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Bergie & Charles
 
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News24 Trolls Exposed!

05 October 2012, 12:26

During our time on the News24 forums, we’ve noticed a growing trend among people who are desperately deprived of attention, so let’s engage in a bit of Troll-Spotting!

Troll-spotting is nothing to be scoffed at and we’ve honed our skills to sniff out and deliver the chief trouble-makers’ heads on a platter.  Do with them as you please.

To be clear, an Internet Trolls is the Mugabe of the net, whose aim is to upset the apple cart of intelligent debate, usually by employing ad hominem attacks or subtle diversion tactics.  Many deep, meaningful and potentially life-changing God vs atheist debates have been utterly ruined by the little monsters under the bridge. In all honesty, people who ruin other people’s articles are just plain despicable.

So, who are the repeat offending trolls on News24?

Huck Starr – this atheist invention is a quasi-Mormon wannabe who failed Bible School and was expelled to Africa.  According to his own legend, he was probably hoping to garner some South African souls but his overly-zealous rants gave him away for the troll that he is.  Well, that and his Alfred E. Neuman pic on Facebook.

Crrackpot – aka, Crracker, Mr copy & paste, is the Christian answer to Huck Starr. While Huck Starr’s modus is to drive people away from the church by making Christians seem stupid, Ccrackpot does the same thing, but for atheists.  Perhaps Huck and Crrack could form a little support group under the bridge?  Being the same person we’re sure they share the same bridge anyway.

Nancy – While there are many that assume Nancy is the mother of Charles (who may or may not be adopted by the way), take it on good faith that this feisty little pensioner is in no way connected to Mr Dumbwin.  We’re not sure which is funnier; Nancy’s over the top Christian musings or the suckers who enjoy having their eyes scratched as they take her on.  This mad-hatter has not surprisingly formed a bond with Zion.

Andy – aka, Brett, Biker and Crotch Infection.  This peculiar little Jewish man has morphed through philandering husband, to doting father, to internet dating scion, only to turn into a suicide-prone gay man. His last appearance as a Village People outcast stretched our sympathy beyond measure as his true agenda shone through.  He’s probably doing twenty years for fraud whilst enjoying an illegal Internet connection from his cell at Pollsmoor.

Bob Houston – We have our doubts about this guy, but he was one of our favourites anyway.  Sorry, favorites - that extra ‘u’ was always going to give him away.  As did his reference to traffic circles when we know they are called roundabouts in the States.  The pot-stirring, oversized, mountain-lion-hunting, seal-clubbing Texan, had the tree-huggers frothing with his plans to frack the Karoo.  At one point we thought the News24 hordes were going to lynch the old guy.  RIP, Bob.

Judy ‘Damn the man’ Beggs – Never short of an opinion, if Jody runs out of intelligent debate (at least four times a day) he can always fall back on conventional wisdom with his time-honoured classic: ‘DamnTheMan’.  Like  Crracker, he could be a Christian invention designed to make atheists look stupid.  Or perhaps he really just is, you know, stupid?

So there you have it. In order to keep the trolls at bay, we ask you not to feed them.  Look at them if you want. Read them if you must, but never, ever, lower yourself to their under-shady-bridge tactics.

There are a few others which we’re keeping our eyes on, but those suspects are no more than conspiracy theories at this point.  Stay tuned for updates!

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