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Narian Chengiah Naidoo
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Monica Lewinsky Released from Detention

12 March 2014, 07:12

Jacob Zuma was carrying his African National Congress membership card when he has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him wearing black, green and gold outfit, the brand name which belongs to the African National Congress.

I don't know what to do, says the Devil. "You are on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I will tell you what I am going to do. I have got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you, a serial liar, a cheat and a thief. I will let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I will even let you decide who leaves." Jacob Zuma thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The Devil opened the first room. In it was Blade Nzimande and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. 

"No," Jacob Zuma said. "I don't think so. I am not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Zwelinzima Vavi with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swinging that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Jacob Zuma.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Jacob Zuma saw Julius Malema lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Jacob Zuma looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you are free to go."

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