South Africa, also known as
Fake Africa Suid Afrika, is a banana republic country located on the southern tip of Argentina (Facts supplied by Google America) but is actually “officially” located North west of Nkandla, Happy La-La Land.
South Africa is “a multicultural team of various religions, languages and faiths” and is attributed to the development of the Assassin’s Creed Franchise due to them constantly reminding us how wonderful and important diversity is and that, all though we’re all equal, everything is generally the white man’s fault.
Their currency is known
to deteriorate rapidly as the Rand and their capital city is Cape Town, Pretoria, Pietermaritzburg and possible others (Known as the longest name for a city in history). Or is it just that they have more capital cities per capita? I couldn’t be sure.
On the inside, the country is rotting to the core. Most people lack the funds to purchase the required bricks, limestone, and mortar to build their houses and to add insult to injury, most bricks, limestone and mortar the country stockpiles had were stolen during various smash and grabs anyway. On the upside however it is also home to many of history's greatest idiots, namely black supremacist Julius Malema, murderer turned serial cryer Oscar
Pistolius Pistorius, and Charlize "There-on" Theron (Who was born in Benoni but somehow has an American accent).
South Africa has perhaps the most boring in history in the world. We start with the Brits who owned the place up until 1910. Their biggest contribution to a civilised society was introducing the slave trade. However after growing bored of owning a 3rd of the world, Great Britain decided to depart leaving behind a group of rag-tag fascist pyromaniacs known as the Dutch who continued to destroy the country where the Brits left off.
These Dutch, also known as
Apartheid-ists The Voortekkers, had an absolutely abysmal understanding of human rights and an even poorer fashion sense. For these and other human rights violations (Such as bad comb-overs) they were ousted in 1994. It was after that the fun really starts because after escaping psychiatric custody in 1990, popular Floridian Cultist, Nelson Mandela assumed the throne. Then bore the days of Thabo Mbeki and after that South Africa was (and still is) subjected to the Zippity-Zap antics of Bing Cosby Jacob Zuma, whose greatest achievement in life was being able to find his way to work each morning even though his moral compass has long since abandoned him.
While other African countries suffer from endemic corruption, this is thankfully not the case in South Africa. The Mandela regime, in its all-seeing wisdom, has avoided the fate of other banana republics and simply legalized graft and corruption. It has even given both a respectable-sounding name: Black economic Empowerment or BEE. Supposedly implemented after apartheid to give all the poor black people a leg up, it predictably benefits just the obscenely rich.
To explain this exemplary form of business in detail; if you were, say Apple, and decided to open up a branch in South Africa, you would immediately be forced to hand over 99% of your business to a black partner all in return for his somewhat dubious whit, sexual prowess and brilliant yet unseen working hours. In addition, you have to pay him 20Trillion Dollars per annum even though you do all the real work whilst he doesn’t give a crap because he’s too busy picking out custom leather seats for his new white BMW.
If you are a racist spoilsport and decline to participate in BEE, South Africa will a) refuse to do business with you b) seize the company anyway and c) kill the existing shareholders. Hey, that's positive discrimination for you!
South Africa’s national anthem is perhaps the most self-centred in the world, the first few lines are “South Africa, greatest country in the world, all other countries are run by little girls, boasts cleanest prostitutes in region, all other countries have inferior prostitutes” and was hugely criticised because of its shear disregard for copy right infringement after these lines were found out to be stolen, word for word, from none other than the national anthem of Kazakhstan.
Government officials appear in court on a regular basis, for a variety of civil offences, mainly for staggering incompetence, followed by various misdemeanours such as mass rape, hate speech, and tax evasion. Of course, this does nothing to prevent the blind masses from voting them back into power again and again...in exchange for a stapled condom and a Happy Meal, of course.
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