Dear Honourable ministers and dedicated members of the liberation movement, I sincerely hope you manage to set your eyes on this open letter as it concerns a very emotive subject that affects us all in this beautiful country. It is regarding Bafana Bafana aka Bana ba tshwenya, Bafana Baswaka, Bafunny Bafunny, Waai-bao-gape.
Let me first acknowledge the great work you have both been doing in your respective portfolios and being faithful cadres of the ANC and products of the ANCYL. Special thanks to the minister of sport for making our dreams come true and on behalf of all men who watched the celebrity netball match where we got to see the likes of Pearl Thusi, Zizo Beda & lo sisi u Lalla Hiroshima sweating it out and driving our imaginations to places we dare not admit to our girlfriends and wives. Thank you. But alas I digress.
The matter at hand here is Bafana, the source of all our discontent. All though we take great pleasure in making fun of them, we are indeed running out of jokes, even the honourable president of our republic mentioned in parliament we do not have the budget to keep hosting events in order for them to qualify for major tournaments. It was funny because we thought this was a temporary setback, which I believe now has become a state of emergency. It is extremely embarrassing at work when Frikie and Piet talk at the top of their voice about their beloved Springboks then look towards us with great smiles on their faces and ask us how Bafana played in the world cup this weekend. It has become tiring to support other teams in major events.
The reason I call on your immediate attention to this matter is because the both of you hold the keys to rectify this serious and urgent matter. I will explain it by first giving you historical perspective of how many countries have made this solution work for them. As we speak now, France is busy handing out beatings in bulk on the backs of African’s strength. Patrice Evra, Bacary Sagna, Mamadou Sakho, Blaise Matuidi, Moussa Sissoko, Eliaquim Mangala, Rio Mavuba, Paul Pogba and Karim Benzema are all Africans. My beloved ministers I am sure you see where I am going with this. As a matter of fact we should send our prodigal son Juju to go to the FIFA head quarters and claim back the 1998 world cup because it was stolen by Europeans from Africans. But that is a story for another open letter. Germany hold 7 foreign players and have been like that for the past 3 world cups, the Swiss also have 7 players of foreign descent. The USA have 11, and Belgium 6.
The English cricket team reached great success by importing South African cricket players to play for them.
Now, I know you may be asking how we can make this work for Bafana? I will meet you halfway and make suggestions that I think will assist us. It is not just about going to Yeoville and down town Hilbrow and taking anyone with a dark pigment and huge calves, no it is more complex than that.
First we need to get in touch with Bobby Motaung. That man is as lethat as the bounty hunter in Django when it comes to finding African talent, case in point Knowledge Musona and that other player they got for free along with Musona. This man has what we need and has a talent for finding cheap imports. 2nd of all we need to bring back the Vodacom challenge in its former format as the kudu horn, it use to be our biggest source of imported African talent. This is where the minister Gigaba comes in with his rubber stamp. With the help of Jomo Sono this can be great. This need not end to the African borders, we can have a program to lure players of soccer crazy nations like offering Portuguese families tax incentive s to open cafés in the country, we might have a little Ronaldo in no time. Unfortunately I do not know what attracts Argentinians, so for now we can not consider a little Messi. But that should not deter us fellow comrades, this is not a final policy draft and is subject to further editing. We also need One white Afrikaaner boy, a true cow. Straight out of the knife drawer, a minora blade. In the mould of Mark Fish,Neil Tovey and Matthew Booth. You can see where I am going with this. It will be like Andrew Rabutla but with the heart of Bakkies Botha. We will have a true wall of meat at the back.
I foresee a great future for us should we take this path and the possibilities are endless. We have to admit that a foreign coach is not the answer, but indeed a whole foreign team. As a people we will not have a problem with supporting foreigners as we already support foreign teams in major events. Most of us are Kaizer Chiefs fans and Naturena is looking more and more like a refugee camp every season, the same goes for Kloorkop. An added bonus will be the positive effect it will have on the current situation we face in the country regarding foreigners, we shall forever be indebted to them for just getting us to the Africa cup of nations that we shall no longer look at them with disdain. We shall now live in a country that the honorable Thabo Mbeki would be proud of. We will shall get rid of the vexing nickname that has been blamed for their dismal performance and instead of Bafana Bafana (Boys-Boys), we can now get an appropriate name like the African Renaissance Boys/Stars/Lions etc. This is a great opportunity for nation building, and working together we can truly do more to ensure that Bafana have a good story to tell.
Dear ministers, I really hope you look into this matter as it is of utmost importance, as a nation we can no longer go to the office and face Frikie and Piet.
Yours sincerely, proudly South African/Nigerian/Bafan-BaGhana/Algerian/Cameroonian/Nigerian.