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Tyronehster
 
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Old folks

08 May 2014, 06:57

I think it’s time we start an Old Fogey’s Club here on N24. There are enough of us, after all.

Regardless of our philosophical or religious beliefs and backgrounds…ooh, a kitty cat!...where was I? Oh yes, I’m sick and tired of the constant carping about fishing. Fish have rights after all, that’s why they carp!

So if we stick together like you-know-what to an old Army blanket, think what we could achieve. We could collectively, forget more than these young’uns will ever learn! Oops! My nappie’s just come loose. There we are, fixed it with a bit of duct tape. I’m going to have a good old laugh when the nurse tries to take it off!

So yes, the price of bread is something on which I think we can all agree. It has a price, no question, and the price is our dignity as a nation. So tomorrow, when you go to the poles, to have a pee, while on your way to the polls, think hard about who it is you’re going to be voting for.

Nothing was ever achieved by putting your cross on a bun, hot as it might have been. Put it where it belongs: on a ballot paper! Putting it on a bun will only inflate the price of bread, and that is something we can ill afford.

So why do I think we should stick together? Because the young’uns are ganging up on us, that’s why. They outnumber us, make fun of us and, every now and then pretend to be nice to us. That’s the scary part: because you know what that means! They’re planning to put us in an old-age home, where we can watch daytime TV all day and sit around complaining.

I’m quite happy complaining right here, on N24! I don’t have to go to an old-age home for that!

Down in th’ holler, I heerd, they putten th’ old folks in they own cabin, where they kin set on th’ front porch an’ whittle on sticks ‘n’ thangs, and chew baccy and spit real good. Thet there is the life!

I think I should be the President of the Old Fogey’s Club because, even though I’m, much younger than most of you, I forget a lot, so I would constantly be welcoming new members! How nice is that?

Sir Iru would be the Treasurer, because he has his own farm, and therefore, money. Ramm could keep us entertained with stories of…you know…the things he talks about. Des could regale us with something, as long as the gale doesn’t emanate from his bottom. Atheitis and I could argue incessantly, like an old married couple (even though we’re both still married).

Think of the fun we could have making fun of the young’uns and throwing imaginary horseshoes! We would be the envy of every single contributor to these pages. Toppies of the world unite!

One last little gem I picked up yesterday. It doesn't concern age, but surviving to an older age. Women who are slightly overweight live longer lives than the men who tell them.

It takes age to recognise wisdom of that sort, and that we have in abundance.

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