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Online Dating tips for guys

05 February 2013, 13:00

Hi Guys,

I too have ventured out into the deep dark world of cyber dating. Dating in your 30's is hard enough as it is without those of you that break these fundamental rules.

Please give us girls a break and stick to these, will ya? 

1.       Firstly, women aren’t that stupid (well many of us aren’t). If your marital status says “tell you later” it means you’re still married. I don’t care if you’re going through a divorce, or you intend going through a divorce, the lawyer is just taking long, or the divorce will be final on Tuesday… If you’re still married you shouldn’t be on a dating site. Period.  In fact, now that I think about it… You shouldn’t be on a dating site for at least AFTER your divorce. Nobody likes broken goods. Deal with the divorce first then start dating.

2.        Now I’m not speaking for all girls when I say this, but if you’re over 40 and you have never been married and have no kids, I feel that either you have commitment issues or nobody wanted you.  For the rare exceptions that you were jetsetting and you have a low sperm count or something. I apologise. For the rest of you…You shouldn’t be on a dating site either.

3.       Choose your alias wisely. For Pete’s sake people. Gentle_Lover354 is not a cool nick. What are you thinking? Do you REALLY think a woman’s going to read your profile and go “Hmmm, I’m so tired of being neglected. Oh wait! Here’s one for me! That’s just what the doctor ordered!”. Erm….No. we don’t. It makes you look desperate. And honey, in my experience, the ones that brag about their prowess rarely has the size or talent that makes me come back for more.  While I’m on the subject. The words sexy, boy, lover, big and angel, are also taboo in your nicknames.

4.       Do not ask me how big my boobs are. It’s none of your beeswax. When a man that I’ve never met before in real life asks me this it means one of two things:  A) you’re married and you just want to talk dirty over the internet. B) You’re married and you’re looking for a mistress. I’m sorry your wife doesn’t put out more.  Now get off the dating site.

5.       Please don’t lie about your height. It seems like when women shave a couple of kilos of their weight in their profile, the men add a couple of centimetres. I am 1.75. I know I’m 1.75. Sooner or later we’re going to meet and I don’t want to walk in the mall with a guy who spikey hair barely reaches my chin. Just be honest. There’s plenty of dwarf girls that will date you, I’m sure.

These are just my top 5 rules. I could write a book actually. Maybe I should!

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