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CynicalBookworm
 
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One fine Day at Nkandla

17 April 2014, 14:46

Sometime in February 2014 at Nkandla. A leader and two ex-members of a political party are having a quick chat over a cup of tea.

Jacob:          Ah, Ronnnie, my old friend, and Nozizwe, both my favourite communist comrades, come in, come in. Sit down, both of you. Tea? Coffee? Steward! [Raised voice].

Ronnnie:       Hello Jacob, you’re looking good…fit and healthy eh?

Noziziwe:        Eh, sawubona Msholozi. Kunjani?

Jacob:           Eh, yes my friends, I ‘m doing well, really well. Aha aha. And how are your families?

Ronnie:         Doing well thanks Jacob. Amina sends her love to both of you.

Nozizwe:         Thanks Ronnie.

Jacob:         Comrades, we have a problem, and I need your help. Aha aha. The ANC, she’s not looking too good for the elections this year. The madam’s tea party, aha aha, they are making us look bad. We think she might do better this year at the elections. Maybe even take Gauteng as well as the Cape.

Noziziwe:    How can we help? You know that we have been so critical of you recently.

Jacob:           Eish, I know. But this is for the beloved party, not me. The ANC needs you to help.

Ronnie:          For the party – anything – just name it.

Jacob:            We have been thinking, aha aha. There’s a lot of the people out there who are upset. Look at all the service delivery protests going on. People think we aren’t looking after them. But we are! Just look at the nice new palace we have in Mzansi. Aha aha.

                   What my advisors have come up with is a plan. We’ve been watching the development sin India recently, and we like the NOTA – None Of The Above – way of voting. Just imagine. If we give people of this country, the dedicated ANC supporters the chance of voicing their complaints in the elections, at no cost to us of votes, or rather, without benefitting the tea party?

Noziziwe:      But Msholozi, we don’t have the NOTA vote system. I understood it was only for                             electronic voting ‘cause you can’t spoil an electronic vote.

Jacob:           Exactly my dear friend. So we tell the people to spoil their ballots purposefully. That’s a vote lost for all the opposition parties, but it’s of no consequence to us – we won’t feel it.

Ronnie:        O, okay, makes sense. And you want us to pretend to be dissatisfied with the ANC, and advocate people to spoil their ballots, rather than vote against the party? I like. I like.

Noziziwe:        But what do we get out of it?

Jacob:             Of course.  None of us joined the struggle to be poor hey? Aha aha. We’ll make sure that something comes your way after the elections, something worthwhile. Don’t I always reward my friends well? The Gupta boys are in on this, in fact, it was Ajay’s idea I think. They’ll find you both good “consulting” jobs, well worthwhile I think you’ll find.

Ronnnie:         When do we start Jacob?

Jacob:         Let’s time it for about a month before the elections. That way it’ll look like you put a lot of though into it.

Noziziwe:      Hey, why don’t we even give it a name? Let’s call it the Sidikiwe Vukani  "Vote No" campaign. This could be fun. Maybe we’ll even get into the newspapers again.

Jacob:           I knew I could count on you. Once an ANC member – always an ANC member. Viva, eh my friends? Aha aha. Go now and start making plans, and my blessing upon both of you.

Noziziwe:       Thankyou Nkosi.

Ronnnie:         Bye Jacob.

Exit Ronnie and Noziziwe left

Jacob:             Suckers!

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