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The Last Contrarian
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Ran like lightning, crashed like thunder!

25 February 2013, 11:00

South African sports celebrities (I will never call them legends or heroes; some of us still know what those titles actually mean) share a commonality between them: when they fall from grace, they fall like Lucifer!

South Africa is again treated to another embarrassing spectacle as yet another national icon plummets from the sky with the same devastating fallout as the coinciding meteorite explosion over Russia.

Unlike the rest of South Africa, I'm not going to dedicate my time to disseminating my speculation about the guilt or innocence of a person whom I don't know personally, concerning an event I did not bear the slightest witness to. I know perfectly well how perverted and despicable the media has become, so nobody but a moron would take their reporting as verbatim. Instead, I want to name and shame the people who are really to blame for society's fallen 'heroes:' society itself!

Music and sports celebrities are amongst the dumbest  people who manage to attain fame and fortune. Sports and musical talent are inadequate replacement for a well-rounded character, a sufficient education, and a relentless work ethic; yet like weeds, these 'legends' and 'heroes' are conjured into existence by a bunch of people who will likely never experience real achievement and success for themselves.

In Singapore, when someone like Oscar is revered and worshipped in the media, the general person on the street will first will ask, "What has this particular person actually done for his community or society?" I would not expect the generic South African to appreciate the wisdom behind this simple question-- which even I once misinterpreted as an utterance squeezed from a case of sour-grapes--but that is the yardstick by which true heroes are measured.

Many older people here say that the problem nowadays is that people are making money instead of earning it; people are called 'heroes' or 'legends' without actually being heroic or legendary. Oscar's performance on the track is no more or less inspiring to me than the handless immigrant who paints chalk portraits at the Pretoria show each year to earn a meagre living. Yet the poor Mozambican will never be noticed despite uering his own physical challenges comparably well to the meteoric Oscar. Becoming a celebrity is not what defines a true hero, and Oscar has done nothing to measurably benefit anyone but the Oscar Pistorius brand and it's beneficiaries.

You, the common people, actually look at people like Oscar (and a myriad of other famous people) as if they are out there representing you to the world. You fawn over and adore Charlize Theron when she makes another red-carpet appearance in Hollywood, because you falsely think you can usurp some of the rays of glory that fall upon her. Grow the fuck up! These celebrities don't give a damn about you and your unfulfilled dreams of fame and fortune. Nothing they do is for you and your prosaic office-worker fantasies of one day rising above your mundane existence and in to your own celebrity. Perhaps the day you realise this, just perhaps, South Africa (and the world) may no longer see the fall of 'heroes' and 'legends,' because these terms will not be used so flippantly!

But Contrarian, have you never had heroes or people you looked up to? Yes I did, and thank Newton, today I can see them for the bumbling idiots that they actually are. If it were not for their talents (and, in many cases, a truckload of luck), these people would be but another bunch of reprobates plaguing some unfortunate neighbourhood!

Eric Clapton, the quintessential British blues guitarist, once an illustriously stylish and iconic hero of mine, now strikes me as a half-literate idiot who best restrict himself to talking about his slowing hand, as he is unfit to be consulted on any other topic! The man speaks with the same grace and authority as pale donkey pulls a decorated coach. What part of me but the stupid teenager would find anything to look up to in a person as plain and mundane as Eric Clapton?

Einstein, the world's most loved, misquoted, and misunderstood scientist was really nothing but a short-sighted egomaniac who demonstrated that he did not even understand his own work as well as others did. On more than one embarrassing occasion, other scientists had to enlighten him to the logical conclusion of his own theories, to which Einstein would respond with the same grace and reason as a News24 troll in heat. I won't expect the typical Discovery-Channel-obsessed couch expert to comprehend what I am saying here; you actually need to know something about science--as opposed to memorizing a 60-minute biographical documentary on Einstein--to understand why Einstein was as stupid as he was smart.

Lady GaGa is so messed up so she can appeal to the market she was cultivated to sell to: young, confused, and rebellious teenage girls! If you really think that Lady GaGa has something in common with your own life, then you have a serious case of stereotypicality, and you are evidently experiencing the trials and tribulations of your fist few puppy love affairs! Shame on you if you are not a teenager and still identify with some troubled celebrity, such as Britney Spears or Lindsey Lohan! Celebrities often suffer the same struggles and challenges as the morons their handlers aim to dupe in to buying the pop star's CD's, DVD's, etc! But, hey, most of you won't know that, because sheep aren't supposed to understand the herding process; how else would you lead them, willingly, to their own slaughter?

What you see as a radiant entities who overcame adversity, in many cases, is nothing more than a fabricated visage concocted by the same people who hope to get you to order KFC for dinner by showing you an ad where an ugly, unsuccessful, and uncouth couch potato (not much dissimilar from thyself, I suppose) stands in line at KFC and meets the woman of his dreams because they each noticed the other buying a Zinger meal (their favourite, how fucking original)! They must have been made for each other if they share such peculiar similarities!

Worse still are the sort of people who make it a priority to keep up with the thrills and spills of the Kardashians or the Osbourne's. How fucking boring is your own life that you have to look at how a disturbed bunch of celebrities live? If you feel somewhat insulted at me calling you out, allow that feeling to develop fully into feeling like the dumbass you are, because then, my friends, you are on the road to recovery. This hypnotic marketing spell can be broken! You simply have to see yourself as the marketers do...

I don't know any real heroes, and I don't look up to any people who are revered by the masses. How against the grain of me, but that is why I don't feel a need to add my speculation, support, or reproach to the Oscar Pistorius drama. How refreshing it is to read an article (even if it had to be my own) that is not about how personally impacted the author feels by the fall of a giant on whose shoulders they imagined themselves to be perched.

Please, South Africa, for once, try to restrain your gossiping nature and finger-pointing tendencies and act like a bunch of sensible adults! The last thing we need is another public sponsored crucifixion (a la Hansie Kronje style) and then the shallow guilt-induced introspection of a nation in mourning when the grains of time afforded to the crucified finally run out. Rather try to be the hero (even if nobody notices you for it) that you so desperately look for in people who appear frequently on television!

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