PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
thatguyjohn
 
Comments: 15
Article views: 2266
 
 
Latest Badges:

 
View all thatguyjohn's badges.
 

Never speaking to township kids again

22 November 2012, 14:08

It was a Wednesday like any other. Wait, or was it a Monday? It was my uncle Shaun’s birthday. That was a Saturday. It was a Saturday like any other Wednesday - I was at home rapping my uncle’s present. I’m no Jay-Z, but neither is Proverb and he made it. He’s even hosting Idols. I’m hopeful. Please, who am I kidding? It’s clear from this last season of Idols that the Mnet execs don’t want anymore white sugar (that’s what my girlfriend calls me. She’s a diabetic) in their morning coffee.

While rapping my uncle’s present, I was rudely interrupted by my best friend who appeared to have something urgent to ask. I continued rapping. I had only managed to “beat up 3 hoes”, when my friend grabbed my arm and, in between heaving like Benni McCarthy after 5 minutes on the field, he managed to cough up a request: “Please come peak at my kid’s stool.” “I’ve told you a hundred times. I only wear that stethoscope to pick up chicks,” I reminded him.

My girlfriend blurted out something, but her mouth was full of Jelly Tots so I couldn’t make out what she said. “I won’t look at your kid’s poo.”So I did what any self-respecting African man would do and I picked up a stone and aimed it at him. “What? No, I said, ‘please, come speak at my kid’s school.’” That’s something I’m probably not qualified for either, but how could I turn down my best friend? What can I say? I’m a great friend.  “I’ll do it for R500.” He laughed. I slapped him. He paid up. I didn’t choose the thug life, it chose me.

My best friend is black. Helives with his son in a township, although he travels a lot, with his new, high-paying job. He’s going to BEE all he can be. We arrived at the schoolsituated in the middle of the township. I was afraid. Not of being mugged, or hijacked, or needing to go to the toilet. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to relate. What would I say to these children? I knew nothing of what life is like for them. I have DSTV’s premium package. They probably have to watch Etv. What could I tell them, other than the fact that there have been movies made after 2001 and that there are other actors besides Chuck Norris?

I stood there ready to deliver what I sensed was probably going to be a very long awkward silence, when a bird flew into the hall and landed right in front of me. I was startled. I screamed. I flapped my arms. That just encouraged it, obviously. It flew towards me. I swatted at it. For the first 25 years of my life, eye hand coordination eluded me like the correct pronunciation of “circumstance”eludes so many SABC news anchors. But on this fateful day my eyes and hands decided to coordinate in a treacherous attempt to make me the scourge of the earth. That bird never knew what hit it. The children screamed. Some even began to cry (sissies). The headmaster looked on in horror. My best friend began to back out of the hall subtly. I tried to recover by picking up the bird and moving its beak: “Hey kids, I’m ok. I’m still a happy bird.” They didn’t fall for it. Everyone knows birds are racist. They would never speak to a room filled with black kids.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
15 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Victor
Atheists will never understand Ch...

Among the many “get out of jail cards” Christians’ use in debates with atheists is the one where they say that atheists will never understand Christianity.  Read more...

117 comments 1355 views
Submitted by
Colin Webster452
MWEB Protea player beats Zimbabwe...

We are all aware that Kyle Turnbull is without doubt the best FIFA eSports gamer in South Africa as he has been crowned the SA National Champion twice in as many years. Read more...

2 comments 197 views
Submitted by
Ena Du Plessis
Photo illustrates the need for br...

A storm is raging on the internet, about a photo posted on Instagram a few days ago by Elisha Wilson Beach, wife of American TV actor Michael Beach.  Read more...

6 comments 1309 views
Submitted by
Siebert Mazus
Answer to Lardo Stander on Coelac...

This is an article in response to a question Lardo Stander asked me in a comment made as a result of the article: Evolution- how it works. Read more...

85 comments 775 views
Submitted by
Thendo Afrika
Stand for South Africa

On the 27 of April, let us not celebrate freedom but rather let’s mourn the victims of crime by marching to all centres of government across the country. Read more...

2 comments 55 views
Submitted by
Tee
God's Timing is always the Best.

God gave them a promise that they were going to have a child, but year after year nothing happened, so they decided to help God out. Read more...

40 comments 438 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.