PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 15
Article views: 656
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Points to ponder

28 March 2014, 10:33

For seven years running, on the last Saturday of March, we celebrate the *WTF Earth Hour. Millions of people around the World will be switching off their lights for 60 minutes to show their commitment to taking positive actions for our planet.

Luckily, the people here in the good old Arse of South Africa (RSA), don’t have to do anything. Between Eskom, incompetent municipalities, and cable thieves, we have Hours of Darkness (or Duckness, as it is known in the vernacular), almost every day.

During yesterday’s Hours of Duckness, Sakkie and I pondered on many things – one of them being my son’s birthday on the 28th of March, every year. Let me tell you about it:

According to the Bible, Adam was the first man on Earth to knew. He knew Eve; she bare him sons, which he begat. (This is all theological jargon which I doubt that you will understand. I certainly don’t.)

Sometimes Adam knew Eve more than once (just for the fun of it) before he begat another son. And then that son would knew some nameless woman, and he would begat. And their sons would knew other women and they would begat. And so on. And so forth.

They knew and begatted a lot in the Old Testament.

Be that as it may, some 37 years and 9 months ago, I knew my wife, and I begat a son nine months later, in the Moedersbond Maternity Hospital, in Pretoria. The 28th of March 1977, was on a Monday – check it out – I was there.

My son was delivered by **cesarean section. It looked so painful, I cried because I knew my wife. But that’s another story.

On the following Sunday morning, my wife told me that she had behaved well, and that she was allowed to go home from hospital. I went to the reception to make arrangements for payment to the medical team, and hospital, for assisting with the begatting.

The old sourpuss in the nurse’s uniform insisted that she wanted the money, or a cheque, NOW. I told her that I didn’t have a cheque account or enough money with me, but that I would draw the funds from my banking account the next day, and pay for the whole begatting thing.

“In that case, young man,” said the old bitch with the ugly moustache, “you can take your wife home, but the baby stays right here until you make the payment!”

In those days I was not a nice guy.

“All right, tell you what,” I said. “You phone the cops so long, because I’m going to kick your hospital to pieces, and then I’m taking my wife home. Right now! And no one is going to stop me.”

I must have made an impression because she didn’t phone the cops. So I didn’t kick her hospital to pieces. I took the wife home, and paid the bill on the Monday. And that was that. Or so I thought.

Now here’s the thing:

According to the Zodiac Signs of the Horrorscope, Sagittarians are born between 23 November and 21 December. Capricorns are born between 22 December and 20 January.

Now here’s a question to ponder during the Hours of Duckness:

What if some poor boy, who by natural selection – destined to be a Capricorn – born on the 23rd of December – was prematurely yanked into life by cesarean section on the 20th of December – making him a Sagittarian?

At the moment of his birth, the Moon is behind Venus, instead behind Jupiter? And Pluto is running after Calypso, instead of Io?

Instead of becoming a great composer of classical music; a brilliant scientist; or a gifted neurosurgeon; the boy now becomes a corrupt politician serving in the ANC government?

Or instead of becoming a world-class Olympic champion marksman with his rifle – he ends up shooting at bathroom doors in the middle of the night?

(Yes, Sakkie, I know. My son turned out just fine. It’s in the genes – the ones he begat from me. But I’m just saying.)

I sometimes have second thoughts about taking my son home from the Maternity Hospital. Maybe I should have left him there and let them pay for his education, clothes, school, toys, pocket money, and sports equipment. Let them stay up nights to help care for him when he is sick. Let them console him when life got too much for his young shoulders to bear.

But then I would have missed out on our camping and hiking trips, our fishing expeditions, our motorbike rides, going sailing, sharing his first beer, our tennis and chess games, our days and hours and hours of pure fun and the enjoyment of life – as only a father and a begatted son can have.

Naaah. The old sourpuss in the nurse’s uniform had no chance – I made the right decision back in 1977.

Happy birthday, Des. Love you, son.

*WTF – I know, I know

**cesarean section – Do you know why they tie off the umbilical cord of a newborn? I’ll tell you: Just like a balloon that hasn’t been tied off after it has been inflated, a baby with an untied umbilical cord, will just: “Phhhirrrrrrrrttt!” fly all over the place when you let go of it. So make damn sure that the umbilical cord is ALWAYS properly tied off.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
15 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Lion87
A Letter to Danny Jordaan

The administration are so incompetent it makes the ANC seem like the excellence of the Swiss!  Read more...

0 comments 0 views
Traveller from Kasi

Let’s just face it, travelling can be a bliss. Read more...

2 comments 51 views
Submitted by
Larry
International law is not a suicid...

Reason will apportion blame where it belongs. Only the children of Gaza are innocent and their blood is on Hamas’s hands.  Read more...

14 comments 250 views
Submitted by
Samantha Corbett
What does a book mean to you?

The right to literacy and the right to education should be fundamental pillars for every society. Books represent many things, but at their core, they’re a powerful medium for education and the growth and distribution of knowledge Read more...

1 comments 69 views
Submitted by
Reflect 014
Is this Middle Ages Plague stagin...

In addition to the ongoing spread and efforts to contain the Ebola virus there has been a re-emergence of a middle-ages bacterial disease known as Bubonic plague. Read more...

4 comments 176 views
Submitted by
MIcheal Rhodes
Dear South Africa, being black do...

I have read a plethora of comments on this site with one underlying message; black people in general are incompetent. Dear South Africa that could not be further from the truth.  Read more...

57 comments 1317 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Up to 60% off - clearance sale!

Save up to 60% on appliances, books, electronics, toys, movies and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Deal of the Week!

Get bestselling John Green novels now just R99 each! Hurry and get yours while stocks last. Shop here.

Mind blowing deals on beauty & fragrances

Save up to 30% off beauty and fragrances. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 50% off hair care products!

Save up to 50% on professional hair care products at kalahari.com. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

30% off academic books

Score a mind blowing 30% off academic books! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.