from public toilets.”
Authorities in China have proposed rules to limit the number of flies in public toilets, and to flush away bad smells. Just like the ANC want to limit the number of white farmers; and to flush away all traces of the country’s once functioning infrastructure.
(Now read the rest of the story and compare the similarities with our own country and the idiotic plans that the corrupt ANC-government always manage to come up with.)
Public toilets in China are apparently badly maintained, particularly at public transport locations. (Nothing new here – maintenance is a foreign word in Africa – plus the fact our public transport consists mainly of criminals who drive taxis.)
Draft regulations, released by the Chinese health ministry, state that no more than one fly per square metre will be allowed in toilets within buildings; while in free-standing facilities three flies per square metre are permitted.
(Bliksem! If ever there was an opportunity for creating thousands of jobs, this is it! Professional Fly Counter!)
Imagine a Fly Counter opening the door of an occupied toilet and saying: “Excuse me, Sir/Madam, but there seems to be more than the permitted number of flies in this toilet. We’ll have to evict the squatters.”
(In South Africa, you would be unable to force the squatting flies to leave without providing alternative housing – which would mean building more RDP toilets for them – and more tender fraud. Plus the fact that the flies will say they were never given notice of the eviction – leading to strikes, marches, and destruction of property.)
The proposed rules also set standards for design, layout, and management of public toilets, including classifications for odours.
(Bliksem, again! Hail, Zuma! Another 500 000 jobs! Odour Classifier!)
Odour Classifier, kicking in the toilet door: “Excuse me, Sir/Madam, but you seem to be emitting a Class 52B odour. You are only licensed to discharge a Class 13F malodour. I’m afraid you will have to come downtown with me. Unless you want to pay a bribe?”
The new regulations also stipulate that, if a toilet is used by an equal number of men and women, there should be twice as many stalls for females.
Now this regulation had me confused for quite a while. But then, using some Higher Nkandla Maths, it dawned on me that if two men with their flies (and I’m not accusing them of being moffies or gays) open, are busy sharing a toilet, four women should also be allowed into the same toilet. This is called “Gender Equality” or, a “Four Ball,” in golfing circles.
Authorities in Beijing last year unveiled new rules stipulating that the city's public toilets should contain no more than two flies – apparently a more exacting standard than the health ministry regulations released this week.
Again! (I’m not going to say Bliksem!) Viva, **CNA, Viva! What a wonderful opportunity! Now the corrupt ANC can double the amount of Professional Fly Counters who receive government grants. Jobs for all! A better life for all!
Happy days are here again!
We certainly have much to learn from the Chinese. And we should. After all; they are busy colonising our country faster than we can count our flies.
*China looks to flush flies from public toilets – Sapa-AFP 22 February, 2013
**CNA – Just checking to see if you’re paying attention in class