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Stop blaming the victim.

04 December 2013, 13:17

I have watched the events unfolding at Nkandla with great interest, because they reveal something awkward about us South Africans. We’re a bunch of hypocrites. With every new snippet of information that emerges, the cries for Zuma’s head grow louder. We’ve become an angry mob. The ignorant villagers, pursuing Frankenstein’s monster with pitchforks and burning torches. As if we were all as pure as the driven snow.

How many of you out there can look at yourselves in the mirror and say, in all honesty, that no-one has built you a swimming-pool behind your back. I know I can’t. Just last month, I brought in some guys to install an electric fence. I took the wife and kids away for a long weekend, and returned to find that they had built not one, but three swimming pools on my property. Just like that. They popped up like mushrooms while I played giant chess with my kids at the Aventura in Swadini.

I should, in retrospect, have realised that something was up when all that heavy earth-moving equipment moved onto my back lawn on the Thursday before we left, but I was quite busy packing, and assumed that they were just putting down an electric cable. But no. Off we went, and came back to find our garden converted into a low-rent version of the Boksburg water park.

I feel Zuma’s pain. It may sound like fun, but having people build swimming pools for you behind your back can have huge negative consequences. We had to lay off the maid since she cannot swim, and the bastards built the deep-end of our front-door pool right next to the gate. We had to send the gardener off for life-guard training so that he can keep an eye on the kids, and we are currently re-homing our dogs and looking into purchasing a couple of seals from the Jo’burg zoo. My security company have a couple of rather hard questions to answer.

And they won’t be alone. As we speak, I am hot on the trail of the godless reprobate of an emergency plumber who built an amphitheatre in my driveway while I was fetching my daughter from school yesterday. He, too, has a lot to answer for. There is now absolutely no parking for the customers of the tuck-shop that appeared on our pavement while we were watching the Idols finale…

It’s time for us all to stop throwing accusations around and accept the word of our chosen leader. He knew nothing about any of this. He is innocent. We know, because he said so. And when it comes to being innocent, Zuma has few rivals. I, myself, cannot lay claim to being innocent of much, although I did once talk my way out of a speeding ticket. Our President, however, is innocent of over 700 corruption charges, AND a rape charge. Not many South Africans can compete with that.

The truth is that if we all calm down and just wait a little while, the truth will emerge. Already, the more level-headed and rational members of the Great South African Public are starting to recognise who the true villain of this piece is. Let’s leave the poor, hassled, put-upon president of our nation alone, and save our venom for the real culprit; Thuli Madonsela.

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