I have always been impressed by the prophecies of seers, soothsayers, oracles, sangomas, shamans, and psychics.
My personal, Number One, all-time favourite, is Nicolaas Pieter Johannes “Siener” Janse van Rensburg (PBUH). The oracle of Apollo at Delphi in ancient Greece; Michel de Nostredame (Nossie, to his friends); the Prophets in the Bible – the Egyptian priests of Ra at Memphis – all of them take a backseat to Siener and his visions of the future.
Siener was born on the farm Palmietfontein in the Tlokwe district (now called Potchefstroom). He was the son of Willem Johannes Lodewikus Gerhardus George Marthinus Albertus Senekal Hardus Stefanus Jacobus van Schalkwyk Janse van Rensburg – also known as Oom Org, for short. (Although Oom Org was quite tall.)
Siener only received 20 days of formal schooling – substantially more than the King of Nkandla. Like Showerhead, Siener spent much of his youth as a cattle herder. He loved goats. (Too much, some would say.) He was born mute and never spoke a word to his goats, or to anyone else, for that matter. Until fateful one day.
Siener had just finished loving his favourite goat, and he was chilling behind the kraal wall in the warm afterglow of a job well done. He had run out of cigarettes, so he decided to smoke some Palmietfontein grass (cannabis sativa palmietii) in his clay pipe.
On the third puff, the palmietii kicked in! Siener suddenly started speaking in strange tongues: “Petir, Sakkie! Ini adalah omong kosong yang kuat! Aku bisa melihat visi! Dan kawanan seluruh kambing telanjang!” (Bliksem, Sakkie! This is strong sheet! I can see visions! And a whole herd of naked goats!)
And the rest, as they say, is animal husbandry. In all, some 700 of Siener’s visions have been recorded, and all and all.
To this day, many of Siener’s visions, which he had meticulously written down in his notebook, have not been fully understood. This is mainly due to the fact that Siener was illiterate, and that no one has been able to decipher his squiggles. But that’s not important right now.
One night, years ago, after an evening on the town with some alcoholic
rogues friends, I found myself at Rand Easter Show. I passed a Gypsy fortune teller’s caravan, and, on the spur of the moment, I decided to go inside. (The Devil made me do it, Sakkie.)
Once inside, however, I thought of Siener; of his uncanny ability to predict the future. (Actually, at that moment, for some strange reason, I thought that I was Siener – reincarnated.) I sat down and started telling the Gypsy woman her fortune. For free. But not for long.
Let me tell you something: Gypsy women are strong. And they have no sense of humour. She lifted me off the chair – and faster you can say: “Oom Org,” she tossed me out of her caravan. I concussed my head against the top of the caravan’s doorframe, and skinned my hands, knees, and elbows, on the gravel outside. I decided not to press charges...
The skirmish with this obnoxious foreign female fortune teller put my prophetic career on hold. Until this morning – forty years down the line.
I live in Ward 41, consisting of the following Pretoria suburbs: Bellevue, Meyerspark, Murrayfield, Salieshoek, Silverton, and Val de Grace. Ward 41 is a DA ward.
Ward 41 looks no different from any of the ANC’s wards. In fact, some areas, especially in Silverton, look a lot worse than ANC wards.
Street lights are out; sidewalks never get repaired after the paving stones have been removed; grass on the sidewalks grow to waist height; potholes flourish; water leaks take months to repair, etc, etc.
So what got my goat this morning? I’ll tell you:
On my way to the shops, I noticed the election posters which the DA had cable-tied to the lamp poles – posters with Helen’s promise to the Mindless Masses (MMS’s) – the gullible fools that she is trying to BS into voting for the DA.
All the posters were in Afrikaans. No problem there – Siener also spoke Afrikaans to his goats. But…
“SAAM VIR WERK,” screamed the posters. And: “Ek sien uit na 6 miljoen nuwe werksgeleenthede.”
The DA has become so desperate to put black faces to their party that they will stop at nothing. The election posters show a good-looking, young black man, staring straight at the camera. No name, no contact details, no nothing. The sad truth is that he is not even in the running as a Ward candidate. Or as a tea boy. He is just a black face. Rent-a-black-poster, so to speak.
The DA councilor for Ward 41 is Ben Chapman. White as the driven snow.
So here I am, forty years later. And suddenly, Siener is baaaaack!!!
To the Democratic Alliance, I, Siener Janse van Rensburg, say this:
The use of a black face on your posters. I feel insulted by this cheap electioneering ploy. Please don’t take me for a fool – or as one of the MMS’s of this country. I have been bullshitted by people who were a great deal better at it than what you are, or ever will be: the National Party. I won’t be caught twice.
Maybe you’ll be able to deceive some of the black people into believing your promised “6 million jobs.” But you know, and I know, that this is nothing but bullshit! You’ll never even come close to keeping this empty promise. And the backlash, once the voters realize that they’ve been fooled, will be on your head.
If the DA cannot even maintain streetlights, sidewalks, water leaks, etc, in their own wards, how are they ever going to create and sustain 6 million jobs right across the country?
And lastly, Helen, just like your short-lived love affair with the Saddle-blanketed Rumpeelay, you are doomed to failure if you carry on using your rent-a-black-face strategy, to try and win the black vote.
There. I’ve said it.
Siener has left the building.
The DA has only five black African candidates in its top 27 list for the Western Cape. The party’s Gauteng list is equally devoid of black African candidates. Ref: Sunday Independent