PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Tyronehster
 
Comments: 26
Article views: 0
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Tyronehster's badges.
 

Origin of the Species II

09 November 2012, 12:30

‘Lilith, wake up! You’re snoring.’

‘Huh?’ Lilith rolled over a bit groggily. ‘What do you mean, snoring?’

‘I mean you were going grhaaaphr while you were sleeping; it’s how you were breathing.’

‘But why do you call it snoring?’

‘I don’t know, I just made it up!’

‘Nice word. Now can I get back to sleep?’

‘Okay, but roll over; you’re keeping me awake.’

‘But this dust gets into my nose, that’s why I’m, what do you call it? Oh yes, snoring.’

Adam sighed. This was ridiculous! ‘Lilith, you’re made of dust! Dust can’t make you snore.’

She pouted, quite prettily. ‘Then why do you think I’m snoring if it’s not the dust?’

‘How am I supposed to know? All I know is I’m bombed out from naming animals the whole day and I don’t want you snoring like one. Okay?’

She got up, presenting her prettily dimpled, naked derriere to him. ‘Well, then you can sleep by yourself!’ and off she flounced, even though the word had not yet been invented.

‘Oy vey!’ said Adam, betraying his Jewishness even before there was such a thing as a Jew. This was getting tiresome. She was quite the most wilful being he’d ever known. What was he going to do?

By morning, Lilith had not yet returned and Adam was becoming quite concerned. So much so that he mistakenly misnamed some animals. Where was this blasted woman? Just because he said he was in charge, was no reason for her to stamp her tiny feet and stomp off! He was in charge, God had said so.

Meanwhile, she was wandering further and further out of the garden, until three angels stopped her. ‘And where do you think you’re going?’ one of them asked.

‘Anywhere, as long as it’s away from Adam: he makes me sick!’

‘He’s your husband,’ said the angel mildly. ‘You have to obey him.’

‘I’m not going back there, and I’ll tell you something else: if God makes him another woman, I’ll find her children and kill them!’

The angels looked at each other and, without a word, rushed her and pinned her to the ground. ‘We’re going to have to imprison you for all eternity if you do that,’ their leader said.

‘Okay, I’ll tell you what,’ she said. 'If a mother hangs an amulet around the child’s neck with an image of you three, I won’t harm the child. I’ll just howl like a wolf and terrify children and mothers alike.’

The angels let her get up. She dusted herself off. ‘Well, I’m off and out of this garden, and if I don’t ever see another man, it’ll be too soon!’

And so was born Women’s Liberation, way before bras and their burning. Way before Germaine Greer and all the other host of feminists down the years…

‘Now you wait a goldarn minute! That ain’t true!’

Hiram looked up fum the book he wus readin’.  ‘I din’ say it wus true, it’s whut some folks b’lieve!’

‘But that’s jes plain dumb! It’s there in the Bible, Adam and Eve! I never heerd tell a no Lilith,’ said Abner stubbornly.

‘I’m jes sayin’ some folks b’lieve it, but I know it ain’t true, cause I know where they get it fum.’

‘Yeah?’ said Abner. He was still riled, you could tell, an’ when he got riled, it took him a long while t’ come down agin.

‘Y’see, them there Assyrians, they had themselves a demon goddess called Lilith, an’ some folks thank she wus Adam’s fust wife, an’ she wus made fum dust, same as him, instead of fum his rib, like Eve. Isaiah talks about her some, but that wus on’y about five hunnert and forty years before Jesus come along, so it ain’t in the Bible’

‘Then why do some folks thank it is?’ asked Buford.

Hiram turned to him, real patient like, and said. ‘Nobuddy b’lieves it’s in the Bible, Buford, but them folks whut don’t b’lieve it, they say is should be in there.’

‘How in tarnation kin they say sumpin so dumb? They never writ the Bible!’ Buford wusn’ a man who got riled real quick, but when he got riled, it wus sumpin’ t’see.

‘Yeah, but there’s some Talmudic scholars…’

‘Whut in tarnation is a Talmudic scholar?’ blurted Abner. He wus always goin’ on ‘bout sumpin’ on account of he had hisself some book larnin’.

‘Talmudic scholars are Jewish people who study the ol’ legends of Israel and the like. Anyways, them people upped an’ said that God fust made Lilith fum the dust, same as Adam. They call these here stories ‘midrashes’, on account of they wus legends.’

‘Anyhow, these here scholars thought Lilith wus made fust, but then Adam got so goldarned upset cause she wouldn’ listen t’ him, that he made her so upset, she lef’, then God made Eve fum Adam’s rib.’

‘They also say that Adam wus so riled with Eve for eatin’ that there fruit an’ them bein’ kicked outa the garden an’ all, that he lef’ her, an’ foun’ this other woman, Lilith, but he din’ know she wus a demon, so she kilt all the babies they had. That’s why he done went back to Eve.’

Buford shook his head. ‘That sure is one fine mess, right there.’

‘Y’sure got that right, Buford, you sure got that right. Thang is, them Jewish people din’ b’lieve none a it, but people nowadays, them city folk, they say it’s the real truth, that the Bible is made up and Lilith wus the fust woman, not Eve.’

‘An’ you say them city folks can read better than Abner?’

Hiram nodded, real wise-like. ‘’S’right, they got theirselves eddications an’ all, but it don’ matter nohow, cause dumb is dumb. Don’ matter how you dress it up.’

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
26 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Carla Botha
A burning land

You tie an innocent person’s hands and feet with rope, you put an old black car tire around his body. You pour petrol over this still-alive person and you light a match.  Read more...

18 comments 554 views
Submitted by
Zwelithini Mxhego
Lets unite under the banner of lo...

Maybe I have kept quite for far too long. You know, Nelson Mandela has come and he had declared "let us forgive, but let us not forget".  Read more...

1 comments 163 views
Submitted by
Chris Khanye
SA is rendered lawless and ungove...

It was at the 73rd Anniversary of the ANC on 8 January 1985, where Oliver Tambo made a call to the national executive committee of the ANC congress - Render South Africa ungovernable! Read more...

11 comments 1005 views
Xenophobia and SA's reputation

The damage and dent that it is causing to the reputation of South Africa as a democracy can not be measured in any kind of financial terms. Read more...

10 comments 496 views
Submitted by
Iden Yu Mn
There is no Spoon

Phobias are very very rare in groups and are normally isolated experiences, not experienced or shared as a group. Read more...

11 comments 207 views
Submitted by
Peter Currie983
Today's youth

The problem with today's youth is that they have no direction or discipline and the problem lies with the parents mostly but not all.  Read more...

8 comments 274 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.