PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 28
Article views: 738
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Politics: Scary… and Ugly

03 May 2014, 21:00

In my 66 years on this planet, I’ve seen some pretty things. And I’ve seen some pretty scary things. And I’ve seen some pretty ugly things. But when it comes to combining ugly and scary, then nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can beat a certain photograph that I have seen.

Many years ago, I saw the movie: Child’s Play, with that horrible little doll, Chucky. For some reason this movie has made a lasting impression on me. The evil Chucky, with his beady little eyes and scarred, stitched-up face, scared the living beejaysus and begorrah out of me. (OK, Sakkie, I don’t know what either of the words ‘beejaysus,’ or ‘begorrah,’ means. But I’m just saying: I was scared sheetless.)

Once, on a hunting trip in Botswana with some friends, we spent most of the night sitting around the fire, sipping copious quantities of whiskey. I remember that it was bitterly cold, and that we were dressed like Eskimos – layer upon layer upon layer of clothing. One of my friends (let’s call him Lucas, because that’s his real name, after all) announced that he had an appointment with Number 2, and staggered walked elegantly off into the bush.

(Now, for those of you who have never spent the night around a campfire sipping whiskey – I’ll let you in on a little secret: Sipping large quantities of whiskey can increase the effect that gravity has on the sipper. It magnifies and amplifies the force of gravity, so to speak. Newton’s Law of Gravitational Force on Sippers, explains this phenomenon very clearly: The gravitational force between two objects is proportional to the mass of each, and inversely proportional to the amount of whiskey consumed by the Sipper. Thus F = Gm1m2/S²)

After about five minutes, Lucas started moaning, cursing, and bitching – generally making unhappy sounds in the darkness behind the bushes. He came struggling through the undergrowth back into the firelight, trying to get dressed, while composing interesting combinations of swearwords, and inventing new strings of profanities.

It was UGLY.

It turned out that the increase in gravity had a disastrous effect on Lucas. He was plucked down from a squatting position, by Newton’s F = Gm1m2/S², right on top of a newly hatched Number 2. Number 2 was seriously injured…

We had virtually no water; Lucas had no spare clothes; the nearest town was hundreds of kilometers away; and the night was bitterly cold.

As I’ve said: It was UGLY.

On my very first parachute jump (static line), immediately after exiting from the little Cessna, I got a ‘klap’ from the tail wing to the back of my head. I instantly lost 5 kg. All of it brown. I was in semi-comatose daze for quite a few seconds. After I had landed, I couldn’t remember how I got down to earth. And that THAT was scary!

I once walked into the public toilets at Church Square, in Pretoria. I would have liked to go into the details and tell you exactly what I saw, but, this being a public forum; decorum prevents me from doing so. Suffice to say: it was UGLY. Extremely so.

I remember listening to a speech by the late Eugene Terreblanche – he of the falling-off-the-horse-with-holes-in-the-green-underpants fame, and it was truly SCARY. ET had the gift of the WORD. He could drive his supporters into a feeding frenzy with hate speech and false patriotism. He made me understand how Hitler came to power. SCARY, indeed.

OK. Enough examples, let’s get down to brass tacks: Ugly and Scary combined.

The Sowetan carried a story with the headline:

Jobs, everything grows with the DA. We’ve all become used to these empty promises made by our politicians. Nothing new there.

But then, the UGLY and the SCARY hit the fan! Together!! Scarier than Chucky; uglier than Lucas’ misadventure in the bush:

Accompanying the Sowetan’s story was a photo of Madam Helen of Botox – dancing in tackies, and dressed in a skirt made out of the National Flag. Although I have seen the photo before, it had lost none of its sheer ugliness and scariness. This was much scarier than the pictures of her kissing The One with the Saddle-blanketed Head.

According to the Sowetan’s article, Madam Botox had also said: “Every blue person must come out and vote. Keep to the blue, because blue stays true.”

(No, Sakkie. She wasn’t asking the Smurfs to vote for her, she was using typical political mumbo-jumbo – never call a spade a spade. Besides, the Smurfs will never vote for the DA: the DA is much too white.)

Malema once said that Zille dances like a monkey. Let me tell you: He insulted monkeys on a grand scale – monkeys do not make fools of themselves just to garner a few more ‘blue’ votes.

So here is my final decision:

I shall not vote for the DA – not while Zille is in charge of the party anyway. I have no respect for a politician who behaves like a monkey trying to do the Can-can – especially without accompaniment of the music from Jacques Offenbach’s Infernal Galop.

Besides: Both Zuma and Malema can dance a much better *Bobbejaan-vastrap than Zille could ever hope to do.

As I’ve said many times before: “I am a man with strong moral principles. But if you don’t like them – I have some others as well.”

So… I shall I not be voting for the DA. (Unless they give me a free T-shirt and KFC. And a real job. And a free house. And free electricity. And a free dignified toilet. And free tackies. And…)

*Bobbejaan-vastrap – a tribal dance, usually performed on stage by the corrupt ANC and EFF leaders, to the traditional songs: Awuleth’ Mshini Wami, and Kill the Farmer, kill the Boer

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
28 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Martine Blackler
Things to like

I hear people complaining all day about pot holes in the road, corruption, the legal system, the police.... Read more...

4 comments 202 views
Submitted by
FrancoisFMarais
Hunting of tame animals

Animals that were previously feeding out of the hands of visitors of Marloth park will soon make their way as furniture and decor in the houses of people that "love" Africa themed decorations. Read more...

8 comments 270 views
Submitted by
Atheitis
Where are the whales?

Does anyone have an explanation or am I one-eyed and wrong? Read more...

33 comments 500 views
Submitted by
Nhlanhla Nyembe
Pistorius sentencing

The five-year sentence received by Pistorius just goes to show that there is different justice for different people.  Read more...

4 comments 634 views
Submitted by
Saskia Ferreira
Oscar's Punishment does not fit t...

When putting a murderer on trial one needs to disregard his social status. This in my eyes is something they didn't do. They should have treated him as "Oscar, the guy who killed Reeva".  Read more...

14 comments 597 views
Submitted by
Renee Viljoen
Oscar Sentence.. unfair !!

I do not believe that he did not know Reeva was behind the door... justice was not served!! Read more...

6 comments 264 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Save up to R1000 on Hisense smartphones!

View the large range of Hisense smartphones. Buy today and save up to R1000!

Deal of the week!

Save R1200 on the Samsung 48” smart full HD LED television now only R8799. Buy now!

Toys 4 for the price of 3

Buy 4 toys and get the cheapest FREE! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing prices – As seen on TV

Get mind blowing prices on 1000’s of products! Shop now.

Save 20% on Nivea beauty products!

Buy any two Nivea beauty products and save 20%. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.