PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 12
Article views: 4
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Spirits be upon us

10 September 2012, 12:23

P. T. Barnum never said: “There’s a sucker born every minute.” But he would have – had heard a Spirit Guide giving advice to callers on 702 Radio.

Purely by chance (or maybe it was the spirits who made me do it) I tuned to 702 and heard the last fifteen minutes of a Spirit Guide who was giving “guidance” to some listeners (suckers) who called in.

I Googled the Guide’s name and, Behold! Snake oil, smoke, and mirrors – enough to make a Marikana sangoma blush!

When she was thirty, the Guide (let’s call her Tinkerbelle), received an angelic message that it was time to help other people (at R125 a call). Since then, she has been “gracing” the telephone lines and airwaves with mumbo-jumbo, while getting rich and travelling the world.

I found this classic little gem of an article, called: “Pain as a Message,” written by Tinkerbelle. She poses some soul searching questions and then gives the answers:

“Have you ever been struck by a headache like a lightning bolt? Succumbed to a wave of exhaustion that practically threw you down on the sofa? Or have sudden pains that come out of nowhere?”

My answer to these questions: “Yes! Yes! Yes!” But those where in the days when I was still drinking like a fish. It was known as “babbelaas.”

Tinkerbelle explains: “These pains are actually messages from your spirit guides. Your guides really want to hear what you have to say to them – the guides know that human beings snap to attention when their bodies feel sudden sharp twinges.”

Sudden and sharp – like when the wife gives me a swift klap to the ear, hey, Tinkerbelle?

Tinkerbelle resumes: “Instead, just accept pain without labelling. Check in with your body. You might feel a lessening of the pain, or it might throb once to let you know you are on track.”

Now this is really a bad piece of advice! Throbbing could earn you another couple of klappe – let’s not go there.

Here’s what a typical telephone call would sound like – with the spiritual guidance from Tinkerbelle:

Caller: “I’ve been having problems with my sacroiliac for the past three years. Whenever I do strenuous work, my lungs seem to be dysfunctional – causing a tingling sensation in my lower back. I have tried to take ...”

Tinkerbelle: “Don’t give me the background! Just ask your question.”

Same Caller: “Will I be successful in my business?”

Tinkerbelle: “You haven’t been honest with your mother-in-law.”

Caller: “But I haven’t got a mother-in-law.”

Tinkerbelle: “Yes, but you have someone who is overseas and who you haven’t seen for a looong time.”

Caller: “I don’t know anyone overseas.”

Tinkerbelle: “I know – but someone else does. Good luck and God bless.”

And so on, and so on.

But, good news to all you newly-born suckers! According to Tinkerbelle’s website, you only need to do two things to book a session with the Spirits: Write a list of ten questions about yourself. And deposit R500 into her account at Absa. Then call or SMS Tinkerbelle to schedule a time you will be available at a landline or your cell – then you call her.

PS       I thought it prudent to include some personal advice: Be mindful of spirits – some of which are a 100% proof. You will be struck by a headache like a lightning bolt; succumb to a wave of exhaustion that will throw you down on the sofa; throb in strange places... and collect swift klappe.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
12 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Daniel Sutherland
Imminent Cabinet reshuffle: the w...

We need to forget about Helen Zille and her tweets. We need to forget about the Spur incident and all other side issues. Right now the recall that Pravin Gordhan just got from Zuma783 is all that matters. Read more...

0 comments 3789 views
Submitted by
Alex Harlies
Pravin, come back here this insta...

It seems like a common occurrence now that whenever the Rand gains momentum and begins appreciate in value, something must always bring that momentum to a grinding halt. Read more...

0 comments 1819 views
Submitted by
Larry
The Gupta angle: Gordhan's recall

The Gupta's are scrambling, and my guess is that they want this case to go away. The only way for this to happen is for the finance minister to withdraw. Read more...

0 comments 743 views
Submitted by
Andrew Rampf
Who benefits when the rand falls?

It seems to me that every time the Rand is doing well, there is some announcement from the Presidency or the NPA that sends the currency into free fall or generates a strong rally. Read more...

0 comments 2898 views
Submitted by
This side of x
The Twitter soap opera, an outrag...

Public servants should be banned from using any social media during office hours.  Read more...

0 comments 170 views
Submitted by
Commissar
Another Jacob Zuma fiasco looming

What an absolute disgrace for us to have Jacob Zuma at the helm, costing SA each and every time he issues and instruction and or takes action. Read more...

0 comments 2322 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2017 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.