Lately I feel that a large number of us here on News24 have become acquainted with Mr Emmett Wesley Garrett. Due to this, we have sat and read his articles about how “wonderful” and how “amazing” the United States of America is and how we South Africans are a bunch of “third-world goat herders in animal skins”.
Usually I would steer away from such a conflict and run upstairs to my parent’s bedroom, let them read his articles, and then sit around the table with my whole family and laugh uncontrollably at such an ignorant, uneducated human being. Even though I know better as I’m sure do most of you, that trolling is just a horrid act, I simply could not help myself. After all I feel his trolling should be met with equality. I am not sure who would agree, but none the less I’ll give it a bash.
Mr. Garrett, firstly I would like to tackle your “Player” status. I sit and look at your profile picture here on News24 and see that you are an old, grey, overweight male. Being a young female I would consider older men such as Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Colin Farrell, Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, Usaine Bolt, James Franco and George Clooney to be good looking, older men who could possibly carry the statuses of being a “ladies man”. I have used non-Africans here as I am sure you would be able to relate more being so proudly anti-African. Do you resemble any of these men in any way? No, unfortunately you do not. I also find it somewhat creepy and rather unacceptable that you would reply to my comments insinuating that I be jealous. I am sure you are a good thirty years older than me. Nobody like a pedo Emmett. They tend to make us uncomfortable, well, at least in South Africa they do.
Secondly, the USA’s influence on Africa is not as strong as you make it seem. You say all you hear on the radio is American music. Really? Do you think that DJ Fresh, DJ Cleo, Euphonik, Roger Goode, Erica Elle, Lady Lea, DJ Kent, Goldfish, Mi Casa, Good Luck, Loyiso, Freshly Ground, Seether, Prime Circle, the Parlotones, Lloyd Cele, Flash Republic, Pascal & Pearce, ProVerb, Skwatta Camp, Zebra and Giraffe, Just Jinger, Watershed, Mark Stent, Protoculture, Yoav, Michael Angello, Jessi Clegg and Liquideep are all Americans? No they are not, they are South Africans. Everyone has heard and has listened to their music. Except for you.
We are also not as, how can I put this politely . . . big, as you Americans are. If I compare my father with you, who is clearly of a similar age to what you are, I think it’s safe to assume you could possibly crush him if you fell on top of him. Yes, we Africans seem to take a lot more pride in our health than to what you Americans do. My brother and cousin who went on a contiki tour to America in April this year were absolutely shocked at the size of the average American. My cousin may be a small girl, but my brother is over six foot tall, and as we South Africans like to put it, DAK! (Meaning he is a large young man muscle wise). This of course is due to his rugby. My brother also stated on return, “I now know why Americans are so fat, because they eat such junk and there is hardly a healthy food store/restaurant in sight”. We have fast foods of course, but we do not consume them at the same rate you do. Just to add in here, Wimpy is my personal favourite.
Furthermore you have the cheek to ridicule the black South African traditions. I’m sorry, but who died and made you King of everything? In case you have not noticed yet, we are a rainbow nation catering for all races, cultures, heritage and religions. Unlike you, we appreciate, accept and enjoy South African AND African tradition. It is our right as citizens, to embrace and practice culture. If you have an issue with that, go back to the United States. Diversity helps create a better education and a more accepting and tolerant human being. You make fun of us, hence my point.
Since you enjoy breaking South Africa down and mocking South Africans so much perhaps you need a taste of your own medicine.
The United States of America: The home of the brave and the land of the free. What a sick and misleading slogan that is. Why not start with the biggest current affair of yours? The war in the Middle East. Who do you think you are fooling? The whole world knows you are there for one reason, that is: to safeguard your future oil supplies. Your army went to battle, trumpets raging and automatic weapons at the ready pretending to fight for freedom and liberty. Give me a break. The only thing your “war on terror” has achieved is completely tarnishing the religion and reputation of millions of people worldwide. Suddenly every Muslim is treated like a terrorist and is a security risk while walking down the street. Utterly disgusting. Let’s not forget to mention that you have murdered thousands of innocent people, most of whom have been women and children. That’s a great example to set. The UN did NOT give the USA permission to invade the Middle East as the reasons for your war were illegitimate and lacked sufficient reasoning and evidence. But, oh wait, you bullied your way forward by using the power of veto. What a bunch of fools you portray. The bombing of the twin towers happened eleven years ago, get over it already. Nobody actually cares! (Yes I went there!). We don’t hear the Rwandan people whining about the Rwandan genocide in which one-hundred thousand Tootsies were murdered within one-hundred days by the Hoeto militants.
