PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
R.Phiri
 
Comments: 4
Article views: 0
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all R.Phiri's badges.
 

Polygamist ends global warming

28 November 2012, 12:43

Government official: Ladies and gentlemen I have dire news; the recent Census figures may lead to global warming. Census has revealed that the number of oestrogen entities has increased drastically year after year, out numbering the male population by a significant margin.

Members of Parliament: Census? Global warming? How do the two intertwine?

Government official: At first I was baffled too, but when this Census black guy in a yellow suit explained the ramifications of the figures to me, it all made sense...It gave me a new outlook on our future, if global warming continues, the beautiful image of this planet will be ugly...it’s like...it’s like looking into the face of Whoopi Goldberg for eternity. Census black guy in a yellow suit, tell them what you told me.

Census black guy in a yellow suit: As the government official stated the female population has more than doubled. What does this mean? ...well that there are more women than men...and what does that mean? ...well that there is less men than women...and what does this mean? ...well that the female population is growing...and what does this mean? ...well that the male population is smaller than that of the females...and what does that mean? ...well that there are more women than men.

Members of Parliament: And what does that mean?

Census black guy in a yellow suit: Well it means what it is supposed to mean, if you know what I mean.

Members of Parliament: Government official can you tell us what the census figures entail for the future of this planet, because we going in circles with this Census butthole in a yellow suit...is he perhaps related to Big Bird?

Government official: Well basically that the women population has increased, this means that there are less men for a number of women.

Members of Parliament: But what link does this have with global warming?

Government official: Look...Mother Nature is female right...Well! she hasn’t been laid in centuries, since there are less males than females. Her loneliness has led to global warming... Mother Nature is in HEAT!!! And in dire need of a man.

Members of Parliament: So! Then let’s get her a man.

Government official: I’m afraid you failing to understand the gist of the matter. Mother Nature is no ordinary woman; she’s a giant and cannot be satisfied by an ordinary man.

Members of Parliament: We can like build a time machine; go back into biblical times and bring back Goliath to the future to satisfy Mother Nature.

Government official: No! That won’t work, will be changing history too and by the time Goliath enters our realm his d!ck will be fossilized.

Members of Parliament: Fossilized? ... But that’s a good thing right?  That way he will be rocked hard and ready for Mother Nature... If not Goliath, who then?

Government official: We need someone who is the biggest d!ck in SA...

 Members of Parliament: Hmmm, but who is the Biggest d!ck In SA? Let’s consult the mirror on the wall...Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the biggest d!ck of them all?

Mirror on the wall: Well you all a bunch of d!cks, but there’s someone who is even a bigger d!ck than all of you combined.

Members of Parliament: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who can that possibly be?

Mirror on the wall: JZ, he is the biggest d!ck of them all.

Members of Parliament: So JZ is the key to curbing global warming?

Mirror on the wall: Yes! But there’s one problem, Mother Nature will never have sex before marriage.

Members of Parliament: It’s not really much of a problem, JZ has several wives already, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind another one. Plus we made provision for polygamy in our constitution.

Mirror on the wall: But Mother Nature is huge...where will JZ keep her?

Members of Parliament: His Nkandla home is big enough to accommodate Mother Nature. After the two are happily married and get down to business at their honey moon, Mother Nature will no longer be in heat, and hopefully global warming will start to subside.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
4 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Nishta Sookdiyal
How can African youth can better ...

Africa has one of the youngest populations in the world and with being young comes much vulnerability. Read more...

2 comments 95 views
Submitted by
ohomen171
A disaster with Comcast/Xfinity

On Tuesday afternoon our Xfinity HD channels crashed. When we tuned to the HD channels a message came on the screen telling us that they were free with a subscription.  Read more...

2 comments 44 views
Submitted by
Thulane Che Trosky
The decorum and dignity of the Na...

It is with the greatest of sadness that we see that the National Assembly has become the laughing stock of the nation and the world. Read more...

1 comments 80 views
Submitted by
Neil Van Der Linde
The Ranting Ravens - Experiencing...

Reaching religious importance, football reaches ceremonial significance to most Americans.  Read more...

0 comments 20 views
Submitted by
Shira Yariv
'The Scatterlings of Africa'

To be African, truly African, born and bred in a continent that pulses with an energy so raw it's almost palpable is an experience in and of itself.  Read more...

3 comments 673 views
Submitted by
Ryan_Ruffgrain
Everton Vs Chelsea, Spurs Vs Live...

Everton host Chelsea on Saturday in the first of two high-profile matches this weekend, the second being Liverpool’s trip to London this Sunday to take on league leaders Tottenham Hotspur.  Read more...

0 comments 190 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Up to 40% off fashion accessories

Save up to 40% on selected handbags, purses, watches, jewellery and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Save up to R2000 on top electronics

Get every day mind bowing savings on top electronics. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

As seen on TV - New book releases at only R199 each

Get mind blowing book savings on new titles. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Save up to 50% on Women’s month treats!

Celebrate the awesome women in your life with awesome treats like beauty products, fashion accessories, bestselling books, electronics and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 60% off - clearance sale!

Save up to 60% on appliances, books, electronics, toys, movies and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.