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Elizabeth Harlington
 
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My whacky world

28 January 2014, 10:00

 

DEPRESSION


This is a really interesting topic. Everybody wants to be depressed! It's the 'in' thing. Once upon a time, depression was a woman's prerogative, now everybody wants to give it a go. It's confusing too. With three quarters of the world on anti-depressant tablets, you'd think the world would be a happy place. Instead, if someone looks like they're about to smile, we immediately burst into tears, fling ourselves on the bed and refuse to eat for three days – and that's only the ones with mild depression. The standard response for telling someone you're depressed is 'congratulations'. Soon we'll probably have adverts saying “Do you want to be depressed, if so, call 0800 911 911 or send an email to i2wannabeamoron.com'. What a strange society we live in.


These psychologists are something else. They lure you in under the pretense of being able to solve your problems and in your very first session they ask you how they can help you? They start off by asking you about your childhood and this makes you collapse hysterically on the floor. You can still remember when Peter next door got a cell phone for his first birthday. All you got was a Teddy Bear with the words 'Special Baby' embroided on the front. Your parents were cruel! After your dramatic breakdown, the psychologists remove their ear plugs and announce your time is up, however, they do feel progress has been made. They prescribe a course of anti-depressants, which they say will make you feel better, and suggest you attend bi-weekly sessions until you're cured. Seeing as though you're in your upper end of the forties and only just covered the first year of your life, you realize that could take a while. Still, you've been prescribed tablets and have officially been declared depressed - you feel much happier now. Its when the receptionist asks you for the R750,00 consultation fee that you actually start feeling depressed. A psychologists job well done! Meanwhile, back in the office, the psychologists can't contain their laughter anymore. They roll around on the floor with laughter, messaging all their fellow psycho's. Your problems are a good source of entertainment and you're the best they've had all week. The look on your face when you paid the bill really cracked them up. Surely there must be cheaper ways to get depressed.


I think all this depression thing is just nonsense actually. We always seem to want what everyone else has . We're losing our identities by just being one of the crowd. Try being different – why not try bipolar? When bipolar becomes the norm, move onto something else. Why settle for depression when you can have so much more? They develop new conditions daily, you've just got to keep up to date. Schizophrenia is one to keep away from though. You never know if the 'other' one of you will start talking sense and convince you that you have nothing wrong with you. Just thinking about being a normal happy person is enough to kill you.


I'm not sure where all this depression is taking us. Ten to one its just a passing phase. There's nothing much we can do about it so I guess we'll just have to put up with it and enjoy it while we can.

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