Yo, wud! K!C u 2nite! I'm not quite sure what it is but its certainly not English. However, it does need a name, so I guess English mixed with gooble-de-gook talk would warrant a name such as 'Crap'- ( A 'crude, rubbish, atrocious, pathetic' language) . There are children battling to learn proper English at school, yet it takes little more than a week for them to learn to speak Crap. What's mind staggering is the amount of adults who've also taken to speaking Crap. Its so popular I was beginning to wonder whether we should all insist English be abolished from the school curriculum and be replaced with Crap. Imagine my surprise when I found out Crap was already being taught at schools. I think it comes under the subject of Life Orientation (or Guidance for those of the good old days). It was a really good subject – you never had to write anything down, there were no text books, just a teacher talking to us about what we wanted to do in life. I wonder how our teacher would feel now if she knew most of us spoke Crap. While you may find all this Crap amusing, the pure art of simple, proper English is sadly being lost in Society.
Take the word 'Yo'. Its a Crap word for 'hello'. It has as many letters as the word 'hi' and takes the same amount of time type or write. While neither 'yo' or 'hi' appear in the dictionary on their own, 'hi' is at least described as an acceptable informal word for 'hello'. 'u' on its own is pronounced as it is in the word 'up' and would only become a 'yew' sound if it had an 'e' in it. “Doin', which I assume is short for 'doing', actually spells out 'doyne' and 'c', if typed in lower case, is pronounced with the 'kicking k' sound. What really puzzles me is the abbreviation of 'ok' to 'k'. I really think this Crap should be banned. Grammar is another matter altogether. In proper English we were taught to put capital letters, commas, full stops and question marks in the appropriate places. 'Hello, what are you doing? When are you coming here?'. Now its: 'Yo wot u doin wen u cumin'. Thanks to predictive text, 'yo' at least has a capital letter. Don't even get me started on smiley faces and LOL. Its all just Crap.
I was suitably gob smacked the other day when I read the newspaper. It appears this new language is spreading because according to the newspapers even our Government is now talking Crap – although I suppose it can be argued that they've been talking Crap for quite some time. Its frightening that a language as beautiful as English is being destroyed by Crap. We, as parents, surely have an obligation to our children to teach them English as its meant to be. Its the universal language albeit in English speaking countries only. Instead of sitting on their cellphones talking Crap, parents should be setting an example to their children. Where is all this Crap taking us?
I'm now going to do my part for our children and society and start campaigning to get rid of Crap from our lives. It'll prove challenging I know but I am asking all of you for support. If you really think about it logically, this Crap is really just a load of manure!