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Proteas: Not Value for Money

03 February 2013, 19:05

I'm not at all sure if anyone else has been quietly sitting at home watching the Proteas over the last couple of months but I have.

Whilst doing so I have come to the obvious conclusion that they are firstly not value for money and secondly that the whole debate about adding a bit more color to the team may after all have some credibility.

What I would firstly like to point out is the Proteas clear lack of understanding of a “GIG”. Imagine that you rock up to any concert expecting to see a solid two hours of entertainment only to be told it’s all over after an hour and a half.

Are you not mortified? Imagine if they sold tickets for half hour slots and you decided to see the final, most explosive half hour of the whole performance only to be told that the band was so bloody fantastic they had done the business quicker than expected and have now gone home.

Well, the Proteas are the quick rock band and need to be called out for it. Do they not realize what damage they are doing to the economy in terms of lost ticket revenue, beer sales, food, advertising, casual labour and also the obvious inconvenience they are causing old farts like me who tend to plan ahead. I mean the way it’s going what am I supposed to do on Tuesday?

I can already hear the “Yes but we are simply so good what do the other teams expect” comments coming out. Forget about all that nonsense because I have a plan. It’s not a particularly cunning plan but given the current IQ levels that exist at senior SA Cricket level it may just work.

Firstly what we have to do is get SA Cricket to convince the ICC to change the rules, nothing radical just a clear understanding that the playing squad will consist of 30 players any of which can play at any time during the match. SA Cricket can use any number of excuses to justify this as borrowed from the “ANC Handbook of Plausible, Semi Ridiculous and Damn Right Stupid Book of Excuses” as issued to all deployed members (Sorry went off on a tangent there).

Secondly all we do is now monitor how the game is going. Day 1 best team and a reasonable score, Day 2 potential batting collapse by the opposition (Time to keep the selectors happy) change of team to give someone else a shot. Day 3 back to the best team and get rid of batsmen the previous team have left behind. Bat again with best team to get formidable lead. Day 4 Change team to give someone else a shot or another shot from Day 2. Monitor progress to ensure game will go to Day 5. At appropriate time go back to best team. Day 5 Win game.

Now, how simple is that? Everyone is happy. I saw five days of cricket, the fans were able to attend the venue for five days, beer and food got sold and advertising got the full period. Also we got all of those ignored players onto the field to represent their country (Bloody clever if you ask me).

If you are not convinced then the idea also lends itself to let’s say a modicum of match fixing that on the positive side may be good for the more adventurous South African start up business.

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