The wind is picking up again, forecasting changes in a country which throws a stable perception to the world, while its inhabitants know all too well about the undercover business of government and its cronies. The steady decay of the public sector was to be expected as there was just not going to be enough services for this amount of people suddenly demanding the basics, but the nepotism, fraud and corruption – and the blatancy of it – still shocks many.
I silently wish I could stay on top of this mountain peak until I have resolve in my mind and the worry from my brow is smoothed to more of a grin, or at least a neutral look. As an eagle hovers on the strong breeze, about eye-level with me, I could so easily imagine escaping this human reality and joining the feathered giant on a journey high above the rat race. Sitting here I feel serene and in control, all the problems start feeling like minute paper thorns – no more than just a nuisance.
I imagine a year or two away from humanity. I alone with nature to re-kindle the origin of my being – maybe just to realise again that life on this earth is so much made up of moments - maybe only to re-establish that I am nothing in this time frame, while I am everything at the same time. To feel the minuteness my presence has on this vast landscape, planet and universe while comprehending that I am all of it, with a self-consciousness which captures everything at once.
I too have love for my partner, my kids, my dogs. I too have a household to run, a job to honour for income and taxes to pay but I am still me. I love nothing more than to leave the bustle of society with my loved one to spend time away in nature. I feel totally at ease while passing time staring into the vastness of the night sky, as long as she is near – without a word. I have just always felt a pang to be completely alone sometimes as well. It could be the romanticism in it, or the fact that we are personally busy with our thoughts, by ourselves most of the time in any case. I guess I am contented because I’ve learnt to be alone and honest with myself a long time ago. Happiness is not borne from influence – it remains a very personal state of mind.
A slight drizzle started which obscures the view from up top here but it feels strangely comforting to sit in this cloud, blanketing me from the rest of the world. The hardy plants and shrubs which manage to flourish up here must be clapping their roots together in anticipation of the coming moist soil – to grow a little stronger, to survive another year.
In leaving my life behind just for a few hours I manage to rejuvenate the silent peace I so long for when the entire world seems to be rushing for gold around me. When I get back to the so called “real life”, I find a depth I can tap into every now and again, to sit quietly in my mind’s place of solitude and wash out all the influences pushing my blood pressure into the red zone. It gives me passion to take on whatever crosses my path and ensures the solid bond I maintain with my better-half-by-a-mile.
It re-confirms that I could never be happy if I’m not totally at ease with myself.
"It's a mystery to me
We have a greed with which we have agreed
You think you have to want more than you need
Until you have it all you won't be free
Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me"
Eddie Vedder - Society
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