PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 15
Article views: 656
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Save the country

17 February 2014, 07:03

Have you ever noticed that the physical size of the animals that we are supposed to “save,” is getting smaller and smaller by the year?

It started off BIG, with: “Save the Whale.” But since then, we have been scaling down in the size, virtually every year. (By the way, a whale is not a fish, it is a whale – which means that it is a big fish. And, contrary to popular belief, whales do NOT swallow Bibles – no matter what that seasick old sailor, Jonah, tells you.)

Remember the bumper stickers: “Save the Whale, Harpoon a fat Chick?” And all the Whale Songs? A whale “song” sounds very much like someone farting inside an empty Klipdrif bottle.

And what about that randy old whale, Moby Dick? I loved the opening line to the story: “Call me Ishmael. I’m not pished! I alwaysh talk like thish. Hic!” And: “Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.” (By the way, old Moby was white. The corrupt ANC’s racist BEE policy did not exist in 1851, when the story was written.)

Next, we had to save the elephant – or rather, the elephant’s tusks. Elephant tusks seemed to offend the Bunny Huggers. Heaps of tusks were burned at the stake. Like witches. But the elephants were no longer attached to the tusks. Which I found rather strange…

Then we had to save the slightly smaller rhinoceroses and rhinoceri. We are force-fed the EXACT number of rhinos that are killed on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis. Sometimes the rhino killers are even caught! But if you should try to establish just how many farmers are getting killed on their farms, you will find that it is impossible to do so. No one is keeping score. And their killers are seldom, if ever, caught.

Next: Free Willy! Save the dolphin! The dolphin is depicted as a cute, cuddly, soft toy – with tiny little teeth to gently nibble on your earlobes. Do you really believe that the clicks and chirps and squeaks from these creatures are a form of communication? You do? Eish!

And those blowholes? Bloody gross! Blowing snot out of the tops of their heads! So long, and thanks for all the fish. Indeed!

There must have been hundreds of Free Willy movies: Free Willy 2, Free Willy 3, Free Willy 46664, Free Willy Unchained, The Long Walk to Willy, Willy’s Grandson Charged with Assault, Free Willy’s willy, Free T-shirts and KFC, A Better Willy for All, etc, etc.

The “Save me!” animals are still getting smaller and smaller!

How about this one: Save the Duttaphrynus microtympanum! This is a type of frog found in the Ghats of India. Or as they say in Nayderlunch: “Een kikker gevonden in de gatkant van India.” Why can’t the Guptas save their own frogs?

Here is my prediction: Soon we’ll have the Bunny Huggers and Green Peas telling us to save the common house fly, the mosquito, the head louse, and the head louse’s head lice.

I never know what to do when people come back from visiting the Kruger National Park or a game farm, and say: “We saw an elephant!” Or a pangolin, or a mandolin, or a gnu, or a gnome.

Should I say: “Hell, you’re brave!” Or lucky, or clever, or sagacious, or perspicacious, or wise?

Or should I say: “It’s a good thing we saved the elephant.”

I just don’t know.

Now here’s something for you to ponder, Sakkie. This is the preamble to the Constipation of South Africa:

“We, the pee pull of South Africa, recognise the injustices of our past, we are sorry about the demise of the Tyrannosaurus Rex, and the Dodo, and the Mojo, and the Quagga, and the Khoi-San and their Dagga. But most of all, we are sorry for the sorry state of our sorry nation. So help me Bob. *!ke e /xarra //ke.”

Could someone please, pretty please, “save” this godforsaken country of ours? Maybe our offspring will live to see the whale, or the elephant, or the rhino, or …

*!ke e /xarra //ke – from the ancient Khoi-Sanskrit language, meaning: exclamation mark kilo echo space echo space forward slash x-ray alpha romeo romeo alpha space forward slash forward slash kilo echo…

PS    Written, as always, with the tongue firmly in check

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
15 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Lutgen Landman
Kurtley Beale: A life of scandals

Lets take a look at the rap sheet for Kurtley Beale over the past few years. Read more...

5 comments 1140 views
Submitted by
Hennie Potgieter
Are we losing our ability to reas...

Why is it that we can get so hyped about things that do not directly concern us, or that we do not understand? Read more...

21 comments 440 views
Submitted by
Jef Front
Corruption in Southern Cape

Advocate Francois Human has exposed various incidents of corruption, bribery, intimidation, political plots and schemes that makes the Mafia look like amateurs. Read more...

4 comments 145 views
Submitted by
Johnny McIntyre
Sticking your head in the dagga

The war on drugs has been raging on for a few decades to no avail. Drug use, especially cannabis, is at an all time high and continuing to grow as increased enforcement efforts seem to have no effect.  Read more...

26 comments 1730 views
Submitted by
Legens Monspubis
Religion should remain in all sch...

Children should be exposed to all religions , both current and past. It should be taught to them on an even basis and particular emphasis should be placed on its history.  Read more...

143 comments 1110 views
Submitted by
Percy_Makholwa
Mazrui and the South African serv...

As much as Ali Mazrui saw in West Africa, the problem of western appetites without complementing and satiating western technologies, the same comparison could easily be made in urban SA. Read more...

3 comments 179 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Save up to R1000 on Hisense smartphones!

View the large range of Hisense smartphones. Buy today and save up to R1000!

Deal of the week!

Save R1200 on the Samsung 48” smart full HD LED television now only R8799. Buy now!

Toys 4 for the price of 3

Buy 4 toys and get the cheapest FREE! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing prices – As seen on TV

Get mind blowing prices on 1000’s of products! Shop now.

Save 20% on Nivea beauty products!

Buy any two Nivea beauty products and save 20%. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.