Whenever I receive a reservation from a Local, it is often interesting to welcome whoever walks in, because just for starters, they 'cannot find my place'.
Overseas guests may drive from another province on the other side of the road and arrive without a hitch. Locals will 'phone every five minutes.
"How do I get to your place?" they ask.
What I want to say is, but don't: "By car would be best." Instead, I ask: "Where are you now? Please be specific."
The unhelpful replies vary from: - Kempton Park or Benoni or the Engen Garage or the R21. Or, the Free State.
On some occasions, I receive a call: "We are outside the Premier Hotel. Are we on the right road? How do we get to your place?"
"Do you see the church on the corner? Turn right down that street. I will wait outside the gate," say I.
There I stand waving and giving a thumbs up. They wave back and drive on. I 'phone them. No answer.
Here are questions and comments I have received in the past. Yes, I took notes for our entertainment from all our nine provinces.
Free State : Your really should have directions on your website from my farm.
Northern Cape : I know all about load shedding in Jozi, so you don't have to provide a heater. I will bring my own.
Eastern Cape : I saw a loose screw in the door handle so I dismantled it. I should have asked you for a screwdriver because now the screws are all over the place.
Western Cape : I really wanted a room with an ocean view. I'm coming back sometime. Can I take the remote control with me?
Limpopo : I want to book at your place for a week, as long as there is nobody else staying there. Backpackers make so much noise.
Kwa-Zulu Natal : I left the shower panel under my bed for safekeeping.
Gauteng : Is the water in the room safe to drink? and There's a taxi in your driveway. Is everything okay, as I thought I was the only one here?
Mpumalanga : I noticed on your website that there are bathrooms. What I want to know is - do you have toilets?
North West : Bring me a bucket and vacuum cleaner. I need you to help me clean out my car. They will charge me at the car wash. Please hurry.
A laugh a minute. Sometimes.