PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Jeeves
 
Comments: 20
Article views: 2698
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Jeeves's badges.
 

So… you fink you is a Saffer?

13 January 2013, 11:45

Hoezit.

Herewith 10 points by which to test your South African awesomeness.

Let’s do Jeevie’s checklist thingie and see how you fair:

Firstly, if you are Capetonian and don’t know about the interwebs and stuff, ‘Saffer’ is actually a shorty for ‘South African’.  Sounds like something an Auzzie would call us but I like it so I’ll keep it! (Thankyou verriemuch!)

1)      No real Saffer can actually pronounce the words ‘South Africa’ properly. It’s a dead giveaway.

As an ex Boksburger, I had to learn to pronounce ‘Souf Efrika’ as ‘South Africa’ but was severely hampered by the influences of the African ‘Sowth Ehhhfrikah’, Sandton’s ‘Sowth Ah-frikah’ and Brakpan’s ‘Soeforfrika’.

After hanging out with a few Capetonians, I finally managed to get it down to: ‘That place on the other side of our border bru’.

2)      A true Saffer considers salad to be ‘’the stuff my food eats’’.

Only gullible mamparras think that salad helps you lose weight, that’s lekker nonsense. I have seen many fat cows, but never a fat Lion! Don’t believe the Americans, since when do you take diet advice from a nation of chubbies? Just stop eating blerrie sugar. Flippit man, that stuff makes you so fat you get an auto green card.

3)      A true Saffer has only one tanned arm. Two tanned arms mean that you use the sunbed and are probably a stripper. If you don’t understand this point you need to go back to Europe or get a boer to mentor you. Usually you can’t see the single tanned arm on a black dude but blackies make up for it with point 4.

4)      Whiteys may never recline their seat past the window pillar of a car. Blackies are the only ones who know how to make that look cool.

Only blackies can do that because a perfect rhythmic head nod is required to pull off the ‘back window recline position’.  If a whitey tries to do the head nod on CCR, boeremusiek or trance music, you will crash your car. Charros must never attempt that position, that Bollywood stuff will put your car in a tree! (This is not about blerrie ‘natural rhythm’ it’s about the music you listen to).

5)      A true Saffer doesn’t have a problem with a label.

We are a blerrie smarty box man! Our ancestors worked hard to earn us those stereotypes! I come from Boksburg and live in Parys so yes, I have a mullet and drive a Ford. A Dutchie is a dutchie, a blackie is a blackie, a charro is a charro, a rooinek is a rooinek and only okes with bags of chips on their shoulders will get offended with those terms. South Africa is the box and it has smarties and coconuts everywhere. Build a bridge and get over it. Just don’t treat a oke like a piece of trash and he won’t bliksem you.

6)      A true Saffer knows that a bum is a muscle for running fast. If you sit on it too much, the muscle will get confused and think it is a couch. Saffers are not supposed to look like ‘mericans. We are a sexy, fit nation. Even our ‘big boned’ chicks are hot. You can easily spot a Saffer in a room filled with internationals. The Saffer is the one on the edge of the chair or standing while they type. Flippit we sexy!

7)      No true Saffer pronounces Rand as ‘Rand’, the correct pronunciation is ‘Ront’.  Don’t come with that lah dee-dah dee, hoity toity, high society posh pom nonsense. A Ront is a Ront and  a blerrie traffic light is a ‘Robot’.

8)      If you can’t Potjie you are not a Saffer. Sis man. Ek skaam my dood! Gas or fire or stove or whatever... Black, White, 50 shades of grey, whatever… Every smartie in the box knows how to Potjie!  It’s genetic. Saffers can Potjie from when their little hands are strong enough to cut an onion.

I once heard of a guy who had never made a Potjie, he was shunned by all around him and died a lonely death.  Sommer go Potjie now so that you can get some friends. Blikskorrel man, what’s wrong with you?

9)       If you don’t like a lekker poep joke in a movie you are not a Saffer. It’s ok to pretend to not like it for your ‘decent public image’ but it’s funny so at least laugh into your chest if you need to. Funny is funny, don’t be a flippin sour chop. No sense of humor doesn’t make you look mature, it makes you look sour and bitter and just all things un-Potjie!

10)   Saffers can dance. It’s in our genes. Vastrap, Kwaito, Truth two step, that funny duck dance thing, wedding sprinkler moves, we blerrie dance! Don’t chune me you can’t dance, you are a Saffer so fliippin put a chune on and drop it like it’s hot!

11)   Saffers only make 10 point presentations, 11 point presentations are for Germans, Asians, Capetonians and the Swiss. So this one doesn’t count.

Ok right.

I’ll see you in the comments section.

Koebaai.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
20 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

COSAS CALLS FOR THREE MEC’S HEADS

The Congress of South African Students (Cosas) is calling for the heads of the three MECs.  Read more...

0 comments 504 views
Zuma defied Madonsela

President Jacob Zuma has flagrantly defied Public Protector Thuli Madonsela’s report into the upgrades at his private Nkaaaandla mansion Read more...

0 comments 662 views
Submitted by
Carrol-Anne Holloway
Schools turn their backs on 7 Yr ...

So my child's right to basic education is unequivocally guaranteed, well currently he and many other children are being unequivocally deprived of their basic right. Read more...

0 comments 408 views
Submitted by
Pat Riot
Back to basic traffic law enforce...

The news of the two cyclists that were killed in an accident involving a drunk driver was yet another case of senseless deaths on our roads. Read more...

0 comments 1018 views
Submitted by
James Sturdee
What is love and when is it not e...

What is love and when is it not enough? Read more...

0 comments 221 views
Unity of Traditional leaders is i...

Traditional leaders of South Africa have been faced by many challenges which requires them to stand together and come with solutions on how they can ensure that their powers are not slowly taken away from them by government.  Read more...

0 comments 191 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2016 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.