PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
AbridgedThinking
 
Comments: 14
Article views: 505
 
 
Latest Badges:


 
View all AbridgedThinking's badges.
 

Musings on the madness of gender equality

26 October 2012, 19:57

Gender Equality. What a journey. Women have become literate and the writing on the wall is now legible. She who laughs last, laughs loudest! I never thought I’d see the day. God knows, I resisted this new social order, the one where both genders would be equal in all respects, but when it became clear that this madness was here to stay, I sat down to think - to wrestle this insanity to the ground - to understand the profound sacrifices we as men have had to make. Here are a few insights.


My objection, I realize now, originated with the unfortunate term “emancipation”. You see, in its simplest analysis, a male thought pattern is a sequence of images - of pictures (much like Pavlov described that of a dog). Thus, the imagery conjured up in my mind whenever I heard the word “emancipation” was focussed on "making it more like a man" - and not on the intended meaning - profound liberation. Thus, the torrid mental imprints of my woman arriving home after a hard day’s toil, reeking of beer and sweat, slapping me on the back, saying "Howzit Bru", and then taking her rightful place next to me at the urinal, well, that was enough to cause a quagmire of unspeakable insecurities and role reversals I simply couldn’t turn my back on. Some things are sacred, you know. 


And what of the shadow acts of the bedroom. Yes, this equality thing made its way down the passage, past the kitchen and through the closed door at the end. For millennia, whilst us men were writing The Handbook Of All The Knowledge Of All The World And All That’s Innit, a guide to a satisfying sexual encounter filled little more than the first quarter of one page. That’s all we ever needed to know, after all. Until a female academic from the University of Amsterdam made a rather unsurprising discovery. This brief instructional description in The Handbook was in fact a direct translation of a stone-age rock painting. We also know now that much of what the ancient rock historian painted, was simply inspired by observing the fauna. Hence, at the risk of too much elaboration, one could imagine suggestive, late-night cave-talk, roughly translated, to have included phrases such as: “What about we try the Warthog tonight!” The Lion was understood to be a lot more abrupt and accompanied by neck-biting and grunting, and few had time for the Porcupine, even in that comparatively un-rushed era. The monkey was not practiced at all, since the falling from high trees inevitably resulted in broken bones. Sadly, the crocodile was ignored in the translation for its lack of a rational explanation. Really. That’s what the painting said.


The monotony of cave-man erotica and modern man’s knowledge of the potential of the act as described in The Handbook remained strikingly similar. It revolved around man’s primeval desire to return to all fours. The only positional variation came in later years when missionaries realized that an improved view was possible and turned the whole thing downside up. But I digress.


Women recognized this lack of male imagination early on in their quest for equality and broadened horizons substantially. For that, begrudgingly, I suppose we have to thank them. Ho-ho and well done and all that. We now live comfortably in the resultant age of free tantric ideals. Women made us aware. We saw, we came, they conquered.


So, as with apartheid, it would seem I have to accept that the struggle for gender equality is syphoning into everything. Like fine red dust. And perhaps it’s not all that bad. Yes, women are now allowed to read and write, have opinions and even speak in public, but at least the urinal remains my sole domain. Imagine that. Here, I still stand alone even though I am now, due to the free exchange of ideas between the genders, considering the more comfortable option of sitting down. It seems so much more practical. I don’t have to remain standing, ever vigilantly peering over the stems of tall grass on the lookout for a stalking lion or, God forbid, a peckish Meerkat. Those dangers have disappeared into the fogs of the past. Evolution provided me with options and choices and I am learning how to take women’s advice on how to exercise them. I have, for instance, learned how to cook indoors. (It is almost the same as cooking outside, just with less smoke.) 


Churchill said the only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from it. With the help of women, I have learned that history is not just one thing after another, like it was when we wrote it. It is now the story of women following behind the incompetencies of men. With a bucket. And we should change the future for history’s sake.


As my tongue comes out of my cheek - I am not sure whether our generation will ever be truly be equal. But we will try. If for nothing else, then that our children will understand that it is right, and it is fair, and it is good, and therefore it should always be sacred - a concept we should protect with our very lives.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
14 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
The Last Contrarian
Mystery: Spontaneous Human Combus...

There are nights, indeed entire days, where I willingly become a candidate for spontaneous human combustion.  Read more...

2 comments 267 views
Submitted by
Tyronehster
The Greatest?

There are always debates about who the greatest batsman is, the greatest golfer, the greatest footballer and so on and I think, with one exception, that of Don Bradman, the jury will remain perpetually hung. Read more...

4 comments 69 views
Submitted by
MAVERICK
Why even the Constitutional Court...

On Monday the Con Court knocked back the application by the Africa Unite Party to challenge the IEC on the right to stand for public office, section 19. Read more...

11 comments 890 views
Submitted by
Celeste Maxime Lackay
Managers, Leaders and Politicians...

I have resigned from a job I really loved and held down with pride for 4 years.  Read more...

2 comments 928 views
Submitted by
czoe
The democratic right to vote

It seems that there are so many disgruntled members in the ANC, and some of them have resorted to negative stances, floor crossing and verbal insinuations are the order of the day.  Read more...

7 comments 376 views
Submitted by
Tyronehster
Death Walks Behind me

Nothing makes me so mad as seeing a broad being mistreated, and this one was being mistreated in the most brutal way.  Read more...

9 comments 309 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Escape winter, head to Mauritius

Escape winter by spending 7 nights in Mauritius' tropical bliss from R13 215 per person sharing. Includes return flights, airport transfers and accommodation. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Get many eggs in one basket!

Gaming bundles: 2 Super Hits games for R99, 3 Disney games for R99 and more + exclusive accessory bundles only available on kalahari.com. While stocks last. Shop now!

25% off bestselling books!

The Real Meal Revolution by Tim Noakes, Jeffrey Archer’s Be Careful What You Wish for, Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frank and many more titles. Shop now!

Up to 25% off electronics

Buy top electronics and save up to 25%. Such as kalahari.com’s 1# selling product the gobii eReader, Patriot X Porter flash drive, Asus Nexus 7” 3G tablet, Samsung Galaxy SIII, Lenovo G580 Notebook and many more. Shop now!

DStv HD PVR Decoder now R949

The DStv HD PVR Decoder has further revolutionised the television experience with lifelike viewing, sharper images, more vibrant colours and precision picture quality. Now R949, save R550. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 30% off appliances & homeware

Save up to 30% on appliances and homeware this Easter! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now.

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Digital Media & Marketing Association
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.