Recently, I was chatting with a friend who has two small kids. She knows that I am not having kids of my own, and finds it bizarre that a woman would not want to procreate. There are numerous reasons why women and men choose not to have kids. All seem selfish to an outsider, but I am not judging you for having kids, so I would appreciate it if you looked at my reasons and do not judge me.The first big one is the cost involved. So many people tell me that "You make it happen, if it means eating bread and drinking water." While that is a great sentiment, kids are a huge financial expense. Between school, clothes, medical bills and not to mention the toys and gadgets they want, it rakes up to a hefty chunk of change. In our household, I am the one who will be earning most of the money. My partner, while he is a great, hard working man, will not be a big earner. He is a tradesman, which I appreciate every day, as he can up and find a job anywhere, but you need papers to own your own business, and that is where the real money is. His brother, also a tradesman, with papers, still earns a very small salary. They barely break even in their home. If I want my child to have the world at his/her feet, I would need to keep my job going. Which leads me to my next reason...I would not like to be a working mom. I know that the majority of mothers do this, and I applaud all of you! However, I don't think I would be able to cope with the stress of having a full time job, and having to come home to a home that needs cleaning, along with a child who wants attention. I struggle as it is, and I don't have any kids! I look at some of my nephews, who go to aftercare. At age 4, they were only getting home at 5:30 from school. While I understand it is a necessity, I can't think of anything worse for a kid. I remember going out and playing in the garden until it was dark. My mother gave up teaching to stay at home with my brother and I until we went to school, and I thank her every day for giving us that opportunity. There was nothing better than coming home, having a bite to eat, getting the homework out of the way and enjoying my garden and my friends up the road. I would want the same thing for my children, and I wouldn't be able to provide that for them as a working mother. Yes, I could sit it out for 10 years at home, living off my partner's salary, but it would be a miserable life for everyone, and I wouldn't have a career to go back to. I could ask family for help, but...My parents live an hour and a half from us. They have also (repeatedly) told my brother and I that, when we have kids, they are not a babysitting service, nor a taxi driver. My mom has said that she has had her turn looking after us two, she doesn't need to go for a round 2. My in-laws are a whole other ball game. My mother-in-law is not very attentive to what is going on around her, being far more interested in TV and her soapies that the world she lives in. It resulted in two of her kids becoming vegetables after being oxygen deprived after seizures, and one of her grandkids landing in hospital with a pellet gun bullet lodged in his ear. I don't even trust the woman to look after my dog for half an hour, let alone another human being. My friends who already have kids have great support from their families, be it their mother, mother-in-law, or siblings. We don't have that support, and I don't really want to be one to 'go it alone'. Every now and again, you need a break from the kids, I can see how my brother- and sister-in-law struggle because they don't get that much needed alone time from their kids.
Those are just some of my reasons for not wanting to have children. I feel that I would not raise my child the way I was raised, and I want that kind of up-bringing for my child. For those who do have kids and survive these challenges every day - I salute you. I know I would not cope in the same situation.
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