Taking it literally or not, the books have been described by my sweet innocent sister in law as a marriage saver, OH! Was my response, thinking well your sex life must have been pretty boring for both of you then, of course this was before I had settled properly into the storyline.
I was having serious difficulty getting past the usual Mills & Boon, rich, gorgeous, Adonis style hero who sweeps you off your feet with endless romantic clichés, falling at his feet n their first encounter, is he/isn’t he why would he be interested in a lowly little woman like me, only in my dreams style. Only this heroic, only god himself could create, man of means has a side to him that is less than appealing. My sister in law, with insistent eyes over the dinner table, husbands in attendance, insists that I should continue reading, it will improve, she says promising a surprise in store that is not to be discussed under the current circumstances!
Umm I’m thinking maybe I should keep going, maybe there’s more to this than the average Jackie Collins novel. Further discussions reveal I’m not the only one on the threshold of throwing in the towel. My very own avid reader of a sister, whose literary opinion is invaluable, was of the same mind as myself, but added that her neighbor had read them and didn’t see what all the sexual fuss was about, there was nothing in it that she had either been dong regularly or had indeed tried.
Our thoughts are well she’s either a real dirty bitch or well let’s find out for ourselves my sister and I think as we laugh out loud at the idea of it all. My brother in law, (he hasn’t read the book, only heard about it) on a recent flight to Slovakia, tells laughingly how he noticed on the flight that virtually every woman was reading it, and every man sitting beside them was either grinning or looking terrified! Praise indeed and intriguing.
So after letting them gather dust for a few weeks and needing to fill some of the current boredom whilst awaiting a huge shift of lifestyle, (nothing to do with the books) I read, and read and read some more. I’m two books in now and at the beginning of the third, hoping that the edge that kept me reading almost non-stop through the first two doesn’t lose its momentum, I am now perilously caught in the void that is Christian Grey and a nearly thirty year marriage with (even if I say so myself) what I think is a very healthy, happy and active sex life. Oh and with a gorgeous guy to boot.
In saying this, these damn books do exactly what it says on the tin, they do something to your mind, I really wish now I hadn’t read all those Mills & Boon books my mother and Aunt used to leave lying around when I was a child, not that I took any of them seriously, the Clark Gable look alike was never going to ride his white steed in my direction, no, not in my paradigm. Only Woody the drummer form Bay City Rollers would have stole my show.
So take this to my translation and breaching the gap, I’ve had to translate it for myself into my world of regretful sagging in the middle, stressful work, financial woes, need to stop growing old so fast lifestyle with grandchildren. Here’s how it goes!
Himself: “Any chance of a quickie?”
Christian:” I want to make passionate love to you.”
H: “How about a wee bit of how’s your father?”
C: “You and I are meant to be together in every way, emotionally and physically”.
H: “why are you wearing so many clothes in bed?”
C: “how about we I peel off all your clothes so that I can see your beautiful body.”
H: Shoves his hand down there.
C: “I can’t wait to feel each and every intimate part of you.”
H: Rolls over on top and goes at it.
C: “I can’t control my feelings, my inner want and need for you is driving me crazy, I must have you now.”
H: Groin area being less than subtly nudged in the direction of your face area.
C: “I can’t resist the way you love to pleasure me”
H: “You’ve got great tits!”
C: “you are the perfect specimen of womanhood”
H:” Open your legs”
C:” Let me see all of your beautiful, glorious body”
Let me know if it works!
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