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Penile Prattle

14 April 2014, 14:57

A few years ago, there was a one-woman show doing the rounds: The Vagina Monologues. I didn’t see it, so I cannot comment on how apt or funny it was, but I can comment on this, and shall. Try and put on a show and name it, for want of a better name, Penile Prattle. The show would be jerked immediately (pardon the intended pun) and the writers, directors and actor would be in trouble with the censors (what remains of them).

But here is my real gripe: There is currently an ad on TV for First for Women, where the man is shown to be forgetful, insensitive and a total idiot. It is meant to be amusing. It is not.

Try reverse the roles and make an ad showing the woman to be a bad driver, insensitive to her man’s needs and generally uninformed on important matters. The ad would be banned, if it were aired at all, and you would be taken before the HRC.

Another ad shows a dad trying to work out how to do Internet banking, because men, who invented the Internet, are too stupid do use it. His daughter, a smug, unmannered brat, then goes on to tell him how stupid he is and how easy it is to do Internet banking, while the mother rolls her eyes and gives her husband pitying looks.

I could go on and on, but shan’t.

When women say they want equality, they are not being truthful. They want superiority, and they want to be given it. I am a feminist, in the truest sense of the word: those who have read my stories can bear witness to that. These ladies, and I shall call them ladies in spite of the obvious fact that they are not, are femiNazis. Men are there for breeding and doing the crappy jobs no-one else wants to, or in fact can, do.

Players in the Ladies’ Singles Final at Wimbledon receive substantially less than the men and complain this is sexist, which is utterly untrue. The TV networks know that more people tune into the Men’s Final, so they stand to make more money and the men are, as a result, paid more.

The women object to this; they say it’s sexist: what it is, is business.

If you just take the time into account – Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal played a mammoth four hours and forty-eight minutes in the final in 2008. It is considered the greatest tennis match in history. That’s a lot of time for advertising revenue. Ergo, they get paid more.

And it’s not only in places like sports or ads. Sitcoms and even movies, show dad out to be the buffoon or insensitive boor, while mom and the kids are smart as whips. Is Blondie ever as stupid as Dagwood?

Women can say about men precisely what they want, in print or any other medium, and it’s acceptable. They accuse men of having one-track minds and feel this is completely acceptable. What if I were to say, in print, that women cannot park, are poor at managing money, are emotionally unstable and marry largely for security?

For instance, an old saying sheds light on this: A man marries a woman thinking she’ll never change; a woman marries a man thinking he will.

Now I don’t want you to get the wrong impression here. I believe women should be paid equally well when they do the same job as a man. I believe that women should be accorded all the opportunities men enjoy, if they’re physically capable of doing it.

I also believe women should be respected and nurtured and honoured for who and what they are. Women should not want to be wannabe men. They should be secure in their femininity and revel in it!

Women should enjoy the fact that men pull out chairs for them, open doors for them, stand back and allow them through. This should not be seen, as it is by femiNazis, as an attempt to show women as being weak, or second-class.  

What has happened over the last fifty years has been a deliberate attempt at a reversal of roles. Female chauvinism, if you will, but with one major difference: gentleman did not insult women and, in fact would have been asked to step outside had they done so.

We all know of the existence of the glass ceiling, and there is no doubt it exists. So does the old boy network, which keeps certain men out of jobs, or limits their opportunities. The fact is simply this: in most cases men built these industries in which the women work. So it stands to reason that, unless the woman shows herself to be outstanding, such as Cynthia Carrol, who rose to be Chairman of the Board of Anglo American, companies buit by men will be run by men.

I’ve been married for thirty-five years and there’s no doubting who’s the boss in my home and I really do think that’s right. When any big decision is made, we make it together, and then the final decision rests with me. Because someone has to make a decision.

Someone has to be in charge, and every home I’ve seen where the woman is genuinely in charge, is a miserable home with a hen-pecked husband who enjoys no respect from his kids or, in fact, anyone else. These men are not the movers and shakers of the world. They are not the great artists, writers and statesmen. They are wusses, and will forever remain doormats, until the day they murder their wives, or die.

If you look at a genuinely patriarchal society, such as Islam, you’ll see something unexpected.

I have a number of Muslim clients and guess who’s the boss in the home? Give that man a cigar! That’s right, the woman. In almost every situation, when the mother dies, the family seems to dissolve. They are the pillar of strength in the family; the glue that holds the family together.

When the father dies, if he has life cover, there’s mourning and pain and life goes back to normal pretty soon, even if the woman never remarries.

Men and women have separate roles and strengths, and the worst thing we can do is to blur, or even worse, obliterate those boundaries.

Because then we land up with the chaos that is the modern family.

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