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Irukandji
 
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Silk purses and sows’ ears

23 February 2014, 20:44

So. You think that if the DA wins in the coming elections, all our problems will be a thing of the past? You do? Sorry to be the one to peepee on your parade – this is just not going to happen. Not at all. Never. Ever. And I’ll tell you why.

But first, I have a confession to make.

Last week, I fell off the stepladder while cleaning out the gutters. (Stop laughing, Sakkie! Callous bugger…) I fell in slow-motion because of my age. On my way down, I saw my misspent life flash before my eyes – in 3D, with full Dolby True HD 7.1 Surround Sound. And I heard a voice, like that of *Charlton Heston, saying: “Repent and confess, you evil old fart! Or you’ll fry twice.”

Luckily, I crash-landed on the lawn, with nothing impaired but my dignity. But I decided to confess anyway. You never know with a guy like Heston…

So here goes. I confess that:

Years ago, while I was a serving member of the SADF – in the days when we still had an effective and credible Defence Force – I attended a formal military dinner at my unit. Quite a nice affair; if you like a bit of pomp and ceremony without any ladies present. (Jeez, Sakkie! Will you stop laughing! Bloody pig…)

By custom and tradition, formal mess dinners are considered to be a parade, and as such, attendance is compulsory. Everyone dresses up in mess dress (black service dress, white shirt, and black bow tie), with miniature medals and insignia of rank. Spoggerig, boetie!

Our Officer Commanding (OC), a Colonel, had brought his four-year-old son along for the evening (his wife was in hospital, if I remember correctly). The little guy was what is known in Afrikaans as: **moerse stout. He was running in and out of the mess, screaming and shouting, making gun sounds with his toy pistol, knocking over glasses, upsetting the whole “formal” atmosphere – and generally making a nuisance of himself. Our OC obviously couldn’t control him.

For some reason this naughty little moer took a liking to me. He had found a huge snail, in the gardens outside the mess, and came over to show me his “find.” I told him that snails make wonderful pets, and that, if he holds it quietly for a while, the snail will peek out from its shell, and smile at him.

Voila! Peace and quiet! For about five minutes…

I was just feeling the excellent port, which we had after dinner, starting to buzz in my ears, when the little bugger was back.

“He still hasn’t come out. I want him to come out now!” he shouted in a squeaky voice.

And that was when the devil forced me to say: “Tell you what, Jackie, my boy. Go fetch some salt from a table in the mess, and fill up his shell with it. Snails love salt. It will come out smiling and laughing at you.”

Three minutes later he was back – holding the dissolving, green, snot-dripping snail’s shell at arm’s length.

“He’s not smiling! He’s not smiling! Whaa! Whaaa! Whaaaaa! Daddyeee!”

I was already ten paces away, talking to one of my friends – acting like I knew nothing about Jackie, his snail, or the salt.

I felt GOOD!

There. I’ve confessed. Now let’s get on with my story.

I read an interesting article by a guy who calls himself AntonB. Malema is supposed to be a taxpayer. News24, 23 February 2014.

AntonB gives an estimate on how many houses and schools could have been built with the money owed by Malema in unpaid taxes. And the grants and pensions that could have been paid to the people. In all, he explains (rightly so) that Malema has stolen the money from the homeless and the poor.

And then I read these two comments to the article:

Mphumudzeni Bright Siphuma: “there is q dat u r one of them,,and being idiot as u r,u can say what u want,but jullius remain our prisident and we r de for him.

Phutjane Tladi: “Ur such pathetic 24 news Agent send by devil to separate white and black.24 news ur r satan

There is a saying in Nayderlunch: U kunt een zijden tasje niet maken uit het oor van een zeug.

In a English this means: You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

So what is my point? Simply this:

Mr Siphuma and Mr Tladi are typical examples of the vast majority of voters, public servants, and government officials, of this country. They are the people who are supposed to help run, plan, maintain, and care for the country and its future.

They are uneducated, unskilled, and unbelievably gullible. They have no idea of the complexities of running a country. They want everything for free. They demand, strike, and riot, at the drop of a hat.

Now here’s the thing: No matter who is voted into power at the next election – the Siphumas and the Tladis will still be with us. They will still demand, strike, and riot, at the drop of a hat.

The officials and public servants will still be corrupt and incompetent – be it ANC, DA, EFF, SACP, AgangSta, Cope, WTF+, or the Herstigte Nasionale Skelms.

There will be no silk purses.

But there will be plenty of sow’s ears.

And believe me. I know what happens when you pour salt into a sow’s ear...

*Charlton Heston – he was Moses before he became an actor

**moerse stout – mischievous

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