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Irukandji
 
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My condolences

21 July 2014, 08:43

Everyone has become used to the media’s feeding frenzy each time a disaster strikes, or when a “celebrity” makes a fool of him/herself, or when terrorists fly into buildings. And then there follows the inevitable flood of condolences from all over the world. But are the “condolencers” really sorry? Are they sincere? I don’t think so.

Remember: “I’m sorry,” and “I apologise, mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.

Some people, like our own Showerhead, will never use the two expressions above. But when it comes to the “condolences” thing, Zuma is right up there with the best of the false “condolencers.”

Zuma sent condolences to the families, friends and colleagues of those killed when Flight MH17 from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur crashed in the Ukraine. If the families, friends and colleagues of those who were killed knew what a big phony Zuma is, or that he is a thief who has stolen millions from the taxpayers and poorest of the poor of this country, do you really think they would want his fake condolences? I know I certainly wouldn’t.

And what about the families of the white farmers who are being killed daily in this country. Do they want Zuma’s phony condolences? (Not that it will ever be forthcoming from this clown.)

Or the hundreds of young girls who are raped and killed here in the Ar-se of Africa (RSA) every day. Do their families need false condolences from the corrupt ANC government?

I don’t think so.

Is it just me, or has it become the norm to send condolences to people you have never even met and know nothing about? Why do people send condolences to the victims of Hamas, or Boko Haram, or the family of murdered Cock Robin, for that matter? Does it make them feel good about themselves? Are they trying to prove to other people how much they care for their fellow man? I just don’t know…

Through the years, there have been many occasions on which I have been overcome with attacks of sorryness, compassion, empathy, and condolences. But this has only happened when grief, or bad luck, or the Grim Reaper, has whacked my family, friends, or loved ones.

To be honest: I really don’t give a rat’s anus for the problems they’re having in the Gaza Strip Club. The Israelites and the Philistines have been at each others’ throats since Biblical times. They deserve each other. I won’t waste my condolences on warmongering fools.

Or the barbarians who have been killing one another in Rwanda, Burundi, Congo, Somalia, or Kenya, for as long as anyone can remember. A plague upon them! Not a single condolence they’ll get from me!

And the ongoing piss stories trial: It freaks me out when I hear that some people offer their condolences to this idiotic, snotgurgling fool, who shoots at closed toilet doors – knowing that his girlfriend was somewhere inside his house.

Wasting a good condolence is like dropping and breaking a bottle of rare whiskey. Perish the thought.

Let me leave you with a final condolence:

I’ve just read a story on Times LIVE with the headline:

Man with world’s biggest penis donating it to museum

My condolences to his wife.

There, I feel much better now…

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