And the Vietnam War? Has anyone ever heard of such a vile atrocity as that? Once again, off you went to meddle in business that had nothing to do with you, slaughtering anyone in sight because your troops were too stupid to recognize the allies from the enemies. Burning and pillaging villages as you went along. All for what? Oh yes, nothing. What makes this even worse is the fact that the poor conscripts forced to fight the war were treated liked absolute villains on return to the States. Victimized and criminalized for a war they were forced to participate in. The only thing you managed to achieve there was utter chaos, a generation of drug addicts and extreme post-traumatic stress. Well done.
I could not leave out the horrific fact that your very own country completely ruined the career of Muhammad Ali, arguably the greatest boxer of all time, by stripping him of all his titles that he worked to the death for after refusing military conscription to be shipped off to fight a war he knew was ethically and morally wrong. What a disgrace!
George Bush. Do not even get me started on that republican monkey photographed pretending to read a book upside down to school children. The same man who embarrassed your nation in front of Vladimir Putin by not being able to open a door. What an imbecile. To add to this, Bill Clinton! “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”. Possibly, the biggest joke of the century. Even Jacob Zuma was sniggering at that behind closed doors.
You come from a country were the Ku Klux Klan and the Neo-Nazis still exist. Is that some kind of sick joke? The rest of the world watches while your hillbillies prance around chanting, “White Pwwwrrrr” (White power) and “God hates Niggers, Spiks and Gays”. What the EFFF is that? But you preach to us about adapting to America and “Westernization”. Are you insane?
You claim your business world is so advanced and organized, yet my father and his company are one of the biggest environmental companies in the WORLD who deal with toxic waste and work with companies from all over Africa, China, Germany, the UK and Mauritius but have trouble dealing with the American companies because they do not pay on time, cannot sign a deal on time and (not mentioning any names) have been charged with corruption in Angola for bribery and dumping toxic waste illegally. Hello?
You rip African culture to shreds about wearing goat skins and being goat herders yet the Amish still exist with their butter churning, horse carriages, lanterns, and hand picking. No technology? Are you kidding me? Get a life.
Baseball and American Football are sad excuses for sports as well. Fat, Steroid junkie men standing on a field. Oooohhh, riveting. Baseball players stand on a mound, smack a ball and run five meters. Football players play a maximum of five minutes on the field. You call those people athletes? They chow down protein shakes, inject steroids in their arses and get payed millions to show their face for a couple of minutes. Why don’t you go back home and educate your people in a real man’s sport like rugby? Or why don’t you join the rest of the world’s most popular sport like soccer instead of sending that pathetic excuse of a team you blindly picked to play in the Fifa world cup just to show your participation. If you are so great how come Tyson Gay and Bershawn Jackson won NO gold medals at the Olympics? Oh that’s right; Bershawn Jackson was banned from this year’s Olympics for substance abuse and Tyson Gay was the first loser of the hundred meters because Usain Bolt won that one. All that money, all those top class facilities going to waste.
Ah, and my favourite: Lance Armstrong. Actively participating in a worldwide athletic event, newsworthy and worth millions but deciding to cheat by doping. ALL SEVEN TIMES. What a moron. It doesn’t take a neurosurgeon to figure out he would eventually get caught. That man is nothing but a disgrace to your nation and to the event. He could not have been more insulting if he tried. Acting as an ambassador to the sport of cycling, an icon and a role model to thousands of people and all he has to show for it is nothing. What was he doing? Teaching your youth that you can achieve your dreams by cheating? That is just sick!
Pointing fingers at us when the most prolific serial killers of all time come from America. Ted Bundy, Jeffery Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, Charles Manson, Donald Harvey, Gary Leon Ridgway. Need I add more?
Oh, and just by the way Emmett. The world’s financial crisis is ALL due to the selfish, greedy American men who stole millions upon millions and got off Scott-free! These Americans are the sole cause of the suffering of tens of millions of people around the world. So once again, well done!
In conclusion, I think we should rather stick to doing the opposite of what the United States Does. That way we may remain with some pride and selflessness intact.
P.S: You are not as well loved as you think you are by the rest of the world.
As for the rest of the News24 readers, I apologize for showing you my nasty side and I hope you will forgive me for my “trolling” article. Under any other circumstances, I acknowledge the fact that this is completely unnecessary but having said that, I had to refuse letting someone mock and ridicule my country and the people within it.