PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Jeeves
 
Comments: 20
Article views: 2496
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Jeeves's badges.
 

So… you fink you is a Saffer?

13 January 2013, 11:45

Hoezit.

Herewith 10 points by which to test your South African awesomeness.

Let’s do Jeevie’s checklist thingie and see how you fair:

Firstly, if you are Capetonian and don’t know about the interwebs and stuff, ‘Saffer’ is actually a shorty for ‘South African’.  Sounds like something an Auzzie would call us but I like it so I’ll keep it! (Thankyou verriemuch!)

1)      No real Saffer can actually pronounce the words ‘South Africa’ properly. It’s a dead giveaway.

As an ex Boksburger, I had to learn to pronounce ‘Souf Efrika’ as ‘South Africa’ but was severely hampered by the influences of the African ‘Sowth Ehhhfrikah’, Sandton’s ‘Sowth Ah-frikah’ and Brakpan’s ‘Soeforfrika’.

After hanging out with a few Capetonians, I finally managed to get it down to: ‘That place on the other side of our border bru’.

2)      A true Saffer considers salad to be ‘’the stuff my food eats’’.

Only gullible mamparras think that salad helps you lose weight, that’s lekker nonsense. I have seen many fat cows, but never a fat Lion! Don’t believe the Americans, since when do you take diet advice from a nation of chubbies? Just stop eating blerrie sugar. Flippit man, that stuff makes you so fat you get an auto green card.

3)      A true Saffer has only one tanned arm. Two tanned arms mean that you use the sunbed and are probably a stripper. If you don’t understand this point you need to go back to Europe or get a boer to mentor you. Usually you can’t see the single tanned arm on a black dude but blackies make up for it with point 4.

4)      Whiteys may never recline their seat past the window pillar of a car. Blackies are the only ones who know how to make that look cool.

Only blackies can do that because a perfect rhythmic head nod is required to pull off the ‘back window recline position’.  If a whitey tries to do the head nod on CCR, boeremusiek or trance music, you will crash your car. Charros must never attempt that position, that Bollywood stuff will put your car in a tree! (This is not about blerrie ‘natural rhythm’ it’s about the music you listen to).

5)      A true Saffer doesn’t have a problem with a label.

We are a blerrie smarty box man! Our ancestors worked hard to earn us those stereotypes! I come from Boksburg and live in Parys so yes, I have a mullet and drive a Ford. A Dutchie is a dutchie, a blackie is a blackie, a charro is a charro, a rooinek is a rooinek and only okes with bags of chips on their shoulders will get offended with those terms. South Africa is the box and it has smarties and coconuts everywhere. Build a bridge and get over it. Just don’t treat a oke like a piece of trash and he won’t bliksem you.

6)      A true Saffer knows that a bum is a muscle for running fast. If you sit on it too much, the muscle will get confused and think it is a couch. Saffers are not supposed to look like ‘mericans. We are a sexy, fit nation. Even our ‘big boned’ chicks are hot. You can easily spot a Saffer in a room filled with internationals. The Saffer is the one on the edge of the chair or standing while they type. Flippit we sexy!

7)      No true Saffer pronounces Rand as ‘Rand’, the correct pronunciation is ‘Ront’.  Don’t come with that lah dee-dah dee, hoity toity, high society posh pom nonsense. A Ront is a Ront and  a blerrie traffic light is a ‘Robot’.

8)      If you can’t Potjie you are not a Saffer. Sis man. Ek skaam my dood! Gas or fire or stove or whatever... Black, White, 50 shades of grey, whatever… Every smartie in the box knows how to Potjie!  It’s genetic. Saffers can Potjie from when their little hands are strong enough to cut an onion.

I once heard of a guy who had never made a Potjie, he was shunned by all around him and died a lonely death.  Sommer go Potjie now so that you can get some friends. Blikskorrel man, what’s wrong with you?

9)       If you don’t like a lekker poep joke in a movie you are not a Saffer. It’s ok to pretend to not like it for your ‘decent public image’ but it’s funny so at least laugh into your chest if you need to. Funny is funny, don’t be a flippin sour chop. No sense of humor doesn’t make you look mature, it makes you look sour and bitter and just all things un-Potjie!

10)   Saffers can dance. It’s in our genes. Vastrap, Kwaito, Truth two step, that funny duck dance thing, wedding sprinkler moves, we blerrie dance! Don’t chune me you can’t dance, you are a Saffer so fliippin put a chune on and drop it like it’s hot!

11)   Saffers only make 10 point presentations, 11 point presentations are for Germans, Asians, Capetonians and the Swiss. So this one doesn’t count.

Ok right.

I’ll see you in the comments section.

Koebaai.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
20 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Terrylin Backpackers
The cheque is in the post

"I hear you are in bond collections. What are the latest excuses people are coming up with these days? I've run out of ideas." Read more...

5 comments 750 views
Submitted by
Meta
News in the digital age

How do you think that spreading your hate/bigotry and or intolerance helps anybody? Read more...

13 comments 976 views
Submitted by
Brian Faul
How and why a Dictator is born

One needs to remember looking back in history these hard times is when a dictator is more likely to get born. It is during these hard times that a dictator gets voted into power. Read more...

11 comments 1784 views
Submitted by
Prenisha Naidoo
I will be proactive...

This letter is in response to articles on the death of baby Jamie Naidoo, We have the tendency to be reactive…we wait for something to happen, then suddenly we care, writes a News24 User. Read more...

2 comments 434 views
Submitted by
woadstress
Celebration

Make a list of at least ten things that you can celebrate, and write two or three reasons why you can celebrate those things or events. Read more...

1 comments 153 views
Submitted by
Eric de Castro
Last squeak of the year

 Read more...

12 comments 212 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

HOUSES FOR SALE IN Paarl

Houses R 2 690 000

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

2DAYS ONLY – 30% off Appliances

Coffee makers, blenders, fans, juicers and more. T&Cs apply. Shop now!

2 DAYS ONLY – 40% off books

Get 40% off when you buy 2 books. For two days only! T&Cs apply. Buy now!

Up to 50% off on outdoor gear

Save on chairs, blankets, cooler bags, umbrellas and more. Shop now!

Save on Samsung

Cameras, mobile phones, TVs, Tablets and more. While stocks last. Shop now!

Grand Theft Auto 5

Now available on PS4, Xbox One and PC from R649. Buy now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.