PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 55
Article views: 4992
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

This article has been selected as an Editor’s Choice report. Articles are selected based on quality of writing, audience response, newsworthiness and originality, and is at the discretion of the MyNews24 editors.

Retief and Dingane - the Truth

05 January 2012, 08:13

Most South Africans are mature enough to be told the unadulterated truth regarding the history of our country. For too long, the colonial historians have distorted the chronicles. The following story comes from the previous government’s secret archives.

 

Our story begins in February of 1837. Pieter Mauritz Retief, a Boer, (pronounced “Boor,” not to be confused with “Boor,” which means “Fool”) published his manifesto in the Grahamstown Journal. In it, he complained to the English Government about the lack of service delivery, the thieving Xhosas, corruption, incompetence, taxis, taxes, nepotism, crime, and the laziness of the slaves. The usual things.

 

Next, Piet rounded up some of his drinking buddies and convinced them to join him on a trek into the hinterland. This group, now known as Voortrekkers or Trekkies,  rolled away in their ox wagons on a daring enterprise. Their mission? To explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no Fool has gone before!

 

Overcoming the potholes (though not as bad as it is nowadays); fighting the many plagues of Africa – mosquitoes, AIDS, corrupt politicians, and punctures; they trekked ever further into the uncharted interior – with only their Sannas (rifles) and Bibles, as protection.  

 

After many months of severe trials, and a couple of serious tribulations, they finally reached a vast mountain range. This particular range used to be called uMgundgundlovu, but the Zulu king, Dingane kaSenzangakhona (also called king Dingus, for short), decreed that pronouncing the name sounded too much like someone eating “stywe” pap, so they renamed it “Drakensberg.”

 

Piet met up with Dingane who showed him around the kingdom. The crafty Boer immediately fell in love with the beauty and potential of the land. They soon became close friends; with Piet calling king Dingane “old Dingus,” and Dingane calling the Governor of the United Laagers, “Pieta.” In those days the country was classless and free. Dingane wasn’t required to call him “Baas Piet,” that only came later; when the Boers started running the show.

 

Historians always neglect to mention that Piet tried to set Dingane up for the old “willing buyer, willing seller,” scam. In short – Piet was trying to steal Dingus’ land without compensation. (Note: This scam will again be attempted 157 years later, when an incompetent, corrupt government came into power. But that’s not important right now.)

 

One day Dingane sent a runner with a message in a forked stick (MFS) to Piet and his trekkers, inviting them to join him at the Royal Kraal for a braai. The Boers enthusiastically looked forward to the occasion – having run out of Klippies, Coke, and Eish, a long, long, time ago.

 

Comes the big night, they all parked their horses in the horse park outside the Royal Kraal. The horse park attendants (most of them from Zimbabwe) greeted them in Afrikaans in the overfriendly, subservient manner; which is their stock in trade.

 

At the entrance to the kraal they were met by a Nigerian bouncer who directed their attention to a sign, which read: “No guns, knives, knuckledusters, nail files, Bibles, wives, scissors, or condoms allowed on the premises. Showers are available to prevent contracting AIDS.” There was also another sign which read: “Declare all the drugs hidden in your dreadlocks, or pay the bribe. By Order of the KZN Metro Police.” These being reasonable requests, Piet and his thirsty men readily complied – leaving their Sannas, Bibles, and other weapons outside of the palace grounds.

 

Oh yes, almost forgot to mention; they also left their Magrietjies, Johannas, Magdalenas, and Gertruidas, behind. (Wives were not allowed, remember? You have to pay attention in class!)

 

King Dingus’ kraal was, in fact, a Zulu theme park – with quaint huts – built in the shape of the breasts of one king’s favourite concubines. The huts were constructed of wood, plastic bags, and sheets of stolen corrugated iron; very much like the modern human settlements we’ve all come to know. Festive fires lit up the night (the electricity was off due to power sharing) and Julius Sinatra’s hit song, “Doo bee doo bee doo, Dubul' ibhunu,” was being piped romantically through hollow ox horns mounted on acacia poles.

 

After drinking a couple of gallons of homebrewed Heineken, Piet and the boys (the white guys, that is) quickly got into the swing of things. They even joined the boys (the black guys, that is) in singing “Dubula! dubula! dubula nge s'bhamu,” – after it was explained to them that it meant: “Shoot! Shoot! Shoot the Boor.” Which they thought referred to “Boor,” as in “Fool.”

 

The Voortrekkers, having been on the wagon trail for months, must have felt their toes curl in their velskoens at the sight of the lovely, nubile ladies who were dancing topless around the fires; with only reeds for protection. And then, one supposes, the inevitable happened – one of the randy Boers tried to sample the forbidden fruit.

 

And this was when king Dingus decided enough was enough. He leapt to his feet shouting: “Bambani laba bathakathi!” Which in the vernacular means: “Kick their bloody white backsides!”

 

Unfortunately, some of the impis got carried away, and the rest as they say, is history.

 

Now you tell me, in all honesty, doesn’t this version of the so-called “massacre,” sound much more plausible than the one taught to you at school?

 

I thought so.

 

 

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
55 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Gerard Denzil Boyce
Being all we can be this Africa D...

Coming as soon as it does after yet another outbreak of xenophobic violence in SA and amidst reports of the horrors faced by desperate African migrants, few Africans are likely to be in celebratory mood this coming Africa Day. Read more...

5 comments 397 views
“Creating million jobs for SA You...

Unemployment among young South Africans rose significantly over the past six years and a lot of companies are busy retrenching employees. Read more...

14 comments 1153 views
Submitted by
Fired up
Leftist-Liberalism often the anti...

It’s difficult to fathom ivory-tower academic Wilmot James’s objections to the Democratic Alliance’s value charter with its emphasis on values in context of the family.  Read more...

5 comments 477 views
Submitted by
DesertGirl
Namibia must prepare for loadshed...

Namibians will have to prepare for the country's first ever possible load shedding, the boss of that national power utility, Paulinus Shilamba has announced.  Read more...

3 comments 1108 views
Submitted by
PeterTracey
Captain’s log: Windhoek

Fortuitously I found myself in Windhoek, Namibia for a few days this week. Read more...

7 comments 957 views
Submitted by
Anton Dekker
What a great compasionate nation ...

We are so caring, it brings a tear to my eye! Read more...

17 comments 610 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.