Every game has rules. What would the world be like if Cricketers could catch the ball after it bounced for a wicket (talking national sport not primary school here). Or imagine if the forward pass in rugby was standard procedure – I’m no rugby expert but I’m sure it’s there for a reason. Soccer wouldn’t be football is you could just grab the ball and go (which is why the Americans are so crazy). So what then, of the most famous game of all – politics?
My fellow players, as we gear up for an election year that promises to be nothing short of a spectacle, I would like to suggest a few rules to this game that might make it a tad more fair and entertaining for sane and rational folk, like yourselves. Hopefully, some of these rules could be implemented on this forum too. These rules apply generally to everybody, but are addressed to the player that most specifically need to take note of them.
1. The Democratic Alliance: Cape Town is not an answer, it’s the name of a city. Cape Town is not a province either, it’s a city. Badgering the umpire with useless information and claims will be considered misconduct and will result in your team not being listened to by the majority of voters. You have the distinct advantage of running a whole province – so you must come up with more.
2. African National Congress: Kindly assume that everybody you speak to is the result of a black-white marriage and is adopted by Coloureds who are sending him to an Indian School. This isn’t Chess.
3. COPE: No internal power struggles while everybody is trying to play.
4. Agang: No being the DA. This is not to say you cannot play similarly, but you must try and differentiate yourselves from them. This will mean you may not bash the ANC as much. We know the DA would simply explode if they couldn’t do so but it’s alright for them, they earned the right when they became the official opposition – get your own gimmick.
5. EFF: While we understand the nature of sport to be competitive and impassioned, please do not feel the need to shout at every person you see. This also means that you are limited to one exclamation mark per comment on the NEWS-24 forums.
6. Smaller Parties: Please understand that this game is a gamble and gambling is for adults only. Gamble responsibly and please call the National Gambling Toll Free Helpline if you get in over your head.
Right, I think that with a few of those rules politics can be a more controlled and ironically more fun game. Feel free to now put forward your political argument in the comments below or else suggest a few rules I may have missed out on.
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