PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 9
Article views: 302
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Our own Pope, at last

13 February 2013, 10:00

I have always been fascinated by rites and rituals. Just seeing a priest strolling down the centre aisle in church – swinging those little canisters (releasing the obnoxious fumes which are meant to stun the congregation into submission), or watching Showerhead dancing in full traditional Zulu regalia (complete with leopard skin, *duck glassis, and Nike takkies), fills me with wonder.

Few rituals on Earth, however, can compare with the show that is staged by the Roman Catholic Church when a new Pope is elected. The opening ceremony of the Olympic Games doesn’t even come close. Now that Pope Benedict XVI has resigned, I’m gleefully anticipating the spectacle of seeing all those cardinals, in their **gay dresses, choosing his successor.

One of the most famous traditions of the papal succession ritual is the appearance of smoke from the chimney of the room (conclave), where the voting takes place. The cardinals conduct a secret ballot until someone receives a vote of two-thirds plus one. The ballots are burned after each vote. Black smoke indicates a failed ballot; white smoke means a new pope has been elected. Since the cardinals meet in isolation, it's the only way to inform the public about the proceedings.

After this, the new Pope goes out on the balcony, and blesses the people who have been waiting for heaven knows how long. Everyone is happy. At least, that’s what it looks like to me.

Now, there are rumours that a home-grown Pope, from our own Zumania, might be next in line for this stately job.

Can you imagine electing a Pope; the “South African” way?

First, the “cardinals” wearing red T-shirts, waving knobkerries and pangas, toi-toi down the main street – trashing the area – damaging public and private property; whilst robbing street vendors of their wares.

“We demand a new Pope! We demand a new Pope!” they sing.

Next, they break down the doors to City Hall and pack its insides to the brim. The reporters, cops, and those who are stuck in the traffic outside, impatiently wait for smoke to come out of the chimney.

At last, smoke rises to the heavens. But, much to everyone’s dismay, the smoke is black!

“Demmit! That’s BEE smoke,” says a farmer, from Bronkhorstspruit, who has been sitting inside his bakkie for hours. “I’m leaving for Australia.”

“No, it’s not BEE,” replies his brother, “They’re just burning some tyres, as usual.”

The wait continues for hours. The crowd dances, sings struggle songs, and stone the cops. The cops shoot and kill a couple. Everyone is happy.

And then, just when the sun is about to set, white smoke slowly curls towards the skies.

“It is white! That’s racist smoke!” shouts someone in the crowd. “Kill the farmer, kill the Boer.”

“Calm down, wena,” says Archbishop Tutu, “the vottas are smoking zol. This is an old tradition of our Rainbow Nation.”

After a while the new Pope emerges from the building.

“I’ll give you jobs, houses, and farms, if you vote for the ANC,” he says to the mindless mass of ***pee pull. “If you don’t, God and his ancestors will be very angry with you.”

He gets into his luxury car. The Blue Light Brigade starts up and race towards the Pope’s compound in Nkandla – endangering the lives of all road users. Everyone is happy. At least, that’s what Mac Maharaj says.

*duck glassis – dark glasses

**gay – I’m not implying that the cardinals are moffies

***pee pull –from Latin, meaning: pee pull, or “those who breed like flies”    

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
9 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Mark Duffield
City of Joburg - a law unto thems...

The City of Joburg is incompetent, egotistical, lazy, disrespectful of our Constitution and the rule of law. Most definitely not “in it” to serve and help their customers. Read more...

0 comments 2087 views
Submitted by
Mlibazisi Jeffrey
Las Vegas and Mogadishu: lessons ...

Intellectually open people know that terror has no race. Yet terrorism has been used to demonise and “other” Muslims and people of a particular look. Read more...

0 comments 128 views
Submitted by
Yj Draiman
Israel must build at least 100k h...

All the territory west of the Jordan River and more belongs to the State of Israel, based on historical data, international law and agreements. Read more...

0 comments 285 views
Submitted by
Siavosh Hosseini
Trump decertifying Iran could be ...

The Iranian regime is finding itself in a position of fighting for its very survival as the international community and the Iranian people call the regime to account.  Read more...

0 comments 234 views
Submitted by
DRUM Digital
SEE: People react to #Brickz sent...

Kwaito star and convicted rapist Sipho 'Brickz' Ndlovu has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for the rape of a 17 year old relative. See how social media reacted. Read more...

0 comments 2853 views
Submitted by
DRUM Digital
SEE: Social media reacts to Zuma'...

President Jacob Zuma has done another cabinet reshuffle. See how social media reacted. Read more...

0 comments 1070 views
 

services

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2017 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.