PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 9
Article views: 261
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Our own Pope, at last

13 February 2013, 10:00

I have always been fascinated by rites and rituals. Just seeing a priest strolling down the centre aisle in church – swinging those little canisters (releasing the obnoxious fumes which are meant to stun the congregation into submission), or watching Showerhead dancing in full traditional Zulu regalia (complete with leopard skin, *duck glassis, and Nike takkies), fills me with wonder.

Few rituals on Earth, however, can compare with the show that is staged by the Roman Catholic Church when a new Pope is elected. The opening ceremony of the Olympic Games doesn’t even come close. Now that Pope Benedict XVI has resigned, I’m gleefully anticipating the spectacle of seeing all those cardinals, in their **gay dresses, choosing his successor.

One of the most famous traditions of the papal succession ritual is the appearance of smoke from the chimney of the room (conclave), where the voting takes place. The cardinals conduct a secret ballot until someone receives a vote of two-thirds plus one. The ballots are burned after each vote. Black smoke indicates a failed ballot; white smoke means a new pope has been elected. Since the cardinals meet in isolation, it's the only way to inform the public about the proceedings.

After this, the new Pope goes out on the balcony, and blesses the people who have been waiting for heaven knows how long. Everyone is happy. At least, that’s what it looks like to me.

Now, there are rumours that a home-grown Pope, from our own Zumania, might be next in line for this stately job.

Can you imagine electing a Pope; the “South African” way?

First, the “cardinals” wearing red T-shirts, waving knobkerries and pangas, toi-toi down the main street – trashing the area – damaging public and private property; whilst robbing street vendors of their wares.

“We demand a new Pope! We demand a new Pope!” they sing.

Next, they break down the doors to City Hall and pack its insides to the brim. The reporters, cops, and those who are stuck in the traffic outside, impatiently wait for smoke to come out of the chimney.

At last, smoke rises to the heavens. But, much to everyone’s dismay, the smoke is black!

“Demmit! That’s BEE smoke,” says a farmer, from Bronkhorstspruit, who has been sitting inside his bakkie for hours. “I’m leaving for Australia.”

“No, it’s not BEE,” replies his brother, “They’re just burning some tyres, as usual.”

The wait continues for hours. The crowd dances, sings struggle songs, and stone the cops. The cops shoot and kill a couple. Everyone is happy.

And then, just when the sun is about to set, white smoke slowly curls towards the skies.

“It is white! That’s racist smoke!” shouts someone in the crowd. “Kill the farmer, kill the Boer.”

“Calm down, wena,” says Archbishop Tutu, “the vottas are smoking zol. This is an old tradition of our Rainbow Nation.”

After a while the new Pope emerges from the building.

“I’ll give you jobs, houses, and farms, if you vote for the ANC,” he says to the mindless mass of ***pee pull. “If you don’t, God and his ancestors will be very angry with you.”

He gets into his luxury car. The Blue Light Brigade starts up and race towards the Pope’s compound in Nkandla – endangering the lives of all road users. Everyone is happy. At least, that’s what Mac Maharaj says.

*duck glassis – dark glasses

**gay – I’m not implying that the cardinals are moffies

***pee pull –from Latin, meaning: pee pull, or “those who breed like flies”    

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
9 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Danie Strijdom
AIDS, Acronyms and Game Theory

Last night I attended an interesting event hosted by a society I belong to. Our speaker was a young virologist, Dr Britta Flach, who told us all about the HIV virus and how finding a vaccine for HIV has been a very tough road to navigate for scientists working in the field.  Read more...

8 comments 426 views
Submitted by
Wayne Russell
Consequences for misbehaviour

I attended primary and high school in the Eastern Cape. I remember receiving jacks from teachers and administrators until Grade 10. Not many smacks, but enough to recall a few. Read more...

13 comments 1201 views
Dat Plane in Ukraine, Putin & a C...

As a last word... I crack myself up! Hysteria is the only option. Read more...

24 comments 556 views
Submitted by
Rools
Submitted by
Soka Mthembu
Submitted by
Lion87
A Letter to Danny Jordaan

The administration are so incompetent it makes the ANC seem like the excellence of the Swiss!  Read more...

19 comments 2278 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Up to 60% off - clearance sale!

Save up to 60% on appliances, books, electronics, toys, movies and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Deal of the Week!

Get bestselling John Green novels now just R99 each! Hurry and get yours while stocks last. Shop here.

Mind blowing deals on beauty & fragrances

Save up to 30% off beauty and fragrances. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 50% off hair care products!

Save up to 50% on professional hair care products at kalahari.com. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

30% off academic books

Score a mind blowing 30% off academic books! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.