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Send me to Hell – Please

20 April 2012, 12:03

For the sake of this article I am going to briefly concede and agree with the Christians of this world.

Yes there is a God and He is the Creator of the universe and He sent His only son Jesus to save us from our sins. As it says in the bible the only way to Gods Kingdom is through Jesus and you must accept Jesus as your Saviour. As it says in the bible, if you choose not to accept Jesus as your Saviour you will spend eternity in the fires of Hell. I think I have got it correct, might have paraphrased a little but I believe I am correct with the Jesus/Hell scenario. In a nutshell, not a Christian – going to hell!

Well, let us look at hell for a moment and more specifically the occupants/residents of hell.  The following people according to Christian beliefs are currently residing in hell (in no particular order):

Mahatma Ghandi, Albert Einstein, Christopher Hitchens, Confucius, Mark Twain, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln (that’s what you get for abolishing slavery), Edgar Allen Poe, Thomas Hardy, Thomas Edison, Olive Schreiner, Sigmund Freud, H.G. Wells, Marie Curie, James Joyce, DH Lawrence, Erwin Schrodinger, Alfred Hitchcock, Ernest Hemingway, George Orwell, Douglas Adams, Howard Hughes, Katherine Hepburn, Gene Kelly, Burt Lancaster, Isaac Asimov, Gene Roddenberry, William M Gaines (MAD Magazine is not the same without you), Charles Shultz, Carl Sagan, Frank Zappa, Barry White, Marlon Brando, Bruce Lee, John Lennon, Charlie Chaplin, George Carlin, Richard Pryor and many many more.

Wouldn’t it be fantastic spending an eternity with these people, sure there will be loads of evil people to, but I would chose not to associate with them. The great thing is if you get bored with this crowd of people, look who will be joining you in the future (in no particular order):

Jody Foster, Lance Armstrong, Richard Dawkins, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Bacon, Hugh Hefner, Ricky Gervaise, Woody Allen, Billy Joel, Josh Kronfeld, Rafael Nadal, Jack Nicolson, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jamie Hyneman, Helen Mirren, Terry Pratchett, Hugh Laurie, Kiera Knightley, Billy Connolly, Richard Branson, James Cameron,  Hashim Amla, Warren Buffet, Adam Savage, Bill Gates, Ray Romano, Joan Rivers, William Shatner, Ben Stiller, Scarlett Johansson, Paula Abdul, Jerry Seinfeld, Neil Diamond, Michael Douglas, Dustin Hoffman, Roman Abramovich, Joel Stransky, Sachin Tendulkar, Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens), Aishwarya Rai, Julia Roberts, Madonna and many many more.

Now to me, spending eternity with the likes of these people would be heaven and to think no Christians to keep bugging you, it doesn’t get better than that.

To bastardize a line from Dante’s Inferno:

I would rather rule in Hell than serve in Heaven!

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