Government official: Ladies and gentlemen I have dire news; the recent Census figures may lead to global warming. Census has revealed that the number of oestrogen entities has increased drastically year after year, out numbering the male population by a significant margin.
Members of Parliament: Census? Global warming? How do the two intertwine?
Government official: At first I was baffled too, but when this Census black guy in a yellow suit explained the ramifications of the figures to me, it all made sense...It gave me a new outlook on our future, if global warming continues, the beautiful image of this planet will be ugly...it’s like...it’s like looking into the face of Whoopi Goldberg for eternity. Census black guy in a yellow suit, tell them what you told me.
Census black guy in a yellow suit: As the government official stated the female population has more than doubled. What does this mean? ...well that there are more women than men...and what does that mean? ...well that there is less men than women...and what does this mean? ...well that the female population is growing...and what does this mean? ...well that the male population is smaller than that of the females...and what does that mean? ...well that there are more women than men.
Members of Parliament: And what does that mean?
Census black guy in a yellow suit: Well it means what it is supposed to mean, if you know what I mean.
Members of Parliament: Government official can you tell us what the census figures entail for the future of this planet, because we going in circles with this Census butthole in a yellow suit...is he perhaps related to Big Bird?
Government official: Well basically that the women population has increased, this means that there are less men for a number of women.
Members of Parliament: But what link does this have with global warming?
Government official: Look...Mother Nature is female right...Well! she hasn’t been laid in centuries, since there are less males than females. Her loneliness has led to global warming... Mother Nature is in HEAT!!! And in dire need of a man.
Members of Parliament: So! Then let’s get her a man.
Government official: I’m afraid you failing to understand the gist of the matter. Mother Nature is no ordinary woman; she’s a giant and cannot be satisfied by an ordinary man.
Members of Parliament: We can like build a time machine; go back into biblical times and bring back Goliath to the future to satisfy Mother Nature.
Government official: No! That won’t work, will be changing history too and by the time Goliath enters our realm his d!ck will be fossilized.
Members of Parliament: Fossilized? ... But that’s a good thing right? That way he will be rocked hard and ready for Mother Nature... If not Goliath, who then?
Government official: We need someone who is the biggest d!ck in SA...
Members of Parliament: Hmmm, but who is the Biggest d!ck In SA? Let’s consult the mirror on the wall...Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the biggest d!ck of them all?
Mirror on the wall: Well you all a bunch of d!cks, but there’s someone who is even a bigger d!ck than all of you combined.
Members of Parliament: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who can that possibly be?
Mirror on the wall: JZ, he is the biggest d!ck of them all.
Members of Parliament: So JZ is the key to curbing global warming?
Mirror on the wall: Yes! But there’s one problem, Mother Nature will never have sex before marriage.
Members of Parliament: It’s not really much of a problem, JZ has several wives already, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind another one. Plus we made provision for polygamy in our constitution.
Mirror on the wall: But Mother Nature is huge...where will JZ keep her?
Members of Parliament: His Nkandla home is big enough to accommodate Mother Nature. After the two are happily married and get down to business at their honey moon, Mother Nature will no longer be in heat, and hopefully global warming will start to subside.
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